DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on
"THIS" side of the road before it goes after the
problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by
not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding
"NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So
instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes
and take falls,which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of
the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or
for us. There is no middle ground here.
DONALD RUMSFELD:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I
am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and
I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for
it now, and will remain against it.
JUDGE JUDY:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market
to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
going to the "other side." That's why they call it the
"other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And
if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media white washes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That
chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as
plain and simple as that!
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road,
and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious
case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your check book. Internet
explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform
is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C
\..... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
realize that he must first deal with the problem on
"THIS" side of the road before it goes after the
problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need
to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by
not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding
"NEW" problems.
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,
which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So
instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes
and take falls,which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of
the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of
the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or
for us. There is no middle ground here.
DONALD RUMSFELD:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
ANDERSON COOPER/CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other
side of the road.
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I
am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and
I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for
it now, and will remain against it.
JUDGE JUDY:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You
can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market
to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level.
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
going to the "other side." That's why they call it the
"other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And
if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media white washes with
seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That
chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as
plain and simple as that!
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road,
and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the
heart warming story of how it experienced a serious
case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together - in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only
cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your check book. Internet
explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform
is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C
\..... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is
your definition of chicken?
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
