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<blockquote data-quote="Crowderfarms" data-source="post: 377963" data-attributes="member: 1335"><p>* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. </p><p></p><p>* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. </p><p></p><p>* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. </p><p></p><p>* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. </p><p></p><p>* To write with a broken pencil is pointless. </p><p></p><p>* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. </p><p></p><p>* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. </p><p></p><p>* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. </p><p></p><p>* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. </p><p></p><p>* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. </p><p></p><p>* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. </p><p></p><p>* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. </p><p></p><p>* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. </p><p></p><p>* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. </p><p></p><p>* The dead batteries were given out free of charge. </p><p></p><p>* If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory. </p><p></p><p>* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. </p><p></p><p>* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) </p><p></p><p>* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. </p><p></p><p>* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. </p><p></p><p>* A backward poet writes inverse. </p><p></p><p>* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. </p><p></p><p>* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. </p><p></p><p>* If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. </p><p></p><p>* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. </p><p></p><p>* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner. </p><p></p><p>* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. </p><p></p><p>* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. </p><p></p><p>* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. </p><p></p><p>* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. </p><p></p><p>* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. </p><p></p><p>* A calendar's days are numbered. </p><p></p><p>* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. </p><p></p><p>* A boiled egg is hard to beat. </p><p></p><p>* He had a photographic memory which was never developed. </p><p></p><p>* A plateau is a high form of flattery. </p><p></p><p>* Those that gets too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. </p><p></p><p>* When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. </p><p></p><p>* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. </p><p></p><p>* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Crowderfarms, post: 377963, member: 1335"] * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. * Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. * The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. * To write with a broken pencil is pointless. * When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. * The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. * A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. * A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. * Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. * We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. * When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. * The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it. * The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. * The dead batteries were given out free of charge. * If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory. * A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. * What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) * A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. * Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. * A backward poet writes inverse. * In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. * A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. * If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed. * With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. * Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A -flat miner. * When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. * The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. * A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. * You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. * He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. * A calendar's days are numbered. * A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. * A boiled egg is hard to beat. * He had a photographic memory which was never developed. * A plateau is a high form of flattery. * Those that gets too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. * When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. * When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. * Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. [/QUOTE]
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