sorry.........

[cowgirl580]

sorry guys i couldn't resist.

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It's our job to
stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And
hopefully they'll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with.


Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown.
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women:....
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

 

[cowgirl580]

for all you doctor's, no offense

Think this one thru!!

Physicians in the US: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171
(U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.
Accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more
dangerous than gun owners!

FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but nearly everyone has at least
one doctor.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban
doctors before this gets out of hand.

As a public health service, I have withheld the statistics on
lawyers for fear that the shock might cause people to seek medical
attention.....

 

[Medic24]

My opinion is that the problem with both of the above posts is................they're TRUE! I hate that women know us so well, and I know so little about them!

 

[cowgirl580]

i'm glad you weren't offended, but i couldn't resist. i've got more, but they'd prob kick me outta the forum.

 

[ranchwife]

My opinion is that the problem with both of the above posts is................they're TRUE! I hate that women know us so well, and I know so little about them!

medic....that is the biggest joy of being a woman....even if we came with instruction manuals, you men would have a hell of a time figuring us out!!! LOL!!!
thanks, cowgirl!!

kris

 

[D.R. Cattle]

My opinion is that the problem with both of the above posts is................they're TRUE! I hate that women know us so well, and I know so little about them!

Speak for yourself.

 

[cowgirl580]

your welcome ranchwife. there are just so many things to say to pick on men that i couldn't resist.

 

[cowgirl580]

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went , it would be hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors. and
half the time they dont work.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sandrs like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs breast. and thighs.

Whats a mans idea of honesty?
Telling you his real name.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after
mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

And here is one of the best

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his
neck and thennoose

 

[cowgirl580]

MEN ARE LIKE

* Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the sh** out of
you.
* Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less
firm they are.
* Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long
enough.
* Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they
lose interest.
* Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change
either one of them.
* Men are like.....Blenders. You need one, but you're not
quite sure why.
* Men are like.....Cement. After getting laid, they take a
long time to get hard.
* Men are like.....Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth,and they
usually head right for your hips.
* Men are like.....Coffee The best ones are rich, warm, and
can keep you up all night long.
* Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word
they say.
* Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should
always be half off.
* Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to
mature.
* Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to
do and are usually wrong.
* Men are like.....Lawn Mowers If you're not pushing one
around, then you're riding it.
* Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first
sign of emotion.
* Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for
a little while.
* Men are like.....Snowstorms. You never know when he's
coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.

 

[greatgerts]

OK. The men are like popcorn bit reminded me of a card I had gotten once:
"Sex is like Chinese food. You are satisfied, but an hour later, you want more!"

 

[cowgirl580]

either way works.

 

[jerry27150]

cow girl , you know why god invented women

he couldn't teach sheep to do the dishes

 

[joe]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you already tried to tell her twice before.

How do you fix the dishwasher? Kick her.

Not too good, I know, but that is the only woman bashing jokes I know to try to stay even here on the board!

 

[Ryan]

What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you already tried to tell her twice before.

How do you fix the dishwasher? Kick her.

Not too good, I know, but that is the only woman bashing jokes I know to try to stay even here on the board!

Those are great!! I like em.

 

[SF]

My opinion is that the problem with both of the above posts is................they're TRUE! I hate that women know us so well, and I know so little about them!

medic....that is the biggest joy of being a woman....even if we came with instruction manuals, you men would have a hell of a time figuring us out!!! LOL!!!
thanks, cowgirl!!

kris

:lol: Men would not read the manual. :lol:

 

[cowgirl580]

i think maps and manuals are safe from all men.

 

[dun]

I get a kick out of the commercial for (I think) Dodge trucks. Where the guy is towing the boat and is out in the middle of the desert and maintaines he isn;t lost.

dun

 

[ranchwife]

My opinion is that the problem with both of the above posts is................they're TRUE! I hate that women know us so well, and I know so little about them!

medic....that is the biggest joy of being a woman....even if we came with instruction manuals, you men would have a hell of a time figuring us out!!! LOL!!!
thanks, cowgirl!!

kris

:lol: Men would not read the manual. :lol:

what if it came with PICTURES??!!!

 

[cowgirl580]

who knows? but i'm thinkin the words 'map' and 'manual' would scare them off regardless. :idea: now if you could trick them into lookin at the pics without them knowing it was a manual or whathaveyou to begin with..... ah the possibilities. ;-)

 

[dd]

Lingerie with arrows and little messages maybe ?