A
Anonymous
Well, this is the "Everything Else" board and it has been a little slow lately...
Craig-TX
__________
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when city people travel through "the country," several states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of informational guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a black bass breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for... bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. If you really are a vegetarian you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. If you don't like it, keep going after it turns green.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks -- because they want to. Plus, they look good doing it. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? The even numbered Interstates go East & West – odd numbered Interstates North & South. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot... his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is. Now, enjoy your visit.
Craig-TX
__________
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when city people travel through "the country," several states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of informational guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "dirt road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a black bass breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for... bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. If you really are a vegetarian you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow. If you don't like it, keep going after it turns green.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks -- because they want to. Plus, they look good doing it. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? The even numbered Interstates go East & West – odd numbered Interstates North & South. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot... his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is. Now, enjoy your visit.
