Things my mother taught me.

[TLCfromARK]

> 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
> > "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
> > cleaning."
> >
> >
> > 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
> > "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
> >
> > 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
> > "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle
> > of next week!"
> >
> > 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
> > "Because I said so, that's why."
> >
> > 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
> > "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
> > going to the store with me."
> >
> > 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
> > "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
> > accident."
> >
> > 7. My mother taught me IRONY.
> > "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
> >
> > 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
> > "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
> >
> > 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
> > "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
> >
> > 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
> > "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
> >
> > 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
> > "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
> >
> > 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
> > " If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
> > exaggerate!"
> >
> > 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
> > "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
> >
> > 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
> > "Stop acting like your father!"
> >
> > 15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
> > "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
> > don't have wonderful parents like you do."
> >
> > 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
> > "Just wait until we get home"
> >
> > 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
> > "You are going to get it when you get home!"
> >
> > 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
> > " If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze
> > that way."
> >
> > 19. My mother taught me ESP.
> > "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
> >
> > 20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
> > " When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to
> > me."
> >
> > 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
> > "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
> >
> > 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
> > " You're just like your father."
> >
> > 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
> > "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
> >
> > 24. My mother taught me WISDOM
> > " When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
> >
> > 25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day
> > you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

;-)

 

[Running Arrow Bill]

Sounds like my mother...or at least when she was alive and I was a kid.

She also taught me about FEAR! "Wait till your father gets home...."

 

[Cattle Rack Rancher]

My mother gave me the most valuable advice I've ever had. She said 'Just do as you're told and everything will be fine'. Those are words to live by for a married man.