Why do we do what we do?

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Medic24

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It's so odd, I have to wonder sometimes, and I sure hope it's not just me..................But at times such as yesterday, I had to sit, somewhat depressed and worried if I am doing everything I can do right for me, my family, my farm,................why did I make a career ending decision for early retirement to farm full time, and thus work harder then I ever have before, and now make more financially as well as heart breaking mistakes then I ever had before in my life?

Why is it that I have had to learn the same things over and over again, but more often in a different way just to make things continue to work? And I am not saying 'working smoothly'.

This summer's drought was more then harsh in so many ways, I realized finally that most of what I do depends on rain...not too much, but certainly not as dry as we have been. I will actually make less then half of my income from previous years due to that fact. Do I ask my wife to continue to suppliment the farm accounts or do I take one of those low interest emergency loans being offered?

I, like almost everyone else here wakes up everyday very glad to be alive, really I do, but also we daily are faced to make so many decisions alone, as to where we need to take our farms, our ranches, our businesses, and ultimately our family and our lives from this moment onward, sometimes we make these decisions blindly, or on faith.

We take so many chances based upon the information we have on hand that effects us, information that changes literally with the weather, politics, foreign ploicy,economy, human emotion, or something as simply and isolated as case of livestock disease ten thousand miles away. I have learned some time ago, that even with expert advice, most farming decisions have to be made with crossed fingers, hard work, and a bit of luck.

I grew up on a huge dairy farm, but I must not have been paying attention all around, so much has changed, feeding healthcare, input COSTS Vs. net, as my father (whom even at that time, also HAD to work another full time job) always begged us do do something far different then that, yet he stuck with it, with all of it's ups and at the end......down's. We were never rich in the pocket, although we sure had lots of neat stuff that the other school kids didn't have, such as tractors, bailers, all kinds of other equipment etc, etc. Not to mention several hundred dairy cows. I never knew that we weren't wealthy like the other kid's, as were the very last farm in a suburban area until finally the squeeze proved to be to much. And now, I am faced with the same thing. Beef instead of dairy is the only difference.........suburbia is lapping at the very fence lines, I am no longer surrounded by fields, or forests, but my large multimillion dollar homes, with lawns that were professionally landscaped, and dare my cattle get out tread on them, and yes it happens at great cost to me.

I know things are changing by simply watching my local Tractor Supply store, changing it's agricultural stock slowly over to almost exclusively, horses, pets, and items for the home,and garden etc. It took time, and the change was almost inperceptable, but I had to notice it when I went in a few weeks ago to order parts for equipment that I have annually either rebuilt or done major overhauls on year in and year out.........not only were these common parts no longer stocked, but I had to explain in great detail to the sales folks what I wanted. I wasn't even shocked when one young lady asked me if I was a real farmer, and when I answered yes, she point blank stated that she didn't know there were many around here anymore, and what's it like to be a dinasour? Now I am almost 75% sure she was trying to be amusing....but it is starting me to wonder............am I just not seeing something that everyone else is or has?

I awake to a cow or calf bawling at any hour of the night, and wonder if something is wrong? the dogs barking, and again, is something going on at the barn, the pastures with the cattle? Do my neighbors in those high dollar homes worry about the same things? Are these new neighbors keeping the secret from me and each other that they to were once farmers but ashamed to admit that they sold out?

I order more fuel for the equipment and find that I have to sell more then one or two cows and calves to pay for it,a s the agricultural 'discount' no longer exisits.

Everytime I get hurt, it's usually nothing serious, thank goodness, but it's many more times then my lawn mowing, home gardening neighbors. The several times I have been hurt seriously, I was lucky, blessed, and fortunate to have good family and neighbors that were there with genuine offers to help..but, in many cases how can you teach a person all that they need to know to do what comes natural and now simply to us...................but the friend helping you out while you lay in bed, by moving the herds from pasture to another creats a mess when he and his friends drive them through the fences, or they leave a gate open next to the highway, and the local law shows up on your door to let you know you now have cattle walking and running for miles around. Or just as bad.......some one comes to help you by feeding for you....and leaves the feed room doors open, and now you have a number of sick and dying animals laying around blown up like balloons...yes it's all happened to me............

Why do we do what we do.................have I ever met a REAL famer or rancher that was financially solvent without any other means of income? I can't remember so.

I was hospitalized for like the 5th or 6th time in as many years this past spring, and although my wife is a physician (elsewhere now) I had the a social worker come into the room asking for income and insurance information as it is an international health policy and very confusing.........anyway she comes back a while later and offers me (based upon MY income) emergency medicaid coverage to take care of any shortages in the coverage that would occure.......of course through my pride, my answer was a resounding NO!, but the thing I could not forsee was the absolute rediculous cost for a short stay along with a couple of ambulance trips from a smaller facility to a larger city hospital, along with all of the medical personal that hitch their wagons to your insurance...............I used to enjoy somewhat of a curtesy medical discount, one that I no longer get......and I am still in shock that so few days,even with no surgery (I refused and signed out AMA) could cost so many TENS of thousands of dollars! The only bright spot was my orthopedic doctor, (a family friend) treated me nearly free, and paid me the highest compliment when he said " You do know that I can get you on full disabilty, and could have done so a long time ago, but I have to give you credit, I know you will refuse it to your grave, and you just keep on goin as if you have never ever been hurt or sick, I only wish I could say that for some of the people that walk into my office begging for disabilty when the only problem is a case of the lazy ass"......Yes that made me proud.

But, now here I am watching it rain, making mud out of what was dust all summer long, over 20 acres of what was late yet decent hay laying on the ground for the past wet week, knowing that I was talked into giving and inexpensively selling hay to my friends ( I try to never take advantage of bad situations, as it will most def. come back to you!) and now, I wonder how I to am going to make it throug without buying back hay at huge prices.

I am rambling I know.......but this has culminated a week or more of worry, about the future, my mistakes, and failures......these are the times we tend to forget our successes and the like.

I know know why they have a hotline to advise downhearted farmers and the like goin on these days.........

I find myself more and more seeking the solice and councel of friends that have the same life as we do, but it seems we also share the same problems, many and most at the same time.........

So do I quit, throw up my hands? sell the stock, equipment, and parcel off the land for houses? And then what? Go to work for some 25 year old kid fresh out of college that has no idea that you quit growing his food, and providing his steaks for the grill, but doesn't really care because he knows they will make more of the same in some factory in China, along with the salads, and milk that seems to appear on his gracery market shelves and thusly on his plate?

Bottom line, I am more and more wondering if it as all worth it?

I love the livestock, I love to see things grow and thrive, I especially love to see something come of nothing, or an animal that you thought was lost make a recovery (even if the time effort and cost was so much more then you will ever get back)

But, no matter how they struggled, no matter how hard they no doubt wanted different, the 'dinosours' did die out, so I wonder, being an independant singly family farm, am I destined to go by way of the dinosour? :?: :cboy:


Submitted to you, for perusall or amusement as it may be, on a cold, rainy, damp, forlorn day....and yes..... I have to go....check on the livestock.......
:cboy: :cboy:
 
Sounds to me like your life is full. You have people around you, you continue to learn and gain life's experiences, and you appreciate what the Lord gives us despite it not always being what we want......but what we need. Plus you can share it.

I hear ya Medic...........I love a challenge too. ;-)
 
Medic you are not alone in asking those questions and second guessing yourself.
I sit every single day and ask myself what more can I do to help my friends family.

Right now my husband drags me outside to go feed with him even though he can do it alone. Looking at the cows with their bellies getting bigger and seeing them in such great condition is great.
Wait til that first calf drops and that field you have worried so much about starts to sprout into a wonderful color of green.

We went through the drought, with the dirt blowing so much you couldn't see your neighbors place. Seeing the crops dead in the field and watching the cattle trucks roll by hauling a neighbors herd off to a down market will get you down in the dumps. We held on and survived. You can too.

As for your neighbors in their fancy houses I could bet oranges to apples they have no idea where their food comes from nor do they care. With all their money they can not get the one great thing you have and that is pride in knowing that you can survive anywhere. Where they cannot raise their own food nor know how to even start doing so you could feed your whole family.

You need to stop and look at what you have that alot of people don't. You have a job you enjoy, you have your family.
Here is what my husband tells me. We eat with our family every night, we run tractors with our kids, we teach our kids how to depend upon themselves and we are where we love to be.
Hope this helps you to cheer up. Next year will be better.
 
Medic, I have thought most of those same thoughts many times during the last few years but like your doc said, you would not be satisfied sitting on "it", so reach back and push yourself up, stretch, groan, and get back to it. We wouldn't be happy doing anything else.
 
It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of good deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed, who knows the grest enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that know neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

Just a thought.........
 
your just getting a good dose of farming an having cattle.its a rough tough life.an has broken meny a good man an women.but you have alot tobe thankful for you can get up every morning an do what you love.you dont have to answer to anyone but you.ask yourself this if i could go back in time would i walk away from cattle for good.
 
Beefy...I am definately hearin ya!

Sorry all, was just a bunch of rambling while sitting here knowing I had so much to do, and it was pouring down rain, all the while a cow bellowing on and on for her calf that tends to jump the fences and take a walk, and of course one of those that causes the problems as described above.............can't wait for that day she bellows as her calf goes down the road for sale......it's yet still to light to go. :cboy:

Went out and gathered that little PIA and also went on working outside after all until may neighbor pulled up to ask if I was nuts working in the cold pouring rain with only a tshirt on.............I had to explain...hey, working hard.....I was sweating.............and felt little or no cold.............I'm sure, she was thinking the same thought's Beefy is.......but hey, things needed doing! :cboy:
 
I guess I think some of those same thoughts from time to time, but usually not for long. I'm probably not smart enough to get depressed. I feel down for a little while, then I come up with some other goofy idea that's gonna make me a big winner and off I go. I try not to focus on what I don't have. I try not to sort work into things that I want to do and things that I don't want to do. I try to have the attitude that I will go out tomorrow and do my job better than I did it today and when I have a success give all the glory and honor to God. I think one of the best ways to keep my attitude right is to support charities that I believe in. Just a few thoughts.

Larry
 
My friend,
No one ever exactly knows the challenges that each of us face;
as I have read -it seems from the others you are not by yourself.
From me, I am in the same life choice you are.
I did not directly come from a farm background (all my relatives--were farmers).When I left a very profitable business, and my savings;
took a leak of faith or a jump of stupidity-all wise counsel said I must be depressed Burned outin need of some serious counsel..
For a "city-slick" to embark on a new way of life that taxes all dimensions of one's life @ a older age---by all objective standards perhaps I heard another drummer. To become the "RENAISSANCE MAN" (which is what is required to be a farmer) sounded like a delusion.
To give answers or counsel --I can't----
I hit those lows often--but you know how the highs feel--when you walk out your door and see/smell the world that is vastly disappearing--i have a jump start of tenacity.
I walk a tight-rope existence----No parachutes--no secondary,back-up income...
Maybe I must have smoked some locko-weed as a youth-& it etched a vision that won't go away..
The knowledge of my mother/grandmother barely making it, losing the great-grandfather massive farm (too generous-too many co-signs during the 20's pre-depression) and continuing as tenant farmers---instills in my soul that today is a world apart from then--but the essence is the same. I should say I am in fool's paradise!
I will no doubt have to exercise some creative entrepreneurial
work to make it happen!! I do know where I came from is not the PARADISE that I was groomed to believe--so maybe the rest of the world doesn't know the GUT-that I feel.
Excuse my ramblings but you are on the same rope as I --and I want to see you hang in!!
often it is said--@ the darkest park of the night is just moments before daylight.
 
Medic, you are in good company. I think many here can empathize with you on these matters. I know I can. Been a bit depressed myself lately cause my land taxes are due shortly and with this money I could be buying something useful like a new baler or something. Instead, I don't know what I'll get - probably nothing more than another restriction on how I can use my land to earn the money to pay taxes.

Last I heard, only 3% of the population makes there living from farming. Therefore, very few of the younger folks understand what it takes to make things work. Its an honorable life, yet you must stop sometimes and wonder if it is worth it. I am confident that the remaining 3% that remain in agriculture no longer do it the way it used to be done. They have adapted, diversified and changed with the times. Personally, I believe this is the key to our predicament and the answer to many of our financial woes. Our independence, which we pride ourselves on, could be in fact a handicap to us preventing us from looking down the road and changing or adapting to the new environment we are living in.

There are few things which I think could help us if we would do it. First is pooling resources whenever possible. For instance, there is no real reason for you and your neighbor to both own a hay trailer. This could be split two ways thus freeing capital. Also, joining ranks with another cattle producer to increase your numbers so as to deal strictly on trailer lot loads of cattle will definitely put more money in your pocket. Another thing to look at is niche marketing. People today are beginning to care about where their food comes from and don't mind paying more for it if it is good and they know someone like you raised it. Raising and selling farm raised beef could be just the trick to put some extra value on your cattle. The woman you mentioned who looked at you as an oddity would be my first customer. When she tasted homegrown, I guarantee you she would be telling all her friends about the "real farmer" she found and how he raises his own beef.

Just some random thoughts I had that you might want to think about. Oh, one other thing. Keep in mind that you are also earning money through the appreciation of your land. Just by holding on to it, you are saving money for the future.

Good Luck and may God guide your decisions.
 
I respect and admire you as to what you are doing. If you really put your mind to it you will be okay. But then again let us face it. In the not to distance future and it may not be in the future it may be now. The time will come that only rich well of people will be land owners. Live is a constant change and if we do not change with it we will be left behind. You cannot pay the land prices that land is being priced at now and have any hope of making it. I read a saying one time that a farmer lives all his life poor and dies rich.
 

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