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Teenage daughter issue - please help!

mitch2

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Ok, long story short ( I hope)

Daughter wanted to try out for a traveling basketball team one month ago. At this time, we had already bought her a prom dress.

Daughter was asked several times, that if she wanted this, she was going to have to make a commitment... giving up a lot of her summer weekends, etc. Mom had to make a significant financial commitment.

She understood, she tried out and she made the team.

10 weekends will be filled with tourney's starting this weekend, and goes til the last weekend in July, with a couple of weekends off, and a couple of partial weekends for a practice here and there.

Schedule of tourney's was received and she would be missing her prom... she took it well, no issues (also, no date) this is not for a couple more weeks.

Boy asks daughter to his prom in a town an hour away, and whom I have not met, and not had a mention about before today. In addition she would have to miss games in an upcoming tourney.

My response:

You agreed to the commitment, and you would be letting your team down also.
Besides the fact I have no clue about anything with this boy.

She says shes a teenager, basketball shouldn't be her life, she should be able to live, she cries to dad, she says mean things, yada yada yada....

Michele
 

CattleHand

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As a younger guy and recently out of high school and all that that entails my advice would be you said no and that should be your final answer. No negotiating over something like that, especially since you made that financial commitment. Besides she all ready went to one prom, how many does she have to go to :lol2:

I got a sister that went to her second Homecoming and therefore 'needed' a new dress. My dad and I were joking about it and he thought she was crazy, he just said that I had wore the same suit to every dance and event (until it got handed down to my brother), but my sister needed a new dress as if the old one wasnt good enough any more.
 

mitch2

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CattleHand":2sg2ro4q said:
As a younger guy and recently out of high school and all that that entails my advice would be you said no and that should be your final answer. No negotiating over something like that, especially since you made that financial commitment. Besides she all ready went to one prom, how many does she have to go to :lol2:

I got a sister that went to her second Homecoming and therefore 'needed' a new dress. My dad and I were joking about it and he thought she was crazy, he just said that I had wore the same suit to every dance and event (until it got handed down to my brother), but my sister needed a new dress as if the old one wasnt good enough any more.

She didn't go to a prom yet, we bought a dress for it before she tried out for the traveling team.
 

show steer up

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Well since this is her prom and we all know teens can’t think past the weekend, I would make her talk to her coach, apologize to my hubbie and I, and get to know this kid and his family, then make a decision.
Missing her very own prom will be huge; it’s something I wouldn’t want over my head later on. But because she already has a commitment she may not be able to get out of it. The money is always something she can work off around the house, but the prom.........well, you can’t get that back.
JMO
hope all goes well and when you get the urge to swing..............WALK AWAY :D
 

Jogeephus

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I suspect you now know what someone who plays russian roullette with all chambers but one filled. You are in a no win situation as a parent. Prom is important but I think her word is more important. If she goes to the prom and misses the games she will not only be letting her coach down but her other team mates. I see no way for you to win in this so I think I'd put it in her court. I'd point out to her all the people she is going to let down. I'd make her talk to the coach. But I think I would let it be her decision and I would hope that she would make the right one.

Why in heaven's name did they schedule a basketball game on a prom night? This gets me. We had a football game we had to attend on Thanksgiving Day! I think some of these coaches need to loosen their jock straps.
 

show steer up

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I feel the same way :clap:
Jogeephus it’s nice to see your soft side come out. I bet the coaches will be getting an ear full from other parents soon enough. I bet the coaches will have to re schedule the game anyways.
 

donnaIL

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Let her go to prom...and be best mom ever, pictures and everything.
Is this is your rebellious child? let it go. Keep cheering for team. Is the team complaining?
If they scheduled it on prom night maybe some of those bench sitters could use the time playing, or they could just cancel the game.

These are the best years of your life *REALLY* been there done that, they remember "its what they remember" that makes it a good memory.
JMO,
Sincerly, donna
 

Cowboy 2.0

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Traveling teams, which is what she is talking about are usually in no way associated to any particular school. The games take place in the normal offseason.
 

msscamp

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mitch2":hta84msr said:
She understood, she tried out and she made the team.

She made the committment to the team, she needs to honor her committment.

My response:

You agreed to the commitment, and you would be letting your team down also.
Besides the fact I have no clue about anything with this boy.

She says shes a teenager, basketball shouldn't be her life, she should be able to live, she cries to dad, she says mean things, yada yada yada....

Michele

She voluntarily made basketball her life when she accepted her place on the team. It is no longer about her and what she wants - at least until the end of July - it's now about the team she elected to join, and the committment she made to them. The coach and other people sponsoring this team believed her, believed in her, and she needs to accept the responsibility of fulfilling her committment to them.
 

FarmGirl10

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I'd make her go to her game, keeping in mind that it's my senior year. Personally I see no point in either prom or homecoming, I've only ever been to one of my homecomings (also went to another schools) and skipped my jounior prom and plan on skipping my senior prom too. I've been asked to all of them, but haven't gone.

Keep this in mind, my mom often thinks I hate her, but I don't. But don't tell her, she often makes me do/not allow me to do things for my own good. It makes me mad at first but then I realize that it is for my own good and don't hold it against her.
 

larryshoat

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mitch2":1sjhv06p said:
Ok, long story short ( I hope)

Daughter wanted to try out for a traveling basketball team one month ago. At this time, we had already bought her a prom dress.

Daughter was asked several times, that if she wanted this, she was going to have to make a commitment... giving up a lot of her summer weekends, etc. Mom had to make a significant financial commitment.

She understood, she tried out and she made the team.

10 weekends will be filled with tourney's starting this weekend, and goes til the last weekend in July, with a couple of weekends off, and a couple of partial weekends for a practice here and there.

Schedule of tourney's was received and she would be missing her prom... she took it well, no issues (also, no date) this is not for a couple more weeks.

Boy asks daughter to his prom in a town an hour away, and whom I have not met, and not had a mention about before today. In addition she would have to miss games in an upcoming tourney.

My response:

You agreed to the commitment, and you would be letting your team down also.
Besides the fact I have no clue about anything with this boy.

She says shes a teenager, basketball shouldn't be her life, she should be able to live, she cries to dad, she says mean things, yada yada yada....

Michele

I'm almost sure this is affecting her decision . I've always said pick your battles wisely and make sure you can win, but I'm sure you already know that . Since she had the prom dress first, that was her first commitment, and something tells me if she had a date from the start she would not have joined what I assume is a select team . Things change and she is just making a minor adjustment along the way . There are reasons for missing a basketball game, sickness, death, cattle out......I don't know, prom maybe . I wonder if what ever influence you have would be better spent finding out what this young feller is all about, I've never heard of a young girl running off with a basketball team ;-) .

Anyway, good luck Michele . What ever you do I will argue with anybody that you did the right thing .

Larry
 

Red Bull Breeder

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Did i miss read, or did you say the prom she wants to go to is at another school?? With a boy from the other school? Tell she can go to her prom at her school with the boy of her choice.
 

rusty

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IMO she already picked the team and if she goes to the prom she should quit the team.Let the decision be hers and see how well you raised her.Prom or team she is old enough to make this decision.The guilt of letting down team will hopefully make it for her.As for the new guy if she does happen to choise prom check him out good before date.She may hate you for having to chose but she will hate you for something else tommorow its a teen thing .
 

Angus Cowman

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Whatever you do You will feel badly about it
I was always one that if I said no to something that is the way it was and yes it didn't make me the most popular, especially since my ex was the one who could never say no

No matter what your decision you will feel bad about it and she will either be mad at you for a week or 2 if you make her miss prom or you will feel bad because you feel like you let her get away with something

I agree that she made the commitment and she should stick with it

Youngest daughter is in track and I have told her if she starts she will finish ifshe misses a meet she better be real sick

Raising teenage girls is 100 times worse than raising teenage boys ,boys I can handle it is all that emotional I hate you stuff with girls that I have a hard time with

Good Luck Michelle
 

Pickles Dillman

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I have raised 3 teenage daughters so far, with an 11 year old on her way to becoming one. (I still love the 11 yr. old for now!)
Sense nothing you decide will be right in her opinion, and there is some dumb a$$ law about drowning them, You might as well do what YOU think is right.(BASKETBALL!) Chances are, she will throw some kind of fit,wollow in self pitty,and may even come off of her feed for a day or two, but believe me, she will eventually fall to sleep,wake up the next morning, smell bacon cooking and totally forget what all the hell that she just put herself through was all about! As a back up plan just shove a bowl of icecream with chocolate syrup under her face and she will for sure then block out the recient past!
She will honestly be convinced that it was her decision to stay with the basketball commitment (which IS THE RIGHT THING!) when she looks back on it after the season is done anyway. ;-)
 

K2011

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I'm a sophmore in high school :kid: and if it where me I think that I would want to go to the prom....and you can only have so many proms in your life....there will not be another one like this....

Angus Cowman":2vwas3bh said:
Whatever you do You will feel badly about it

I agree with that....that's kinda why I think maybe you should let her make the decision but idk....
 

CKC1586

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Pickles, I hear you on the drowning law! I told my 15 year old son (who I am sure had a demon posses him one night in his sleep at age 15 1/2) that it was a darn good thing that Blue Cross Blue Shield didn't cover retroactive abortions!!! He had to think about that one for a min...
Anyway, Mitch.. This is a tough one but I think maybe you can put it back on her. Okay you want to be treated as an adult then you gotta act like one. Make her responsible for the consequences either way. Will be a good lesson in commitment. Ask her if she were the coach of this team how would she react to someone bailing out of a game for the prom.
 

mnmtranching

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As far as the basketball, there will be others to fill in, usually those teams have 12-15 players and only play 5 at a time. Your daughter will have plenty of opportunities to play BB. These high School proms are only here now. She should go to the prom. Neither of you will have any regrets. Oh yeah we raised 2 daughters, I let them have their way [most of the time] :D They turned out real good. :nod:
 

LoveMoo11

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I'm still a teenager I guess (I'll be 20 in a month), and here's my take: She committed to the basketball team, and you said yourself, you asked her several times if she was sure she wanted to give up other things in order to do it. If she really really wants to go to prom, she should go to the one at her school and bring this boy-then you can meet him and you will know where she is, close by. She should talk to her coach and I am sure he/she will let her miss one or two games for prom, I am sure there are other girls on the team who will want be going too right? Prom is kinda important to a lot of girls, so why not make a compromise you can both live with. If it was just a regular school dance, and I was you, I would say "no, you made a commitment to the team", but since it is prom...
 

HerefordSire

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This is a simple decision from my point of view.

Your daughter was hoping to get asked out to the prom at her school for years. She probably dreamt about the day and could have been looking at guys hoping they would ask her to go. She didn't get asked. Many of her friends did get asked and they are going. Now all of the sudden, new information arrives and she gets asked to a prom. Although we know prior commitments are very important to honor, there is really no comparison in the two. The prom is way far more important for a child than honoring a commitment, especially as unimportant as lower level sporting events are. The child can still be responsible regarding reputation and doing the horonable thing when becoming an adult....but, there will most likely be psychological damage the rest of her life if she doesn't go to this prom with the new guy.
 

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