Understanding engineers

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dun

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Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."



Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.





Understanding Engineers - Take Eight



An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and

said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a

beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it

to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,

I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into

his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful

princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.

Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a

girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
 
dun":c4a62c16 said:
Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
EXACTLY!!! :D
 
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Watch it Dun!!! :lol:

To top it all, those jokes assume all engineers are males. Wimmens engineers might get offended. My engineer daughter would choose the bike and talking frog for sure. (I wish I would have started out with the salary she did).
 
backhoeboogie":2djcmu4r said:
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Watch it Dun!!! :lol:

To top it all, those jokes assume all engineers are males. Wimmens engineers might get offended. My engineer daughter would choose the bike and talking frog for sure. (I wish I would have started out with the salary she did).

That's part of the reason I took out number 6
 
dun":3g8fsrfh said:
backhoeboogie":3g8fsrfh said:
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Watch it Dun!!! :lol:

To top it all, those jokes assume all engineers are males. Wimmens engineers might get offended. My engineer daughter would choose the bike and talking frog for sure. (I wish I would have started out with the salary she did).

That's part of the reason I took out number 6

Uh Oh.

BTW. This is great. When the wife doesn't logically understand how something works, I can just look at the daughter and say, "You explain it to her" and go about my business.
 
My X wife use to tell this riddle.
What do Engineers use for birth control?
Answer = Personality
 
dun":14jabeku said:
backhoeboogie":14jabeku said:
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Watch it Dun!!! :lol:

To top it all, those jokes assume all engineers are males. Wimmens engineers might get offended. My engineer daughter would choose the bike and talking frog for sure. (I wish I would have started out with the salary she did).

That's part of the reason I took out number 6

Dun you are a true gentleman. Thanks for the laughs I have several friends in the business who I will forward these to.
 
Uncle, couple or three cousins, brother in law, ex father-in-law. All engineers of one sort or another.
I really think they enjoy the stereotype.
It's at least two steps above having a bunch of lawyers in the family. :lol: :lol:
 
That's a hoot. I was rolling. :lol: Emailed to my son whose studying engineering at this moment - or he better be studying. ;-)
 
I e-mailed it to a couple of engineers, now I'm waiting o hear back from them so I can explain it to them
 

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