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Think you had a bad day?

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TLCfromARK

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Feb 24, 2004
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Location
Southwest Arkansas
"Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.  Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I  wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time  of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep  warm is this:  We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This  $20,000 piece of crap sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it  down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped  to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan,  and I've used it several times with no
complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working,  is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my  neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's  like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well  until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So of   course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.  Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled  the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.   In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water  machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into  my suit.
This is even worse than the poison ivy you  once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my  back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back.
My butt crack  was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought  was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish  into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my  dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were  unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other  divers were laughing hysterically. Needless to say I  aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing  in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my chamber dry  decompression. I got to the surface wearing
nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the  bell. When I
got on board the medic, with tears of  laughter running down his face,
handed me a tube of  cream and told me to shove it "up my butt" when I get
in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I  couldn't crap for two days because my butthole was  swollen shut. I later found out that this could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on  the leeward side of the ship.  Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the  office, think of me. Think about how much worse your  day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your  butt.

I hope you have no bad days at the office. But  if you do, I hope this will make them more tolerable.
 

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