Jogeephus
Well-known member
In November a friend of mine from the UK came to visit and he shot a really nice buck and was dead set on having it mounted and shipped back to the UK. Since the size of the package dictates a lot of the freight fee he decided to simply do a skull mount and have the hide dressed here in the states and his taxidermist would put all this on a form when the deer got to the UK. Seems logical right?
I carried the deer to one of the best taxidermists in our area and told him what we were planning on doing and he did his work accordingly. When I got the stuff back I figured there was probably some law on the books that would prevent me from shipping this box overseas without some sort of permit so I lifted the lid on Pandora's Box and lord have mercy you will not believe all the mess that's in the box.
To begin with, I called the state DNR since, after all, it is their deer. Three phone calls later I'm connected to someone who can in all honesty tell me they don't know what to do but it doesn't concern them or their agency but suggested I call the USFWS.
I called the USFWS where I was connected to a very angry woman who was upset because she was supposed to be home that day on leave but had to come in to work. She rudely informed me that she did not do this type thing and her job was specialized in some sort predatory bird licensing of some crap like that. She then told me to call another number. I called this number but only got his answering machine and was informed in an effeminate voice that he would be out for the next four weeks on Christmas vacation - I suspect a pilgrimage to San Francisco.
A month later I call Percy back and he tells me he doesn't do that and I should call the USFWS at the airport. More answering machines. Finally I hit operator and am connected to a fella who seems to know what he is talking about and he tells me I need to call another airport. I do this and get another fella who helps me out a lot but informs me that I need to contact the airport I just called since they are only a receiving point and not a shipping point.
Finally, after two months I find someone who can walk me through the process. Well process would imply a some planned thought and logic - this system is anything but. Anyhow, with 30 pages of paperwork in front of me I try to fill out the forms knowing full well if I make the least mistake in the form I'll have to start the process over. After two days of pulling my hair out I call this guy back and he helps me fill the form out. Where he got the special codes and special numbers for the blanks is beyond comprehension but it is finally filled out and I am on my way - well almost.
He then tells me that I will need to get a veterinarian certificate to certify that the deer doesn't have any diseases and is healthy. Umm, THE DEER IS DEAD! But that's beside the point. I go to my vets office armed with a pre-typed letter confirming that the deer is in fact dead and the deer has been stuffed by a licensed taxidermist. Vet apologizes and refuses to do certify it because they have had some bad experiences in dealing with this sort of thing and life is just too short. Vet gives me the number of the State Department of Ag and suggest I call them.
I call the State Department of Ag and am informed that they do not consider wildlife an agricultural item so they do not handle this sort of thing. The secretary suggest I call the USDA and see what they say. I call them and am put through to a Vet who handles this sort of thing and was very helpful. Tells me she will issue the permit once I give her the import permit number and a check for $100. I asked her if she needed to actually look at the animal and inspect it and she said no. I call my friend and tell him we need the import permit number from DEFRA and we will have it worked out. He then opens yet another Pandora's Box and after another 2 months or so we learn that they want another $150 for the permit and another $150 to inspect the animal to be sure it is not one of the deer that is on the endangered species list AND they wanted the license number of the taxidermist which was issued by the European Union. :???:
I then call back to the USDA and tell the vet that our taxidermist is not European Union Certified and am informed that in that case I will have to have the deer re-done by another taxidermist who is EU Certified and there just so happens to be one in Texas and am provided with their name and number. :bang:
This was a deer of a lifetime for my friend and he wasn't taking no for an answer so he decided to try Plan B. Plan B amounted to simply flying back to the US and picking up the deer and sticking the deer in a suitcase and flying back to the UK. I am pleased to say as of 10:00 a.m this morning the deer is in the UK and the savings in permits alone will pay for the completed mount of the deer.
Its amazing to me that the world is all up in arms over Waterboarding of known terrorists when they treat law abiding, well intentioned, citizens in this manner. I can truthfully say waterboarding ain't nothing. Torture, I mean true torture, is having to deal with a bureaucracy such as this and I assure you I would rather slowly push an ice pick through my ear to its hilt than ever have to go through this BS again. But then again, had I not gone to all this trouble I wouldn't have a bottle of single malt irish whiskey on the counter for my trouble either. Or maybe I don't - cause you can't ship that either. :bang:
I carried the deer to one of the best taxidermists in our area and told him what we were planning on doing and he did his work accordingly. When I got the stuff back I figured there was probably some law on the books that would prevent me from shipping this box overseas without some sort of permit so I lifted the lid on Pandora's Box and lord have mercy you will not believe all the mess that's in the box.
To begin with, I called the state DNR since, after all, it is their deer. Three phone calls later I'm connected to someone who can in all honesty tell me they don't know what to do but it doesn't concern them or their agency but suggested I call the USFWS.
I called the USFWS where I was connected to a very angry woman who was upset because she was supposed to be home that day on leave but had to come in to work. She rudely informed me that she did not do this type thing and her job was specialized in some sort predatory bird licensing of some crap like that. She then told me to call another number. I called this number but only got his answering machine and was informed in an effeminate voice that he would be out for the next four weeks on Christmas vacation - I suspect a pilgrimage to San Francisco.
A month later I call Percy back and he tells me he doesn't do that and I should call the USFWS at the airport. More answering machines. Finally I hit operator and am connected to a fella who seems to know what he is talking about and he tells me I need to call another airport. I do this and get another fella who helps me out a lot but informs me that I need to contact the airport I just called since they are only a receiving point and not a shipping point.
Finally, after two months I find someone who can walk me through the process. Well process would imply a some planned thought and logic - this system is anything but. Anyhow, with 30 pages of paperwork in front of me I try to fill out the forms knowing full well if I make the least mistake in the form I'll have to start the process over. After two days of pulling my hair out I call this guy back and he helps me fill the form out. Where he got the special codes and special numbers for the blanks is beyond comprehension but it is finally filled out and I am on my way - well almost.
He then tells me that I will need to get a veterinarian certificate to certify that the deer doesn't have any diseases and is healthy. Umm, THE DEER IS DEAD! But that's beside the point. I go to my vets office armed with a pre-typed letter confirming that the deer is in fact dead and the deer has been stuffed by a licensed taxidermist. Vet apologizes and refuses to do certify it because they have had some bad experiences in dealing with this sort of thing and life is just too short. Vet gives me the number of the State Department of Ag and suggest I call them.
I call the State Department of Ag and am informed that they do not consider wildlife an agricultural item so they do not handle this sort of thing. The secretary suggest I call the USDA and see what they say. I call them and am put through to a Vet who handles this sort of thing and was very helpful. Tells me she will issue the permit once I give her the import permit number and a check for $100. I asked her if she needed to actually look at the animal and inspect it and she said no. I call my friend and tell him we need the import permit number from DEFRA and we will have it worked out. He then opens yet another Pandora's Box and after another 2 months or so we learn that they want another $150 for the permit and another $150 to inspect the animal to be sure it is not one of the deer that is on the endangered species list AND they wanted the license number of the taxidermist which was issued by the European Union. :???:
I then call back to the USDA and tell the vet that our taxidermist is not European Union Certified and am informed that in that case I will have to have the deer re-done by another taxidermist who is EU Certified and there just so happens to be one in Texas and am provided with their name and number. :bang:
This was a deer of a lifetime for my friend and he wasn't taking no for an answer so he decided to try Plan B. Plan B amounted to simply flying back to the US and picking up the deer and sticking the deer in a suitcase and flying back to the UK. I am pleased to say as of 10:00 a.m this morning the deer is in the UK and the savings in permits alone will pay for the completed mount of the deer.
Its amazing to me that the world is all up in arms over Waterboarding of known terrorists when they treat law abiding, well intentioned, citizens in this manner. I can truthfully say waterboarding ain't nothing. Torture, I mean true torture, is having to deal with a bureaucracy such as this and I assure you I would rather slowly push an ice pick through my ear to its hilt than ever have to go through this BS again. But then again, had I not gone to all this trouble I wouldn't have a bottle of single malt irish whiskey on the counter for my trouble either. Or maybe I don't - cause you can't ship that either. :bang:
