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<blockquote data-quote="Sir Loin" data-source="post: 949849" data-attributes="member: 5601"><p>Text message:</p><p></p><p>Mom: Your great aunt just passed away LOL</p><p></p><p>David: Why is that funny?</p><p></p><p>Mom: It's not funny David. Wht do you mean?</p><p></p><p>David: Mom LOL means laughing out loud!</p><p></p><p>Mom: OMG I sent that to everyone I thought it meant Lots of Love! I have to call everyone back OMG.</p><p>********************</p><p></p><p>Dear Abby: </p><p></p><p>My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like me at all and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Signed, Clueless</p><p></p><p></p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Clueless:</p><p></p><p></p><p>Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from N.Y. . Act like it! </p><p>*******************</p><p></p><p>Redneck logic</p><p></p><p>Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. </p><p></p><p>The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. </p><p></p><p>"What's logic?" the first redneck asked. </p><p></p><p>The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" </p><p></p><p>"I sure do."</p><p></p><p>"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. </p><p></p><p>"That's real good!" said the redneck. </p><p></p><p>The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house." </p><p></p><p>Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!" </p><p></p><p>"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."</p><p></p><p>"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"</p><p></p><p>The redneck was catching on. </p><p></p><p>"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.</p><p></p><p>"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"</p><p></p><p>The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting. </p><p></p><p>"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.</p><p></p><p>"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.</p><p></p><p>"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend. </p><p></p><p>"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.</p><p></p><p>"No," his friend replied.</p><p></p><p>"You're queer, ain't ya?"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Sir Loin, post: 949849, member: 5601"] Text message: Mom: Your great aunt just passed away LOL David: Why is that funny? Mom: It’s not funny David. Wht do you mean? David: Mom LOL means laughing out loud! Mom: OMG I sent that to everyone I thought it meant Lots of Love! I have to call everyone back OMG. ******************** Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like me at all and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from N.Y. . Act like it! ******************* Redneck logic Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic. "What's logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." "Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor. "That's real good!" said the redneck. The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house." Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!" "And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife." "That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on. "Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor. "You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!" The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting. "So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend. "Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck. "What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck. "No," his friend replied. "You're queer, ain't ya?" [/QUOTE]
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