Thought the Women on Here Might Enjoy These.

[Victoria]

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out
by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
> >>
> >>
> >> A couple drove down a country road for
> >> several miles, not saying a word.
> >> An earlier discussion had led to an argument
> >> and
> >> neither of them wanted to concede their
> >> position.
> >> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,
> >> and pigs,
> >> the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
> >> of yours?"
> >> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> W O R D S
> >>
> >>
> >> A husband read an article to his wife about
> >> how many words women use a day... 30,000
> >> to a man's 15,000.
> >> The wife replied, "The reason has to be
> >> because we have to repeat everything to
> >> men...
> >> The husband then turned to his wife and
> >> asked, "What?"
> >>
> >>
> >> CREATION
> >>
> >>
> >> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know
> >> how you can be
> >> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
> >> time.
> >> " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
> >> God made me beautiful so you would be
> >> attracted to me;
> >> God made me stupid so I would be attracted
> >> to you!
> >>
> >>
> >> The Silent Treatment
> >>
> >>
> >> A man and his wife were having some
> >> problems at home and were giving each
> >> other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man
> >> realized that the next day, he would need his
> >> wife to wake him at 5:00 AMfor an early
> >> morning business flight.
> >> Not wanting to be the first to break the
> >> silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of
> >> paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left
> >> it where he knew she would find it.
> >> The next morning, the man woke up, only to
> >> discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed
> >> his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
> >> see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when
> >> he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
> >> paper said,
> >>
> >> "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."!
> >> Men are not equipped for these kinds of
> >> contests.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> God may have created man before woman,
> >> but there is always a rough draft before the
> >> masterpiece.
> > _________________________________________________________________

 

[msscamp]

ROFLMAO!!!! Excellent! Thanks, Victoria.

 

[RebelCritter]

FUNNY!!! :lol: :lol:

 

[Crowderfarms]

Dang, That last sentence HURT!

 

[Scout]

those are great!!!! :lol:

 

[warpaint]

I find absolutely no humor in these!!!




Just kidding. :lol: :lol:

 

[WagaAgeyv]

I thoroughly enjoyed these and passes them on to the others who would agree. Just like a man not to know whats good or not. :lol:

 

[Rustler9]

We're not supposed to know what's good-we've got ya'll to tell us.....

 

[Victoria]

Dang, That last sentence HURT!

Ah, the truth always hurts.

 

[msscamp]

We're not supposed to know what's good-we've got ya'll to tell us.....

Then why won't you listen? :? :???:

 

[Rustler9]

maybe I'm just bull headed.

 

[msscamp]

maybe I'm just bull headed.

:lol2: :lol2:

 

[MoGal]

Here's a few more to start your day with a grin...... (Victoria hope you don't mind I added them onto your thread instead of starting another thread)

HORSES vs HUSBANDS
THE HUSBAND'S ADVANTAGE:
1. Husbands are less expensive to shoe.
2. Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares with the hassle of putting up hay.
3. A lame husband can still work.
4. A husband with a belly-ache doesn't have to be walked.
5. Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back or slobber on your shirt sleeves.
6. They're better able to understand puns..
7. If they're playing hard to catch, you *may* be able to run them down on foot.
8. They know their name.
9. They pay their own bills. (Well, some do...)
10. They apologize when they step on your toes.
11. No saddle fitting problems.
12. They seldom refuse to get in the vehicle.
13. They don't panic, yelling and running all through the house when you leave them alone. (Unless you left the kids with them, too.)
14. For a nominal fee you can hire someone else to clip them.
15. They don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because she fed him 3 days straight.

THE HORSE'S ADVANTAGE:
1. If they don't work out you can sell them.
2. They don't come with in-laws.
3. You don't have to worry about your children looking like them.
4. You never have to iron the saddle pads.
5. If you get too fat for one you can shop for a bigger one.
6. They smell good when they sweat.
7. You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape.
8. It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence".
9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition.
10. They don't want their turn at the computer.
11. They turn white with age, but not bald.
12. They've never *heard* of PMS.
13. They learn to accept restraint..
14. They love to go trail riding.
15. They don't care what you look like, as long as you have a carrot.

NOW FOR THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN HUSBANDS AND HORSES:
1. They both seem to be proficient at "selective listening".
2. Neither one likes too tight of a rein.
3. They both need help getting dressed and rarely have any fashion sense.
4. Neither one has really figured out the washing machine, dishwasher, or iron.
5. They both fart loudly in front of you without embarrassment.
6. They both get hairier as they get older.
7. We make them both get a haircut and shave for their own good, but they would both rather run around totally furry.
8. They are both usually trainable.
9. But, both will always have vices that annoy you, whether it be cribbing or just leaving the toilet seat up.
10. If you treat them right and love them well, they will both do just about anything for you.


"You gotta get up early in the morning to catch a fox and stay up late at night to get a mink." -- Mae West


BUS RIDE
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down
and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but
her attention is galvanized when she hears one of
the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda
how to spella Mississippi.""

 

[RebelCritter]

Great!!! Love them!

 

[Victoria]

Of course I don't mind MoGal! Those were good, especially the selective listening, my husband, horse, dog and cows all suffer from that one! :roll: :lol: