The Bacon Tree

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Cattle Rack Rancher

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Two soldiers are out in the middle of the desert lost for weeks. They finally stumble upon an oasis and the first thing they see is a tree laden with bacon. There is crispy bacon, juicy bacon, honey bacon, all kinds of bacon. The first soldier goes running toward the tree and is promptly shot down in a hail of bullets. His partner yells to him 'Is there something wrong with the bacon tree?' and with his dying breath his parther replies 'Don't come any closer, it's not a bacon tree, its a ham bush'.
 
That was bad on so many levels.

Let's try this again.

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Norwegian sitting beneath a tree.

"Is there some place ahead where we can get food?"

"Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I wouldn't go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree."

"A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader.

"Yah, n bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn't go dere."

The leader goes back and tells his people what the Norwegian said.

"So why did he say not to go there?," a person asked.

Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Norwegian people - they lie just for a joke."

So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old Norwegian.

Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths! We followed your route, but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me."

The old Norwegian man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a minute." He quickly picks up an English-Norwegian dictionary and begins thumbing through it.

"Oof-da, I made such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree, it vuz a ham bush."
 

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