Top Police Comments Taken From Police Videos

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Well-known member
Aug 15, 2007
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Heart of Texas
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country

16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9 "Warning! You want a warning? OKAY, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.
I was flipping thru channels the other night and there was a show called speeders on
they had this guy who was drunk and had parked in a ditch
they asked him if he knew his ABCs and he said ya mean like C X Y and stuff they said yes and he says NO but I know where I was born then he proceeds to tell them he is CIA and shows them his profficency in Martial arts

I laughed the entire show
I spent 16 years as a police officer..I've actually used number 15.

I stopped a guy for speeding one night and when I asked him what the hurry was, he said that he wasn't from around here. I asked him if they had speed limit signs where he came from. When he said, "Yes." I pointed out that we had them here, too.

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