Yankee Redneck Exam

[Crowderfarms]

We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the
South, and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take
this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are
required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per
acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14
inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees
are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length
is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch
collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can
each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and
still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit
out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail.
Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the
probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of of 7.5% per generation, how long will
it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to
breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?
It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show
ya...


There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare
ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the
road a piece...

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop
and
place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride
home with them.

 

[cypressfarms]

Crowder,


I really got a laugh out of your test, but everyone knows that for #4: No trees would get cut down if there were budweiser there.

I think that the "dumb" rap comes from the media somewhat. Every time a reporter holds up a mic and a camera gets on someone down south, it seems like they are some freaky inbred lowlife that can't conjucate verbs. I think that reporters search for these people. What shock factor would it have if someone interviewed a southerner who didn't have much of an accent and actually spoke well.

 

[certherfbeef]

I think that the "dumb" rap comes from the media somewhat.

Just the media? You have to admit that the southern draw doesn't sound real smart.

Really...would you want someone with Foxworthy's accent performing surgery on you or defending you in court?

Sorry fellas, I couldn't resist.

 

[cypressfarms]

I think that the "dumb" rap comes from the media somewhat.

Just the media? You have to admit that the southern draw doesn't sound real smart.

Really...would you want someone with Foxworthy's accent performing surgery on you or defending you in court?

Sorry fellas, I couldn't resist.

You've got a point there, but I think that Foxworthy and Larry the cable guy just might be embellishing. Again, two examples that I would not want the world to judge us by.

 

[Susie David]

Now, now...the southern accent has it's place and is quite effective when used properly.
I moved my daughters up to Boston from N.C. (government job)
and when there was a few young studdmufins around the drawl was rolling out of their mouths like Tupelo honey...they learned early on how to work the crowd.
DMc

 

[Bama]

Once when we had a freak snow way down in south Alabama a lady was interviewed by the weather channel. She said "it looked like grits blowing in the wind" reckon how long they looked to find her to do the interview.

 

[cypressfarms]

Once when we had a freak snow way down in south Alabama a lady was interviewed by the weather channel. She said "it looked like grits blowing in the wind" reckon how long they looked to find her to do the interview.

Bama, I think that should fall into your 75% culling philosophy.

 

[ffscj]

I think that the "dumb" rap comes from the media somewhat.

Just the media? You have to admit that the southern draw doesn't sound real smart.

Really...would you want someone with Foxworthy's accent performing surgery on you or defending you in court?

Sorry fellas, I couldn't resist.

Have to disagree with you on this one. I think a true Southern accent is beautiful to listen to. And its the words that my doctor uses that instills my confindence in him not how he says them.

Chris

 

[ALACOWMAN]

I think that the "dumb" rap comes from the media somewhat.

Just the media? You have to admit that the southern draw doesn't sound real smart.

Really...would you want someone with Foxworthy's accent performing surgery on you or defending you in court?

Sorry fellas, I couldn't resist.

Have to disagree with you on this one. I think a true Southern accent is beautiful to listen to. And its the words that my doctor uses that instills my confindence in him not how he says them.

Chris

well enjoy it while you can because it is slowly disappearing. whats even more disturbing is to here a southener try to sound more yankeish in the presents of other yankees :cboy: