clean hooker joke

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LazyARanch

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JOKE!!!

Three hookers were visiting and talking about their various clients.

The first one said "I had a Fireman last night".

The second one asked how she knew he was a fireman, and the first one replied "I saw his fireman's badge".

The second hooker said "Well I had a policeman".

The first one asked how she knew he was a policeman.

The second hooker replied "I saw his gun"

The third hooker then joined in and said "Well I had a farmer last night".

The other two replied "How do you know he was a farmer"?

The third hooker replied "First he said it cost too much, then he said that it was too dry, then he said it was too wet, and when we were through he asked if I had any free hats!!"

* I take no responsibility if you don't find this funny! :mrgreen: *
 
I am a policeman, a part-time fireman, and a farmer when I get time. Sure it wasn't the same guy? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
 
HerefordSire":2t6u47jp said:
I am a policeman, a part-time fireman, and a farmer when I get time. Sure it wasn't the same guy? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

hey HS!!

I'm a 911 dispatcher! Does that mean I get to tell 2/3rds of you "where to go"?? hehehehehe

:lol: :lol2: :mrgreen: :banana:
 
LazyARanch":1rlhe54t said:
HerefordSire":1rlhe54t said:
I am a policeman, a part-time fireman, and a farmer when I get time. Sure it wasn't the same guy? :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

hey HS!!

I'm a 911 dispatcher! Does that mean I get to tell 2/3rds of you "where to go"?? hehehehehe

:lol: :lol2: :mrgreen: :banana:

I am going to be real careful here. I could go a couple of ways with this....

Do you give out free hats?
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
 
LOL.... you are a sly devil and I'm not tellin (I save them for my BEST customers!) hehe

and here's another WOMAN joke for ya :D

King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death.

The question; What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewerage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is.....




If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly.
:pretty:

:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :wave:
 
HerefordSire":23u78m3r said:
LazyARanch":23u78m3r said:
Because Hillary didn't dump Bill's cheatin' butt???? :shock: :eek:

Non-legalistically, do you think cheating is cause for a divorce?

Personally speaking... I DO think cheating is cause for divorce. I know some people can get past it, but I would
never have that sense of trust and feeling secure in that relationship again. I would find it hard to forgive, but MUCH harder to forget. even if I WANTED to
 
LazyARanch":39l2rzuw said:
HerefordSire":39l2rzuw said:
LazyARanch":39l2rzuw said:
Because Hillary didn't dump Bill's cheatin' butt???? :shock: :eek:

Non-legalistically, do you think cheating is cause for a divorce?

Personally speaking... I DO think cheating is cause for divorce. I know some people can get past it, but I would
never have that sense of trust and feeling secure in that relationship again. I would find it hard to forgive, but MUCH harder to forget. even if I WANTED to

I was watching Cloud the male wild horse show on PBS the other evening. It was the third show of a series. Why do you think God allowed a beautiful creature like Cloud to manage a haram but intended for man to belong to only one woman?
 
HerefordSire":2gd8103k said:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Are you saying all women want to be Republicans instead of Democrats? If so, why did Obama win?

The answer to that is obvious but dangerous to answer. Here goes anyway. :p

Not only do women want to be in charge of her own life, they also want to be in charge of yours. ;-) And it goes down hill from here. :tiphat:
 
You see...back in the olden days...

...men went to war and died on the battlefield. While they were not killing each other, they had to defend their women through strength, including leadership. Once their strength lessened, a younger male took over. Women's life expectancy was much longer than men's. This created a surplus of women because half of all newborns are female. Are you with me so far?
 
1982vett":1uczjimw said:
The answer to that is obvious but dangerous to answer. Here goes anyway. :p

Not only do women want to be in charge of her own life, they also want to be in charge of yours. ;-) And it goes down hill from here. :tiphat:

hahaha... WRONG... we just are wired that way, we want to HELP you of the male gender with your lives.

(and by golly, I don't want to hear no BS, I am just JOKING!!)

well I'm gonna EDIT here... SOME want to be in charge, SOME want to be bossed, SOME want to be partners.

Personally I think it's 50/50 some days, 60/40 others... and on the WORST days, I let it be 100% ... HA!
(and THAT depends on WHOs worst day it is, or should I say BEST day!)

:nod: :pretty: ;-)
 
LazyARanch":2utfxwpo said:
1982vett":2utfxwpo said:
The answer to that is obvious but dangerous to answer. Here goes anyway. :p

Not only do women want to be in charge of her own life, they also want to be in charge of yours. ;-) And it goes down hill from here. :tiphat:

hahaha... WRONG... we just are wired that way, we want to HELP you of the male gender with your lives.

(and by golly, I don't want to hear no BS, I am just JOKING!!)
:lol: Now just where have we heard that before??? :p HS I think your democrat/republican question is now answered. :clap:
 
TexasBred":2zzi4fhc said:
I'm sure Cloud won that right by "survival of the fittest"....fighting !!!!!

As a matter of fact, most of his energy was used defending his harem from others, protecting them from danger, and breeding them for reproduction. And, just like his father was phased out due mainly to age, he will be also, and the next youngster will guarantee there will always be wild horses, all other things staying the same.
 
HerefordSire":djv840kf said:
As a matter of fact, most of his energy was used defending his harem from others, protecting them from danger, and breeding them for reproduction. And, just like his father was phased out due mainly to age, he will be also, and the next youngster will guarantee there will always be wild horses, all other things staying the same.

it is the "natural order" of things as God intended, survival of the fittest, and the fittest passing on their genetics.

And if the species couldn't adapt, it died out. Or is wiped out...

OR... humans take over all of the breeding choices (cattle, sheep, dogs, etc)
 
I think we can all agree that a male operates under God's survival of the fittest rules.

There are exceptions, like some spiders and bees. However, the additional female security is needed to assure survivability for the species in question.

So all of the sudden men are supposed to ignore 10,000 years, or more, survival of the fittest rules defined by Mother Nature.

Here is the trade off....weaker (and stronger) males get to extend their breeding term in return for having only one partner.


Will this work long term when weaker genetics are allowed to propagate?
 
HerefordSire":1gmjndy5 said:
I think we can all agree that a male operates under God's survival of the fittest rules.

There are exceptions, like some spiders and bees. However, the additional female security is needed to assure survivability for the species in question.

So all of the sudden men are supposed to ignore 10,000 years, or more, survival of the fittest rules defined by Mother Nature.

Here is the trade off....weaker (and stronger) males get to extend their breeding term in return for having only one partner.


Will this work long term when weaker genetics are allowed to propagate?

It has so far. There are many, many, many men who are physically weak but able to be successful and/or rich and attract a beautiful wife. Bill Gates, Mick Jagger, all kinds of wimpy physical specimens who would have never survived the "hunter/gatherer" phase of humanity are livin' large today.
 

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