Twas The Night Before Christmas

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Bama

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The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas below the Mason Dixon line,
The reindeer were worried, but Santa assured them they would be fine.
All those rednecks with rifles, they said they would rather not,
Santa promised them, no one would get shot.
They got in position in front of the sleigh,
Then Santa climbed in and hollered "up, up and away"
They left in an instant at breakneck speed,
Faster than a coon that had never been treed.
The kids were sleeping all snug in their bed,
Dreaming of Christmas, their prayers done said.
No milk and cookies are under the tree,
Its sausage and biscuits with a glass of sweet tea.
Tow sacks are hung, no stockings of wool,
Hoping ole Santa would fill em plum full.
Awaken from my sleep I heard a big racket,
I grabbed my pistol and Carhart jacket.
There were presents scattered all over the room,
It was only one possibility I had to assume.
There were toy trucks and tractors and even a fishing pole,
No bags of switches not even any coal.
A kitten for Sissy to sit on her lap,
A rifle for Junior and a John Deere cap.
Steel traps and a bundle of bottle rockets,
A case knife for each to put in their pockets.
There are hunting boots and a big pile of ammo,
All kinds of cloths, in all shades of camo.
I reckon we had been good somehow after all,
The presents were stacked from wall to wall.
When Ma gets up I'm sure she can't wait,
To try out her brand new spinner-bait.
Of all the gifts I like mine the best,
A set of waders clean up to my chest.
He couldn'a got far I thought to myself,
He's kinda fat, for a jolly ole elf.
I went to the window and threw open the curtain,
What I saw next, I ain't really certain.
Way out back a blood curdling scream did commence,
Seems like something had found my barb wire fence.
He escaped the tangle so lively and quick,
I knew then and there it must be Saint Nick.
He spun and twisted then turned around
He was face to face with our blue tick hound.
He ran around the bean field, Ole Blue on the chase,
They looked like them cars at a Talladega race.
He dashed rather swiftly across the turnip patch,
Out the gate, but he missed the latch.
Ole Blue on his heels he ran past the shed,
With the butt chewed from his britches he jumped in his sled.
Rudolph got tickled at Santas demise,
Laughing so hard, tears filled his eyes.
The reindeer were anxious and ready to leave,
But Santa had one last trick still up his sleeve.
He grabbed one rein and pulled real hard,
Then he done a doughnut right in our front yard.
Before he left I heard him call,
God Bless Dixie, Merry Christmas Ya'll

J Pace 2014
 

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