Thru the Eyes of a Child

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TexasBred

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A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
 

john250

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TexasBred":2z05cgt2 said:
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???



Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Why does this make me think of Alice and Miller lights, which can now be legally purchased in Erath County.
How's the manicotti, Alice?
 

john250

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TexasBred":bkw2dtfy said:
John you mean Erath Co. is now wet? Must have voted while the baptist were having bible school.

All I know is what Alice posted. Heck, I'm up here in German and Irish southern Indiana. We can buy liquor at our bank branches.
 
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TexasBred

TexasBred

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john250":2pmitjxf said:
TexasBred":2pmitjxf said:
John you mean Erath Co. is now wet? Must have voted while the baptist were having bible school.

All I know is what Alice posted. Heck, I'm up here in German and Irish southern Indiana. We can buy liquor at our bank branches.

John that sounds a lot like here. Heck St. Martin's church has a beer joint in the parrish hall. Get there early and you can get in on the football pot. (German's and Czechs)
 

john250

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TexasBred":1mpx3d10 said:
john250":1mpx3d10 said:
TexasBred":1mpx3d10 said:
John you mean Erath Co. is now wet? Must have voted while the baptist were having bible school.

All I know is what Alice posted. Heck, I'm up here in German and Irish southern Indiana. We can buy liquor at our bank branches.

John that sounds a lot like here. Heck St. Martin's church has a beer joint in the parrish hall. Get there early and you can get in on the football pot. (German's and Czechs)

Yep. My grandad did some stonework on the Knights of Columbus Hall. The bar is hardwood and shelves. Nice.
Catholics have the best weddings.
I've been to several Baptist and Methodist weddings, and they serve sheet cake and sweet punch. Any Catholic wedding is 3 kegs minimum. Catholics understand suffering. :)
 
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TexasBred

TexasBred

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Yep...90% of the town is Catholic so we have lots of big weddings...always with a full catered meal as well as the "suds". About 150 folks show up for a BIG wedding....600-700 show up for the reception at the KC Hall.
 

Angus Guy

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Yep Catholic weddings are fun. But the best I've been to in awhile is an old fashion Irish Catholic Wake. More booze flowing there than in most bars.
 

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