Wal Mart

[9 ER]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind
him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike
replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give
it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and
what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a
lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-
Mart. He deposits ten dollars and ten seconds later, the computer
ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-
Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits
ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1.Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2.Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.

"Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

 

[cowgal]

A Wal-Mart store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX
where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men.

Among the instructions at the entrance, is a description of how
the store operates. There are only 6 floors. It states that attributes
of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch.... As you open the door to any floor
you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to find a
husband....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead
good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous,
help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor
and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are
no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that
women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping Wal-Mart's Husband Store. Watch your
step when you exit the building - and have a nice day!