I've about had it

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Bestoutwest
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Bestoutwest » Thu Jul 13, 2017 5:34 pm

alisonb wrote: That said, he would never have welcomed you back home if he did not care for you.


This is not necessarily true of an abusive person. Sometimes it's just power over people that they crave. Nesi's situation reminds me a lot of my wife's. I'm not going to go into much detail, but there were so many instances where that they said that they cared for her and would then turn around and do something contradictory. We moved out here in part to get away from that. They followed, but we never allowed them back into our lives. There are parents who don't care about their children, yet still allow them to live with them. Same with people and their spouses, pets, etc. Some people just don't care....
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Nesikep » Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:23 pm

Best, yes, that's a classic Narcissist move.. apologize (welcome, etc) just enough to keep you around because you have something to offer them they want.. what they want will depend on the person of course
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Re: I've about had it

Postby alisonb » Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:20 am

Okay...if the above two posts are true of the person and he does not care for you, why would he leave you an inheritance????
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Bestoutwest » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:14 am

alisonb wrote:Okay...if the above two posts are true of the person and he does not care for you, why would he leave you an inheritance????


It's a carrot on a string. Unfortunately, I have too much experience in situations like this. My father came from an abusive alcoholic household, but it shares a lot of the same characteristics of narcissism. There were hoops he was expected to jump through in life, and when he didn't things went south. As soon as it was determined that the cord was going to be cut by him, he was written out of the will. And why does giving someone an inheritance show that they care for you? Nesi is fed and sheltered? So was my father and wife. Doesn't mean that they're loved and respected as humans and adults.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Brute 23 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:19 am

I feel your pain to some extent. I do very little with my family other than my dad asking me to specifically ride with him to this or that little daily task.

It was the same with my family. They dangled the carrot of this will all be yours one day but they only wanted input in the form of manual labor.

When I was younger they just did their best to squash my ideas as wild dreams. Now that I manage cattle, lead land, and have started buying my own cattle it has turned to resentment because the "wild dreams came true and do work.

We have briefly touched on this before because you will hear people talk about so and so died and their kids sold every thing as fast as they could... well it's not always the kids fault. They are not all money hungry pos. I have zero interest in operating any thing with my family and that is due to their actions.

You have got to get the young people involved both from a labor and management stand point if you expect businesses to continue from one generation to the next. Most people I know have a hard time doing that.

I have been very purposeful in not hyping my son up about things he will inherit and it did not go over well when I asked... and then told... My parents to do the same... but I do not want him being lead down the same road.

I have a plan to start getting him involved and managing a couple cows now, at 11. He will get what he earns with a little guidance from dad.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Nesikep » Mon Jul 17, 2017 11:33 am

alisonb wrote:Okay...if the above two posts are true of the person and he does not care for you, why would he leave you an inheritance????

I think both can be true.. the need to control, as well as caring for someone.. the line is a pretty blurry one sometimes though
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Brute 23 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 11:57 am

Some thing else I am learning the hard way is people always say don't invest more money than you can stand to loose. I think the same can be said of your time. Don't invest more of your time in some thing than you can stand too lose if it doesn't turn out how you planned.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Rafter S » Mon Jul 17, 2017 12:57 pm

Brute 23 wrote:Some thing else I am learning the hard way is people always say don't invest more money than you can stand to lose. I think the same can be said of your time. Don't invest more of your time in some thing than you can stand to lose if it doesn't turn out how you planned.


I think that's the smartest thing said in this Discussion. Maybe in the whole forum, ever.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby True Grit Farms » Mon Jul 17, 2017 1:11 pm

Without anything on paper everything is a waste of time. If mom goes before dad who knows what the heck will happen. Ex wives and new wives do pretty good all the time, and same can be said for a couple of men I know.
I call them "yes dear" but they've done mighty fine for themselves at the cost of the kids.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Brute 23 » Mon Jul 17, 2017 1:45 pm

True Grit Farms wrote:Without anything on paper everything is a waste of time. If mom goes before dad who knows what the heck will happen. Ex wives and new wives do pretty good all the time, and same can be said for a couple of men I know.
I call them "yes dear" but they've done mighty fine for themselves at the cost of the kids.


Both of my parents wills leave their inherited land directly to my brother and I, immediately. The spouse receives the revenue generated from the property until the day they die but they can not make any decisions. Early on my mom did not understand why my dad had his like that. It was a touchy subject. Later on, after she saw some of that stuff you are talking about go on she made hers the same way.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Workinonit Farm » Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:18 pm

Brute 23 wrote:Some thing else I am learning the hard way is people always say don't invest more money than you can stand to loose. I think the same can be said of your time. Don't invest more of your time in some thing than you can stand too lose if it doesn't turn out how you planned.


:nod: :nod: :nod: :nod: :nod:

*DING* *DING* *DING* We have a winner!!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

The one, precious thing, that we have that is ours is our time. Unlike dollars, once it is spent, it is gone, forever never to be gotten back. Spend it wisely.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby djinwa » Fri Jul 21, 2017 12:50 am

Millions continue on in work they hate because they think they've either invested too much (college, etc), or there is some future reward that they might get.

That is where I found myself at about your age. And I thought I was mentally ill and depressed - went to shrinks for pills and counseling. Figured I could just change my brain and I could like what I hated.

Wasn't working. Out of desperation, I gave up my career that I hated and took a job in a warehouse for $8/hour, while I had 3 kids. Actually quite liked it, worked up to managing a pretty big operation. Play with a few cows on the side. No medication needed. Will need to work more years without the big retirement I gave up, but no problem given I don't hate my job.

A guy I know kept on in the same career, that he also hated, working toward retirement and was miserable all those years. Now with big retirement, he's bored and not happy.

Anyway, as Yogi Berra said, when you come to a fork in the road, take it.

You can try this or that trick with your dad, but generally speaking, people don't change.

Happiness is worth more than money.

I wouldn't waste another day there. You're still young. The only thing worse than having wasted time there, is wasting more time there.

Not that big a deal - no regrets. There's only one way to learn some things - through experience.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Turkeybird » Fri Jul 21, 2017 4:54 am

I promise there are a bunch of large cattle operations that would love to hire someone with good cow sense. EXPlORE your options!
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Re: I've about had it

Postby ddd75 » Fri Jul 21, 2017 5:56 am

Brute 23 wrote:I feel your pain to some extent. I do very little with my family other than my dad asking me to specifically ride with him to this or that little daily task.

It was the same with my family. They dangled the carrot of this will all be yours one day but they only wanted input in the form of manual labor.

When I was younger they just did their best to squash my ideas as wild dreams. Now that I manage cattle, lead land, and have started buying my own cattle it has turned to resentment because the "wild dreams came true and do work.

We have briefly touched on this before because you will hear people talk about so and so died and their kids sold every thing as fast as they could... well it's not always the kids fault. They are not all money hungry pos. I have zero interest in operating any thing with my family and that is due to their actions.

You have got to get the young people involved both from a labor and management stand point if you expect businesses to continue from one generation to the next. Most people I know have a hard time doing that.

I have been very purposeful in not hyping my son up about things he will inherit and it did not go over well when I asked... and then told... My parents to do the same... but I do not want him being lead down the same road.

I have a plan to start getting him involved and managing a couple cows now, at 11. He will get what he earns with a little guidance from dad.



good stuff man..

my son bought his first cow at 2 years old. He was on a dozer at 2 DAYS old. He was backhoeing out a tree with me yesterday (he's 4 now)

Really hope he wants to keep doing what I'm doing.
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Re: I've about had it

Postby Dogs and Cows » Fri Jul 21, 2017 6:08 am

My thoughts are with ya Nessi!!

Tim
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