Teenage daughter issue - please help!

[Ryder]

I'm still a teenager I guess (I'll be 20 in a month), and here's my take: She committed to the basketball team, and you said yourself, you asked her several times if she was sure she wanted to give up other things in order to do it. If she really really wants to go to prom, she should go to the one at her school and bring this boy-then you can meet him and you will know where she is, close by. She should talk to her coach and I am sure he/she will let her miss one or two games for prom,

Seems to me you make pretty good sense even if you are young. :nod:

 

[GMN]

The fact that you don't even know the boy, would be an easy decision for me. Plus if she misses the game she won't just be hurting herself, her team members are relying on her. She will have to learn sooner than later that she has responsibilities, once she has committed herself to them, she has to stick it out.

What happens later in life, when she doesn't want to finish college or go to work, will whining and crying get her out of that too?

I think as parents you have to make her stick to her word, she may hate you for it, tough, won't be the first or the last time for that. Remember you are the parents, have to set an example not be her friend.

GMN

 

[john250]

Mitch, you have posted about your daughter's bball so it seems that bball is important to the family. That's great!
There are thousands of colleges trying to fill tens of thousands of roster spaces in college basketball, so you could be talking serious $ when it comes to the daughter's education. If she is good enough to make a traveling squad, she will get some offers. If she skips a game, she will see the coach limits her time, maybe even bench her. It likely won't be a plus.
Now, as for the prom date. It seems y'all are conflicted, since she already has the dress. Maybe she thinks it is important to YOU that she go to the prom. So she was willing to take a last minute invite from a guy she doesn't really know. As a dad, I would want to interview the guy.
I don't think we (any of us) can dismiss the possibility of love when it comes along. If the guy is a winner, I'd recommend the prom. If the guy is B- or less, I'd recommend some hoops.

 

[Tod Dague]

She understood, she tried out and she made the team.

She made the committment to the team, she needs to honor her committment.

My response:

You agreed to the commitment, and you would be letting your team down also.
Besides the fact I have no clue about anything with this boy.

She says shes a teenager, basketball shouldn't be her life, she should be able to live, she cries to dad, she says mean things, yada yada yada....

Michele

She voluntarily made basketball her life when she accepted her place on the team. It is no longer about her and what she wants - at least until the end of July - it's now about the team she elected to join, and the committment she made to them. The coach and other people sponsoring this team believed her, believed in her, and she needs to accept the responsibility of fulfilling her committment to them.

Well said!

Tod

 

[CattleHand]

I'm still a teenager I guess (I'll be 20 in a month), and here's my take: She committed to the basketball team, and you said yourself, you asked her several times if she was sure she wanted to give up other things in order to do it. If she really really wants to go to prom, she should go to the one at her school and bring this boy-then you can meet him and you will know where she is, close by. She should talk to her coach and I am sure he/she will let her miss one or two games for prom,

Seems to me you make pretty good sense even if you are young. :nod:

I agree. I think that idea makes the most sense to me, especially if her own prom doesnt conflict with any games. Not like that guy probably cares much about which prom he goes to anyways, he's probably going just to fit in with the crowd or because he has an eye out for your daughter. As for checking out the guy, I remember before I took a girl to my senior prom I had to go have lunch with her folks first since they didnt know me. Good luck working through the "crisis".

 

[iowafarmer]

Make her go to the basketball game. Im a senior in highschool and im not going to my prom. Prom is a pointless waste of a goodfriday night. MAybe girls feel different about this and the prom she is going to doesnt havea manditory lock in till 3 in the morning. I wnet to my junior prom it was boring. The food was good but people just sat around. She made the commitment to basketball. Baskteball will get her farther in life and teach her something. Prom doesnt do anything close to that. She will be angry with you but it wont last long. (hopefully) Prom is overrated anyway. She can wear the prom dress to a dance or something else. I dont remember if u said she was a senior or junior if she is a junior she can miss prom, senior prom is supposedly more important. If she is a senior she went to prom last year and she knows what it is all about. She wont miss anything. Basketball, i think u made the right call.

 

[peg4x4]

Whatever you do will be wrong. Do what you think is right. If you're lucky,in 40 years she'll say, in your hearing "Gee,the parents were right." happened to me----once-----------
.

 

[Jogeephus]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this. I believe this could be a good life's lesson for your daughter. And for you, it may be a semi-gauge of how well you have instilled your values in your child. I truly think that she may surprise you as to how much she is going to be like you in her decision making. The last thing you want is for her to buck. Give her a little rein. The key is to get her to think about ALL the different sides to this like an adult and understand the responsibilites and the etiquette that will be required with each decision.(etiquette and responsibility isn't about YOU the mean mother - its about what is right - so stay neutral) Then turn her loose to make her decision herself. She is getting at the age where her decisions are more than choices between gum drops and lollypops. Its hard. I know.

 

[Brandonm22]

I would make her go to the basketball games. I never went to Prom, Homecoming, or any of that silliness. I have been to a couple of Alabama Governor's Inaugaration balls and if prom was anything like that I doubt I missed anything.

 

[hillsdown]

Everyone has a good point Michelle. Wow do you ever have a doozy..Good luck and go with your gut, the part that is a mom first and a friend second..

Let us know what your decision is. I do not envy your situation at all... :cowboy:

 

[ga. prime]

Let her do whatever she wants.

 

[redluv]

Being recently graduated from the teen world, I can understand her position. Newly entering adulthood, I can understand yours. I know this has been said previously, and letting my inner teenager out... make her choose. Whatever she chooses, she has to live with it. If she chooses prom, she has to tell coach (reasons why obviously), and has to live with "letting her team down" (as mom and dad put it for me when I wanted to go to cattle shows and sales instead of sports ). I would suggest meeting the boy if she goes to prom before hand, just in case. Making her choose (whatever it is) lets her know you are reasonable and aren't out to be "mean." Trust me, the more restrictions, the more the teenager fights back and starts doing worse. Been there, done that, mom and dad weren't too happy and neither was I. Good luck to you!

 

[Lammie]

Not having read this whole post, I can say that if she initially wanted to make the committment to basketball, then she should honor her first committment. You paid the money and she should do it. She'll get over the hatefullness. That's a part of growing up.

 

[Angus Cowman]

Not having read this whole post, I can say that if she initially wanted to make the committment to basketball, then she should honor her first committment. You paid the money and she should do it. She'll get over the hatefullness. That's a part of growing up.

That would be the 1st women that ever has :lol:

 

[mitch2]

Man everyone has great opinions!! I appreciate them all - young and old!

Ok, Daughter is a freshman. If this were her junior prom, I would have no prob's having her go to that over a tourney.

This is a bb club that has tryouts and the girls on this team, 8 of them, are from all over the state and one from MN. So everyones prom could be on a different night. Losing one player over a weekend, when you have 5 to 6 games is a big loss especially when it is a "gun and run" game.

She has a tourney on her prom weekend which is over two hours away.
She has a tourney on the weekend of this boy's.

These events are NCAA certified so there is exposure to the college coaches.

FYI - Daughters goal since I don't know when has been to be recruited for a D1 college.

We talked on Sunday morning driving to the tourney, and at least we could talk, and she wasn't "throwing a fit", so I think the inital "NO" shock had worn off a bit over night, and she was thinking more reasonably. Will see how the next day or so go.

I have a fear that occasionally my daughter has a "grass is greener" approach to friends and social events. And this is one of those times.

Michele

 

[LoveMoo11]

well since she is only a freshman, that changes things. Its not like its her senior prom-in this case I say do your mom thing and make her honor her commitment.

 

[Lammie]

Yeah, I have to agree. If she's a freshman, then I say no to prom and yes to softball. I wasn't even old enough to date when I was a freshman. I could go out with friends, but I had to be home by ten.

 

[Ryder]

well since she is only a freshman, that changes things. Its not like its her senior prom-in this case I say do your mom thing and make her honor her commitment.

Agreed.

 

[fit2btied]

A local coach had a somewhat similar situation arise. His player chose to skip a tournament. The coach let him know that no matter how talented he was, if he couldn't count on him, he wouldn't count on him. He practiced a couple more weeks with the team but did not see any real playing time and finally quit. Coach definitely got his point across.

 

[backhoeboogie]

But then the coach's daughter misses for her prom and you have some splaining to do.

There will be death's in the family. There will be weddings. I once was set to coach at a tournament and somebody ran a red light taking out 3 of my team. They got there late but okay thankfully.

Three knee surgeries later she is playing college ball but finds out there is only two straight girls on the team. She finished the season because of her commitment and never played again. All those years of commitment, all those offers from colleges, and only played one year.

So I say let her go to prom because other team mates will.