The Importance of Tithing

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TexasBred

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Two men crashed in their private plane on a South Pacific Island. Both survived. One of the men brushed himself off and then proceeded to run all over the island to see if they had any chance of survival.

When he returned, he rushed up to the other man and screamed, 'This island is uninhabited, there is no food, there is no water. We are going to die!'

The other man leaned back against the fuselage of the wrecked plane, folded his arms and responded, 'No we're not. I make over $250,000 a week.'

The first man grabbed his friend and shook him. 'Listen, we are on an uninhabited island. There is no food, no water. We are going to die!'

The other man, unruffled, again responded. 'No, I make over $250,000 a week.'

Mystified, the first man, taken aback with such an answer again repeated, 'For the last time, I'm telling you we ARE doomed. There is NO one else on this island. There is NO food. There is NO water. We
are, I repeat, going to die a slow death.'

Still unfazed, the first man looked the other in the eyes and said, 'Do not make me say this again. I make over $250,000 per week, I am a Baptist, and I tithe. MY PASTOR WILL FIND US!'
 

alacattleman

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You know if you take a baptist buddy fishing, you have too take two..... if you take just one, he'll drink all your beer. but when you take two neither one will touch em :p
 

Lammie

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Am loving the Baptist jokes. Keep them coming.

I know a guy like that. Not quite that much, but he built t he church where he'd been a member since he was a boy. Every building, every program, he'd paid for. He recently changed churches. I didn't ask why. But I bet they are sure missing his tithes.
 

perda04

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I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said “Stop! Don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Well, there’s so much to live for!” “Like what?” “Well… are you religious?” He said yes. I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?” “Christian.” “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ? “Protestant.” “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” “Baptist” “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” “Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?” “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!” I said, “Die, heretic scum”, and pushed him off. (Emo Philips)
 

perda04

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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders three mugs of brew and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender tells him, "You know, a mug goes flat pretty quick after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just one at a time."

"Well, you see," said the cowpoke, "I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in England and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together, so I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."

"Well , that's an interesting idea," says the bar keep. One day, the cowboy comes in and orders only two mugs. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks puzzled for a moment, then he laughs and says, "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. It doesn't make any difference to my brothers though."
__________________
 

perda04

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YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...

You think John the Baptist started the SBC.

You think God's presence is strongest on the back three pews.

You think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.

You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.

Your definition of fellowship has something to do with food.

You honestly believe that the Apostle Paul spoke King James English.

You think worship music has to be loud.

You think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.

You judge the quality of a service by its length.

You ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach.

You believe that you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.

You have never sung the third verse of any hymn.

You have never put an IOU in the offering plate.

You think someone who says "Amen" while the preacher is preaching might be a Charismatic.

You complain that the pastor only works one day and then he works too long.

You clapped in church and felt guilty about it all week.

You are old enough to get a senior discount at the pharmacy, but not old enough to promote to the Senior Adult Sunday School; you think the only promotion after that is the cemetery.

You are upset that Joshua brought down the wall of Jericho and think that the deacons should recommend that the church pay for it to prevent a general ruckus.
 

cowman30

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I am a baptist and I find these jokes offensive :-( of course I have some methodist blood in me to so I could go either way I guess.
 
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TexasBred

TexasBred

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cowman30":3n1s2lx2 said:
I am a baptist and I find these jokes offensive :-( of course I have some methodist blood in me to so I could go either way I guess.

Cowman...them ain't jokes....them's "Gospel". :lol: :lol: :lol:
 

rusty

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Heard this this morning on the FM.Pastor noticed he was getting a pink envelope in collection plate every Sunday for 3 weeks with 1000.00 in each.Started watching and noticed little old lady putting it in.After service asked her about it and she said her son was a vet and sent her 10,000. a week.He said he must make good money to be able to afford to help her with so much.She told him he had three 2 in Reno and one in Vegas.He asked what kind of vet was he she said he ran cathouses.

Also I heard the only differance between Baptist and Methodist is a Methodist can read.
 

Ryder

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TexasBred":1vgxw2cq said:
cowman30":1vgxw2cq said:
I am a baptist and I find these jokes offensive :-( of course I have some methodist blood in me to so I could go either way I guess.

Cowman...them ain't jokes....them's "Gospel". :lol: :lol: :lol:
That's the truth.

I'm pretty much tone deaf and I grew up in church listening to singing I did not enjoy. I knew about Dizzy Dean the baseball player. But I could never figure out why they were singing about loving Lefty Dean. Had never heard of him.
Years later I discovered it was not Lefty Dean, but was Love Lifted Me. :dunce:
 

Ryder

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Had a third or fourth coousin that said if he ever got to lazy to work he was going to take up preaching and get his two front teeth pulled. Teeth removal was so he could pull that chicken leg through and just strip the meat off.

He never got around to preaching. He was needed in the barroom to help support Jack Daniels.
 

spoon

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I too am Baptist. Southern Baptist, but I do have a sense of humor. As jokes I find most of these quite funny. Hopefully these jokes are just that. Jokes. If by some chance some of you are actually antiBaptist if you will send me a pm I'd be glad to pray for you. Given the other choices I'll just keep singing real loud. I am after all one of only two basses in our choir. :D
 

3waycross

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No offense to the Baptists but does anyone know why Baptists don't have sex standing up.


They're afraid it might lead to Dancing. :cowboy:
 
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TexasBred

TexasBred

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spoon":2qfvzi7d said:
I too am Baptist. Southern Baptist, but I do have a sense of humor. As jokes I find most of these quite funny. Hopefully these jokes are just that. Jokes. If by some chance some of you are actually antiBaptist if you will send me a pm I'd be glad to pray for you. Given the other choices I'll just keep singing real loud. I am after all one of only two basses in our choir. :D

Hey Spoon....all was intended to be nothing but good fun. Some of my best friends are Baptist. A am Catholic so I've heard my share of priest and nun jokes as well. Gotta learn to laugh at ourselves sometimes. Blessings to you and yours.
 

alacattleman

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my joke hits close too home..as a kid my stepdad worked at a beverage co. he got a case or two free every week ......we lived next door to the baptist parsonage, the preacher would come over and drink a few with him on weekends.
 

HerefordSire

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In the town I live in, every Wednesday night, Catholics and "in denial" sinners may be the only drivers on the roads. :mrgreen:
 
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TexasBred

TexasBred

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HerefordSire":2cih1xsn said:
In the town I live in, every Wednesday night, Catholics and "in denial" sinners may be the only drivers on the roads. :mrgreen:

We go to the 6:30 mass so we can get out early, stop and have a couple of cold beers and get home in time for the 10 pm news. :lol:
 
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