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thanks for all the e-mails!?!?!?!?!
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<blockquote data-quote="chrisy" data-source="post: 448900" data-attributes="member: 3193"><p>> My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year........</p><p>> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue</p><p>> on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that</p><p>> needs sealing.</p><p>> </p><p>> Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny</p><p>> Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.</p><p>> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the</p><p>> $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating</p><p>> in their special e-mail program .....Or from the senior bank clerk in</p><p>> Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a</p><p>> long</p><p>> lost relative of a customer who died intestate.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out</p><p>> for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water</p><p>> buffalo on a hot day.</p><p>> </p><p>> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I</p><p>> forward</p><p>> e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.</p><p>> </p><p>> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove</p><p>> toilet stains.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a</p><p>> serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a</p><p>> perfume</p><p>> sample and rob me.</p><p>> </p><p>> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number</p><p>> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore</p><p>> and Uzbekistan.</p><p>> </p><p>> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown</p><p>> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it</p><p>> bites my bum.</p><p>> </p><p>> And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found</p><p>> dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex</p><p>> molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.</p><p>> </p><p>> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70</p><p>> minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this</p><p>> afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you</p><p>> to</p><p>> grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a</p><p>> friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's</p><p>> cousin's beautician.</p><p>> </p><p>> Have a wonderful day!</p><p>> </p><p>> By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has</p><p>> discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity</p><p>> always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.</p><p>> </p><p>> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.......</p><p>> </p><p>> The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure</p><p>> Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with</p><p>> MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi</p><p>> this email was certified virus free.</p><p>> Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or</p><p>> recorded for legal purposes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="chrisy, post: 448900, member: 3193"] > My thanks to all those who have sent me e-mails this past year........ > I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue > on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that > needs sealing. > > Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. > > I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny > Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. > I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the > $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating > in their special e-mail program .....Or from the senior bank clerk in > Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a > long > lost relative of a customer who died intestate. > > I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out > for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. > > I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water > buffalo on a hot day. > > Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I > forward > e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. > > Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove > toilet stains. > > I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a > serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up. > > I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a > perfume > sample and rob me. > > I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number > for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore > and Uzbekistan. > > Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown > African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it > bites my bum. > > And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found > dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex > molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. > > If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 > minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this > afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you > to > grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a > friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's > cousin's beautician. > > Have a wonderful day! > > By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has > discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity > always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. > > Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late....... > > The original of this email was scanned for viruses by the Government Secure > Intranet Anti-Virus service supplied by Cable&Wireless in partnership with > MessageLabs. (CCTM Certificate Number 2006/04/0007.) On leaving the GSi > this email was certified virus free. > Communications via the GSi may be automatically logged, monitored and/or > recorded for legal purposes. [/QUOTE]
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