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Every Thing Else Board
Women changing...or not changing... their last name
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<blockquote data-quote="farmerjan" data-source="post: 1469681" data-attributes="member: 25884"><p>I can understand the whole, why do I have to give up "me" to be a part of us when he doesn't have to change his name. I got married, took my husbands name. When we got divorced, after years of mental, verbal and some physical abuse, I took back my maiden name. My son was 6 and the school administration members were making a big deal of it with my son. He asked me about it and I explained that I was so & so before I married his father, and now that we weren't married anymore, I went back to using my old name. He told them all that in school, and when the teacher asked if that confused him, he said, no, she is still my mom and he is still my dad. They aren't married so she has her old name back.</p><p>That said, I see no reason why you should not keep your name. Add his for the social end of it. But you became a vet and that is a big part of who you are. Marrying should ADD to it and you should add to his life. I don't necessarily agree that it is where you need to compromise who you feel you are, but that you are adding another part to your life. I tend to be old school on many things....and if you want to take his name, fine, but I don't think it makes him less a man to take you for better or worse, including keeping your name. </p><p>If it was a previous husbands name, then I could see some reserve on his part, but if it's your maiden name, then no I don't think it should be that big a deal. Is he insecure about your name/title/etc?</p><p>In my parents generation, the woman did use her maiden name as her middle name and the married name at the end. Grandmother did the same. Their given middle name was not usually used in any legal correspondence. </p><p>Don't think I would change my name if I got married again. But who knows what I would do if the time came.</p><p>I think keeping your current name is right for you and your practice etc. Calling yourself by his name in social situations should be enough of a reassurance "who you belong to".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="farmerjan, post: 1469681, member: 25884"] I can understand the whole, why do I have to give up "me" to be a part of us when he doesn't have to change his name. I got married, took my husbands name. When we got divorced, after years of mental, verbal and some physical abuse, I took back my maiden name. My son was 6 and the school administration members were making a big deal of it with my son. He asked me about it and I explained that I was so & so before I married his father, and now that we weren't married anymore, I went back to using my old name. He told them all that in school, and when the teacher asked if that confused him, he said, no, she is still my mom and he is still my dad. They aren't married so she has her old name back. That said, I see no reason why you should not keep your name. Add his for the social end of it. But you became a vet and that is a big part of who you are. Marrying should ADD to it and you should add to his life. I don't necessarily agree that it is where you need to compromise who you feel you are, but that you are adding another part to your life. I tend to be old school on many things....and if you want to take his name, fine, but I don't think it makes him less a man to take you for better or worse, including keeping your name. If it was a previous husbands name, then I could see some reserve on his part, but if it's your maiden name, then no I don't think it should be that big a deal. Is he insecure about your name/title/etc? In my parents generation, the woman did use her maiden name as her middle name and the married name at the end. Grandmother did the same. Their given middle name was not usually used in any legal correspondence. Don't think I would change my name if I got married again. But who knows what I would do if the time came. I think keeping your current name is right for you and your practice etc. Calling yourself by his name in social situations should be enough of a reassurance "who you belong to". [/QUOTE]
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