1996. I had been thinking of my mother for days (we usually talked on the phone several times a week, at the longest it was 2 weeks but that was rare) , had even called repeatedly over the period of a couple days and got no answer. I lived in Shelton, Washington. My mother lived in Cottage Grove, Oregon. A 6-8 hour drive by car. I started to get a bad feeling that something was wrong. I tried calling my two uncles (her younger brothers) and couldn't get through to them either- they lived about 15-20 minutes from my mother's apartment. Then, after a couple days of trying to get a hold of my mother, I received a call from my youngest uncle telling me my mother was dead (she was 48). Now, my mother had some mental issues that were a result of all the abuse she had gone through as a child. I was told it was suicide, but something felt fishy about the entire situation. Now, in order to understand this you have to know that one of the conditions my mother suffered from was Borderline Personality Disorder, and one of her main symptoms would be "suicidaI gestures". This means they would "attempt" to commit suicide, but always put themselve in a situation where they would be "rescued" before the deed was actually accomplished. They never really MEANT to commit suicide, it was a demented form of seeking attention. Not believing everything I was being told by my uncle, and the whole situation felt wrong. I decided to start investigating on my own and I found out from digging into what happened was that:
1. She had been placed on suicide watch. The deal was that her counselor was supposed to call at specific times over the next 24 hours before he saw her again. If he failed to reach her by phone, he was to send emergency personnel directly to her apartment and meet them there to let them in (he had a key).
2. I found out my mother like to "stock-pile" her medications, and she had given them to the counselor (which was supposed to be in a safe, but which he kept in his desk) so she wouldn't use them and told him that no matter what, not to give them back to her.
3. I found out that at that last appointment with the counselor, when they put her on "suicide watch" per the supervisor's instructions (as told above) and the day she overdose, she had asked the counselor for the stock pile of pills because she wanted them with her and wanted to use them...and the AH gave them to her.
4. While my mother was on "suicide watch", her counselor was at a party. He attempted to make ONE (1) phone call, didn't reach her on the phone, and decided to go back to partying instead of heading to my mothers with emergency personnel.
5. The day after the party he decided, after making ONE (1) other attempt THAT day to call her, to head to her apartment with emergency personnel and that is when they found her dead.
6. I talked to the coroner directly and was told that she overdosed on prescription medication, and he told me what medication and what amounts: which supported the report of her counselor giving her back her "stock pile" of medications.
7. I also found out from the coroner what the time of death was. I contacted the counselor's office, spoke with the superviser, and found out that my mother died 1 hour AFTER the scheduled phone call. I was also told by the coroner that if emergency personnel had shown up at the approximate scheduled time and she had received emergency OD treatment, she would have SURVIVED.
I filed a wrongful death law suit against the counselor and the counseling office and won. The jury was out for less than 20 minutes.
2000. Again, had been thinking about my grandmother for days. She had been ill for sometime. She lived in Federal Way, Washington while I still lived in Shelton, Washington. Unfortunately, we did not have the funds for me to drive up to see her at that particular time. We had repeatedly scheduled dates for us to get together so we could visit (besides my mother, she was also one of my best friends- we used to travel all over the place together). Only to have her repeatedly cancel them. My father, who lived only 20 minutes away, was a total AH who always took advantage of his mother (my grandmother), stole from her, etc. I had once asked my grandmother why she let him get away with everything he did, and she told me, "because when the time comes that I can't take care of myself, I will need him to help take care of me and I don't want to make him mad so that he won't be there for me when I need him." I kept telling her that I would always be there for her, and when the time came that she couldn't take care of herself anymore, that I would. Anways, my father was supposed to go physically check on her several times per week, as well as make daily phone calls. I get a call from my younger sister (who lives in Astoria, Oregon) telling me our grandmother was dead. My dad didn't even have the guts to call me himself to tell me. Something felt wrong to me, so again I did a bit of investigating on my own (like I did with my mother's death) and found out that she had fallen when trying to get into or out of her bed, couldn't get up, and laid there for several days before she died. She was dead in her apartment for TWO (2) WEEKS before my father finally went and checked on her.
So, due to my own experiences and family history, if I had the keys to get into the home I would call the local police to do a welfare check on that person and that I would meet them there and let them into the home.
1. So if that family member was passed, I wouldn't have to find the body.
2. So if that family member was hurt or seriously ill, the police could get the proper emegency medical response unit there (they move faster when police are calling them in), and so I could be there as support for that family member.
3. So if there are suspicious circumstances regarding the death of the loved one, if that is the case, the scene would remain in tact for thorough investigation and I wouldn't be a suspect since I waited for the police before entering the home.
And yes, even to this day I think, "What if I had done....", "What if I had gone....", "What if...", "What if...". But "what if's" don't help, they just make us more miserable, feeling that maybe if we had done something differently that person would still be alive today. The hardest thing is admitting its not your fault, it was out of your hands, and .....its in the past and nothing now can change what happened back then.
