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Man Of the House > > > A man had just finished reading his book, 'Man Of The House', while > making his commute home on the train from work. > > > When he reached home, he stormed into the house & walked directly up > to his wife, pointing his finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I >...

;-) (sorry, couldn't resist the tease, ollie~and i understand if you don't wanna use up valuable posts to respond!) Out of the mouths of babes After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars." "What that tell you?"...

I would like to know how many kittens your barn cats have in a litter. This little cat had 5 the first go round and had 10 yesterday. Ours used to have like 4, 5, and 6 at a time. I know this is probably a stupid question, but I guess I don't care since I am gonna post it anyway. Thanks!

Young Justin has a cursing problem, and his father’s getting tired of it. He decides to ask a shrink what to do. The shrink says, “Negative reinforcement. Since Christmas is coming up, ask Justin what he wants from Santa. If he curses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop...

Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member. They ask him to tell his favorite hunting story, and he agrees. “Well, back in 1944 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we went big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree...

Gay Ray goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush "You have AIDS." Gay Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?" Doc says, "Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like...

One day, in a small town in the middle of no-where, a redneck wearing nothing but jeans and suspenders was pumping gas into his pinto at the local gas station. To his surprise, a rich man in a Ferrari pulled up next to him to pump gas into his $600,000 car. As the rich man was pumping gas he...

A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo man climbs in. During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them...

The Middle Wife By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few...

Do I need to adjust my time, or will it update itself (on the board)? Thanks!

This is a fun little quiz that only takes a couple of minutes. Go to http://www.gone2thedogs.com/ On the left hand side click on "Game" After answering 10 questions, the "computer" will calculate what breed of dog you would be. I have never heard of the breed that I am, but if anyone...

http://www.oldbluejacket.com/cowboys.htm

This is the ultimate response to a Dear John letter...You gotta love a man like this!!! Humor in the face of defeat. A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had...

ere is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: 1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry jerk who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got...

I so admire what refer to locally as "good 'ol southern engineering" Sorry it's so hazey, but I took it with my phone and it doesn't have a zoom. :roll:

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. The smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the...

Touching words from the mouth of babes. What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-Olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my...

For those of you that garden, how hot is cow manure? I am tilling a garden and was thinking about tilling some into it, how long till it is safe for new growth? What else do you mix in? Any suggestions for a first-timer?