Wedding Woes

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showing71

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I will be getting married in a few weeks. My mom and I have been doing all of the wedding planning (with opinions from the groom). We are having the wedding in my hometown, which is about 3 hours from the groom's family. My parents agreed to pay for everything. I found out last night that my mother-in-law to be is p!ssed off that she has had no envolvement in the wedding planning. Throughout the whole process, my fiance and I have been keeping her up to date on what we have decided. I (as well as my family) was under the impression that the mom of the groom doesn't need to be involved in the planning. Am I wrong in thinking this? :help:

BTW: My fiance's parents are throwing another reception in his area for us a month later, so I was going to let her have free reign over that.
 

MO_cows

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Did you find this out from her, or thru the grapevine?? Unless she came right out and told you, or her son, that she was upset, it's heresay and taken out of context and not to be taken to heart.

I don't know of any weddings where the groom's mother was heavily involved in the planning except the rehearsal dinner.

You have enough on your plate, don't worry about it. Try to get past the stress of it all and savor the moment. And congratulations!!
 

Angus Cowman

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The worst thing about a marraige is the stupid weddings
Peopel think they have to plan and do all that BS and all you really have to do is say we are gettting married at so and so place at such and such time and if people want to come fine and if they don't fine no planning or anything else
I have told all my daughters I would give them $20,000 if they let me plan their wedding or elope if they don't take me up on it it is their loss
Oldest isn't married yet, other two are both married and both weddings were plain and simple 1 got married in the grooms GM lawn and the other had a small wedding with about 30 people at a small church was all planned in less than 3 weeks

The 2nd daughter who had been engaged for a yr came in and said we are getting married at his Gm and it is in 3 weeks

all big planned out weddings do is put alot of stress on the ones to be wed and makes alot of hard feelings and most weddings take longer to plan than the marraiges last
Just call me Scrooge
 

Lammie

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Well, it's too late now. She should have said that she wants more imvolvement when you first started planning. Don't let it bother you. There isn't anything you can do about it at this point anyway. My son's fiance wants me to help plan their wedding since her mother lives 400+ miles away and she has no desire to get married in Amarillo. I will try to involve her mother as much as I can. It won't happen for a while anyway, so everything's okay for now.

Just get married and try not to think about it.
 

Jogeephus

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Your future MIL needs to take some tips from Heloise and understand it is NOT HER WEDDING but yours. Its also not your job to remind her of this but your finance's. His job is to arrange and pay for the rehearsal dinner. He and his mother need to coordinate this with you based on YOUR wedding plans. This delegation of authority needs to be made promptly clear early in the game otherwise this could haunt you for years as some people think they are entitled to special treatment outside of the rules of accepted etiquette.
 

grannysoo

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Jogeephus":1bv4j6v9 said:
Your future MIL needs to take some tips from Heloise and understand it is NOT HER WEDDING but yours. Its also not your job to remind her of this but your finance's. His job is to arrange and pay for the rehearsal dinner. He and his mother need to coordinate this with you based on YOUR wedding plans. This delegation of authority needs to be made promptly clear early in the game otherwise this could haunt you for years as some people think they are entitled to special treatment outside of the rules of accepted etiquette.

That was the perfect answer.
 

talldog

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We got married in my wifes church. There was the preacher,custodian, secretary and us on a Friday afternoon.We had a garage appt.(65.oo a mos.) 1965 GTO and 153.00 when we returned Sun. afternoon. I went to work Mon. am and she went to school. That was 41 years and 2 fine children ago. I've never looked back--- if I married 100 times I couldn't have done 1/2 as good !!! Times have changed , but not my love for my wife or family----- the breakdown of the Christian family is what will break this Country !! GOD BLESS AMERICA !!!!!!!! :) :) :) :)
 

Auburn_Ag

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I just went throught a big wedding 2 months ago. No matter how much you try or what you do, someone is going to get ticked off. There will be to many cheifs and not enough Indians. All you need to focus on is you and your husband to be. ENJOY the moment!! Our wedding day, my wife was wandup like a 10 day clock. HA And she will be the first to tell you that it will go by so fast that it want even seem like the whole thing lasted 15 min.

And when you get back you will find out all kinda of things that went on and you never even knew it, I am still finding out thing.

My wifes Grandmother has a flower shop and as directed many wedding. She never had a daughter and my wife is her only granddaughter, so this was to be the wedding of all wedding under her direction. We started decorating the Sunday night before and the rest of the week. Well there is this one woman who wanted to HELP, so she let her. Well by the end of the week she was telling us all what to do and how to do it. So the Church and Life Center is decorated to the T. Everything from lights to ferns to, well best way I can describe it was that I felt like someone else should be getting married there. They all decided to have a meal for our wedding, so the day be for I cooked 150lbs of Boston butts, we as a family fixed the whole meal. So while we were in the wedding , this woman that wanted to help, all she had to do was put everything in grandmothers fancy serving bowls. Well I found out later that she took up grandmother bowls and put down her own , fixed everything up, took pictures and told everyone that she catered the wedding. My wife’s grandmother was fit to be tied.

Now I am sure you wont have anything like that to happen, plus I could write a book on all the things that happened that day. The main thing to remember is that this is your wedding and no matter what happens or what is said you need to try to enjoy this happy moment in your lives, because you will never have another wedding like your first.

I wish you and your husband to be the best of luck.

Oh one last thing, there were several people said that they were going to pack us a basket of food to take with us, well everyone forgot and we had to eat at the only place that was close to where we were staying that night, Mc Donalds. HA HA I don’t care for the place but I wouldn’t take anything for the memories.
 

john250

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Your future MIL is not a bad person to suck up to. She'll suggest 10,000 things you could do to improve the tables, the food, the flowers, etc. and you pick a couple you can live with and ignore the rest. Depending on the personalities involved, it could make life easier down the road. Just sayin...
 

cfpinz

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talldog":33ww8lad said:
We got married in my wifes church. There was the preacher,custodian, secretary and us on a Friday afternoon.We had a garage appt.(65.oo a mos.) 1965 GTO and 153.00 when we returned Sun. afternoon. I went to work Mon. am and she went to school. That was 41 years and 2 fine children ago. I've never looked back--- if I married 100 times I couldn't have done 1/2 as good !!! Times have changed , but not my love for my wife or family----- the breakdown of the Christian family is what will break this Country !! GOD BLESS AMERICA !!!!!!!! :) :) :) :)

You still got the GTO?

My wife and I have this theory: Weddings don't have a dam thing to do with the bride and groom, it's all about the wife's parents, or at least mother. We would have eloped if it hadn't have been for her Mom, her father even suggested it. I stayed out of it, just showed up for the wedding, albeit a little late. Dad doesn't like crowds, he didn't bother to come. I think Mom had a good time, though. She filled my truck with birdseed.
 

Bez+

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Too much stress? Elope

Cheaper - easier and no probs with family.

Unless you are after the gifts, then jabethe wedding knowing there will always be someone pi$$ed off.

Otherwise:

Confront all issues in your life head on - always tell the truth

You will find it makes life better and keeps you from worrying about things like this to the point you start asking complete strangers for advice.

Old enough to marry - then old enough to solve your probs - so do it

Get on with it - right now is the best time to start

Hope it all works out

Bez+
 

backhoeboogie

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showing71":1tgdqti9 said:
BTW: My fiance's parents are throwing another reception in his area for us a month later, so I was going to let her have free reign over that.

That's very kind of you. :D Nice of you to keep her informed about yours too :D

It sounds like you are in for a hard road. This aint the typical compromise between Baptist/Methodist/Catholic etc churches.

She is going to be a part of your family forever. The first thing I would do is sit down and explain why you want things the way you planned them. Rationalize a little bit with her. Communication is a great thing. You don't want to start out with it going the way it sounds like it is headed. These are going to be memebers of your family. Your children's granparents.
 
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showing71

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Thanks everyone. I kind of felt that this is what me and my fiance want, not what everyone else does. Even though everything is going to be simple (the bill is less than $7000, reception included), I now understand why everyone says to do a destination wedding or elope.
 

Tod Dague

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showing71":74ghd144 said:
I will be getting married in a few weeks. My mom and I have been doing all of the wedding planning (with opinions from the groom). We are having the wedding in my hometown, which is about 3 hours from the groom's family. My parents agreed to pay for everything. I found out last night that my mother-in-law to be is p!ssed off that she has had no envolvement in the wedding planning. Throughout the whole process, my fiance and I have been keeping her up to date on what we have decided. I (as well as my family) was under the impression that the mom of the groom doesn't need to be involved in the planning. Am I wrong in thinking this? :help:

BTW: My fiance's parents are throwing another reception in his area for us a month later, so I was going to let her have free reign over that.
I remember when we were getting married, my wife to be kept asking me what I thought of this or that. I kept telling her what eever you want. Then she tells me it's my wedding too and I should have some say so. I gave her some oppinions and she ignored them. :lol: Been together 16 years so far! :D
 

I luv herfrds

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Showing this is your wedding, not her's.
My mother tried to do a "repeat" of both of my sisters weddings. The hubby and I went our own way,
did our own thing and the only trouble we had was when some custom cutters were about to "crash" the wedding and some of our guests scared them off. :D :lol2:

Go forward and have fun. :D
 
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showing71

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Wanted to let you guys know, I was just asking about if you thought the (or any for that matter) MIL should have been involved with the planning or not. I was always told no, especially if she has her own daughters. I haven't had any other issues. Just wanted to clarify, seemed to me like some posts thought I was having a war with the MIL over it.
 

Bez+

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showing71":3m766c4z said:
Wanted to let you guys know, I was just asking about if you thought the (or any for that matter) MIL should have been involved with the planning or not. I was always told no, especially if she has her own daughters. I haven't had any other issues. Just wanted to clarify, seemed to me like some posts thought I was having a war with the MIL over it.

And as I stated - you are now an adult - if old enough to marry you are old enough to face these MINOR - VERY MINOR issues head on.

Take the bull by the horns - and solve the problem - you can be a hard ass and keep her out.

You can be a negotiator and allow her some input

You can be gracious or you can be the female equivalent of a dick head.

Bottom line is you and you alone will have to live with whatever you do.

YOU are the person who makes the decisions - so you will have a friend or a foe for the next bunch of years once you are married.

For it may turn into war - trust me this does happen - and over the most minor of things families have been ruined

What is it all worth to YOU?

Some places you will take a stand - as you should - and some places you will give in - as you should.

Hope it all works out and wish you all the best - but a group of complete strangers is probably the last place I would be going for advice

Enjoy your new life - have lots of healthy children and treat them well - for you will be lonely in your old age if you do not.

Bez+
 

Ryder

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Bez+":2smuvbsd said:
showing71":2smuvbsd said:
Wanted to let you guys know, I was just asking about if you thought the (or any for that matter) MIL should have been involved with the planning or not. I was always told no, especially if she has her own daughters. I haven't had any other issues. Just wanted to clarify, seemed to me like some posts thought I was having a war with the MIL over it.

but a group of complete strangers is probably the last place I would be going for advice


Bez+
And that's a fact.:nod:
 

backhoeboogie

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Ryder":39kuqza0 said:
Bez+":39kuqza0 said:
showing71":39kuqza0 said:
Wanted to let you guys know, I was just asking about if you thought the (or any for that matter) MIL should have been involved with the planning or not. I was always told no, especially if she has her own daughters. I haven't had any other issues. Just wanted to clarify, seemed to me like some posts thought I was having a war with the MIL over it.

but a group of complete strangers is probably the last place I would be going for advice


Bez+
And that's a fact.:nod:

I don't know about that. Bez gave some sound advice - if she pays attention. She isn't even married yet and there appears to be a breakdown in communicatin to me. Those in-laws are going to be family forever when she has children. Even divorced they are the grandparents.

One little match can start a fire that burns a lot of acres.
 

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