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<blockquote data-quote="Sir Loin" data-source="post: 950938" data-attributes="member: 5601"><p>Jacob & Rebecca</p><p></p><p>Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.</p><p></p><p>Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"</p><p></p><p>The pharmacist answers, "Yes."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "Of course we do."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "All kinds."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "Definitely."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "How about Viagra?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "Of course."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "Absolutely."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"</p><p></p><p>Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."</p><p></p><p>Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."</p><p>********************</p><p></p><p>Be Careful Of What You Pray For </p><p></p><p>Shamus was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up me drinking." </p><p></p><p>Miraculously, a parking place appeared. </p><p></p><p>Shamus looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."</p><p></p><p>**************************</p><p></p><p>ROMANCE MATHEMATICS</p><p></p><p>Smart man + smart woman = romance</p><p></p><p>Smart man + dumb woman = affair</p><p></p><p>Dumb man + smart woman = marriage</p><p></p><p>Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy</p><p>******************</p><p></p><p>Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in </p><p>Movie? </p><p></p><p>They went to see "Closed for the Winter." </p><p></p><p>************* </p><p></p><p>Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? </p><p></p><p>She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was</p><p>Chinese. </p><p></p><p>************************* </p><p></p><p>Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of</p><p>X-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as</p><p>Usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal.</p><p></p><p>On her way home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She</p><p>Sees everyone in the street naked. She takes them off for a moment,</p><p>And everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back</p><p>On...everyone is naked! "Cool!" </p><p></p><p>As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her</p><p>Husband, but can't find him. She goes up to the bedroom and finds her</p><p>Husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed. She takes the</p><p>Glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and</p><p>They are still naked. </p><p></p><p>Bambi then says: "Darnn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're</p><p>Already broken!" </p><p></p><p>***************** </p><p></p><p>A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip</p><p>Of her index finger shot off. </p><p></p><p>"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. </p><p></p><p>"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. </p><p></p><p>"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting</p><p>Your finger off?" </p><p></p><p>"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I</p><p>Thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not</p><p>Shooting myself in the chest."</p><p></p><p>"So then?" asked the doctor. </p><p></p><p>"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00</p><p>To get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."</p><p></p><p>"So then?" </p><p></p><p>"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a</p><p>Loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the</p><p>Trigger."</p><p></p><p></p><p>***************** </p><p></p><p>Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? </p><p></p><p>There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the</p><p>Escalators for over four hours. </p><p></p><p>***************** </p><p></p><p>A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad</p><p>Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it</p><p>To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he</p><p>Decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into</p><p>The tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. </p><p></p><p>So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started</p><p>Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little</p><p>Harder, and still nothing happened.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you</p><p>Doing?" </p><p></p><p>The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow</p><p>Into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.</p><p></p><p></p><p>The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to</p><p>Roll up the windows first." </p><p></p><p>**************** </p><p></p><p>PML at the last one!</p><p>SL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sir Loin, post: 950938, member: 5601"] Jacob & Rebecca Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about Viagra?" Pharmacist: "Of course." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry." ******************** Be Careful Of What You Pray For Shamus was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up me drinking." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Shamus looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one." ************************** ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy ****************** Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in Movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter." ************* Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese. ************************* Bambi (a blonde) goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of X-ray glasses. She checks them out, and isn't fully convinced, but as Usual, the store assistant comes along and closes the deal. On her way home, Bambi puts on her new x-ray glasses and, bingo! She Sees everyone in the street naked. She takes them off for a moment, And everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back On...everyone is naked! "Cool!" As she arrives back home, she is eager to show her new toy to her Husband, but can't find him. She goes up to the bedroom and finds her Husband and the young woman from next door naked in bed. She takes the Glasses off, and the two are still naked. She put them back on, and They are still naked. Bambi then says: "Darnn, I just paid fifty bucks for these and they're Already broken!" ***************** A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting Your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I Thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not Shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 To get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the Trigger." ***************** Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the Escalators for over four hours. ***************** A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into The tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you Doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow Into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to Roll up the windows first." **************** PML at the last one! SL [/QUOTE]
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