Rustler9
Well-known member
This is a compilation of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from
a freshman year college class.
I've typed everything as I read so its a blooper and not my bad typing.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. Tey
lived in the Sarah Desert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah
is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
threw the java.
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one place for very ong.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of
March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture
his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally
Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while
standing on his son's head.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When
she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenburg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation
of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world
with a 100 foot clipper.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born
in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
histerectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of
a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Frankin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats
backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannont stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On
the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator
(yes, that's how it reads) was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of
children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer
in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half
English. He was very large.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud
music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for
him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted and heir to inherit his power, but since
Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio.
And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
a freshman year college class.
I've typed everything as I read so its a blooper and not my bad typing.
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. Tey
lived in the Sarah Desert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah
is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and
threw the java.
Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans
because they never stayed in one place for very ong.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of
March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying,
he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture
his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally
Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged.
Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while
standing on his son's head.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When
she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenburg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation
of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world
with a 100 foot clipper.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born
in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
histerectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of
a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Frankin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats
backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannont stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On
the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his
seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator
(yes, that's how it reads) was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of
children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer
in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half
English. He was very large.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud
music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for
him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted
into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted and heir to inherit his power, but since
Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio.
And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
