Running Arrow Bill
Well-known member
Some of this has been said before. Some of it is new. Anyhoo...some words of wisdom for the "Yankees" and other Urban dwellers visiting Texas...West of I-35:
1. Yes, our roads are wide and straight. They can also be used for landing strips for airplanes when needed. The Planes have the right-of-way.
2. If you don't like WIND, do a 180 and head back East.
3. Sand comes in different sizes. Closed Windows won't keep it all out.
4. Our roadside "ditches" are called BAR DICHES. They are frequently used by ranchers and farmers to drive down or park their equipment in...do not "Dial 911" if you see a Combine driving the wrong way down a bar ditch. We also use them to drive down to check our fences...get over it!
5. We have three sexes of people: Male, Female, and Undecided. No...if you're undecided or gay you can't get married here.
6. Farmers and Ranchers frequently have guns in their Pickups. Don't shoot at them...they will probably shoot back.
7. No...you can't force someone driving a Combine or a 30 foot wide Disk Cultivator pulled by a 200 HP 8 wheel tractor off the road...you'll lose.
8. Yes, those large Semi Tractor/Trailers with lots of holes in the trailer are "Cattle Trailers"...if you tailgate, your BMW or Cadillac Escalade will get dirty.
9. The Texas State Troopers ARE serious! Don't get smarta$$ with them...they have more hiding places than you have excuses...
10. The guy with a "cowboy hat" and boots wearing a "cowboy shirt" and Wranglers with red lights flashing is probably the County Sheriff...don't judge him/her by the uniform...It's "Yes Sir, No Sir"...
11. No...your Cell Phone won't work 100% of the time in West Texas...we have hills, and stuff. Watch the road (for Combines and Tractors) instead.
12. When you see a sign that says "Deer Crossing"...believe it, especially around sunrise or sundown. They will get blood on your BMW (or end up in your back seat)...slow down.
13. Just because you come to a small town that looks deserted, still observe the speed limit...the local Law Enforcement people need another source of income...they may be at the local Cafe having a cup and looking out the window.
14. In West Texas we have "Cafes". Many of them seat "non-smokers" in the back. The locals, ranchers, farmers, and those frequenting the "Big Table" 2-3 times a day have the right-of-way. "Smoke em if ya got em"...
15. Yes, you should tip the waitresses in the Cafes...even if she is the owner, or her granddaughter. No...we don't have "Matre'D's" or male waitstaff in the "Cafes". Seat yourself.
16. No...we don't have "Fern Bars" or "Sushi Bars"...probably don't have any Vegeterian Bars either...get over it.
17. Yes, the meal portions are large...we need real food so we can WORK...
18. Many of the West Texas counties are "Dry". Ice Tea is the usual drink. Coffee in the morning. If you want booze with your meal, go to a "Wet" country
19. The Mexican Food in West Texas is called "Tex-Mex". Lots of cheese and "real" chili. No...we don't have "spinach enchiladas".
20. The main highways in West Texas are I-10, I-20, US 27, and US 83. They go in 2 directions.
21. The native Texans and other established locals in West Texas WAVE when you pass them on the road. If you don't wave back or if they don't wave at you...you are obviously a tourist.
22. Yes...a one ton dooley pulling a 30 foot cattle trailer will often be going the speed limit plus. Make sure your BMW or other car has enough power to pass them before you run out of passing space (or) before you suddenly come upon a Combine or other slow-moving farm vehicle on a blind curve.
23. If you need gas...buy it! The next town might be 80 miles away or further with possibly cheaper gas.
24. Even very small towns often have two restaurants: One Cafe and One Dairy Queen. They won't serve sushi...
25. Yes...tractors have the right-of-way too and you may have to follow one at 15-20 MPH for a few miles until they turn off to their land or park at the local Cafe for a bite to eat.
26. Yes, the local Sheriff's and Deputies sidearms are real (even if they don't have a "City Uniform" on)...they also have real bullets.
27. No...you can't lose a local Sheriff by going cross country in your Jeep or Humvee...they have 4 WD pickups with lots of power too...
28. Yes, when people speak to you in West Texas they are being what you call "Friendly". No...they are not trying to make a pass at you or pry into your business.
29. Just because a West Texan looks dirty, sweaty, and is driving an old Pickup doesn't mean he/she is indigent. They have probably just been WORKING 10-12 hours, got dirty, and came in from their 2,500 acre farm.
30. Have a Nice Visit to West Texas!
1. Yes, our roads are wide and straight. They can also be used for landing strips for airplanes when needed. The Planes have the right-of-way.
2. If you don't like WIND, do a 180 and head back East.
3. Sand comes in different sizes. Closed Windows won't keep it all out.
4. Our roadside "ditches" are called BAR DICHES. They are frequently used by ranchers and farmers to drive down or park their equipment in...do not "Dial 911" if you see a Combine driving the wrong way down a bar ditch. We also use them to drive down to check our fences...get over it!
5. We have three sexes of people: Male, Female, and Undecided. No...if you're undecided or gay you can't get married here.
6. Farmers and Ranchers frequently have guns in their Pickups. Don't shoot at them...they will probably shoot back.
7. No...you can't force someone driving a Combine or a 30 foot wide Disk Cultivator pulled by a 200 HP 8 wheel tractor off the road...you'll lose.
8. Yes, those large Semi Tractor/Trailers with lots of holes in the trailer are "Cattle Trailers"...if you tailgate, your BMW or Cadillac Escalade will get dirty.
9. The Texas State Troopers ARE serious! Don't get smarta$$ with them...they have more hiding places than you have excuses...
10. The guy with a "cowboy hat" and boots wearing a "cowboy shirt" and Wranglers with red lights flashing is probably the County Sheriff...don't judge him/her by the uniform...It's "Yes Sir, No Sir"...
11. No...your Cell Phone won't work 100% of the time in West Texas...we have hills, and stuff. Watch the road (for Combines and Tractors) instead.
12. When you see a sign that says "Deer Crossing"...believe it, especially around sunrise or sundown. They will get blood on your BMW (or end up in your back seat)...slow down.
13. Just because you come to a small town that looks deserted, still observe the speed limit...the local Law Enforcement people need another source of income...they may be at the local Cafe having a cup and looking out the window.
14. In West Texas we have "Cafes". Many of them seat "non-smokers" in the back. The locals, ranchers, farmers, and those frequenting the "Big Table" 2-3 times a day have the right-of-way. "Smoke em if ya got em"...
15. Yes, you should tip the waitresses in the Cafes...even if she is the owner, or her granddaughter. No...we don't have "Matre'D's" or male waitstaff in the "Cafes". Seat yourself.
16. No...we don't have "Fern Bars" or "Sushi Bars"...probably don't have any Vegeterian Bars either...get over it.
17. Yes, the meal portions are large...we need real food so we can WORK...
18. Many of the West Texas counties are "Dry". Ice Tea is the usual drink. Coffee in the morning. If you want booze with your meal, go to a "Wet" country
19. The Mexican Food in West Texas is called "Tex-Mex". Lots of cheese and "real" chili. No...we don't have "spinach enchiladas".
20. The main highways in West Texas are I-10, I-20, US 27, and US 83. They go in 2 directions.
21. The native Texans and other established locals in West Texas WAVE when you pass them on the road. If you don't wave back or if they don't wave at you...you are obviously a tourist.
22. Yes...a one ton dooley pulling a 30 foot cattle trailer will often be going the speed limit plus. Make sure your BMW or other car has enough power to pass them before you run out of passing space (or) before you suddenly come upon a Combine or other slow-moving farm vehicle on a blind curve.
23. If you need gas...buy it! The next town might be 80 miles away or further with possibly cheaper gas.
24. Even very small towns often have two restaurants: One Cafe and One Dairy Queen. They won't serve sushi...
25. Yes...tractors have the right-of-way too and you may have to follow one at 15-20 MPH for a few miles until they turn off to their land or park at the local Cafe for a bite to eat.
26. Yes, the local Sheriff's and Deputies sidearms are real (even if they don't have a "City Uniform" on)...they also have real bullets.
27. No...you can't lose a local Sheriff by going cross country in your Jeep or Humvee...they have 4 WD pickups with lots of power too...
28. Yes, when people speak to you in West Texas they are being what you call "Friendly". No...they are not trying to make a pass at you or pry into your business.
29. Just because a West Texan looks dirty, sweaty, and is driving an old Pickup doesn't mean he/she is indigent. They have probably just been WORKING 10-12 hours, got dirty, and came in from their 2,500 acre farm.
30. Have a Nice Visit to West Texas!
