Angus Cattle Shower
Well-known member
A 17th Century captain was sailing along with his crew when a pirate
ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red
shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the
pirates.
Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow.
"Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the
pirates and are victorious.
Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why
do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"
The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I
don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit."
"I see," says the cabin boy who is impressed by his captain's courage
in the face of battle.
A few days later, they sight 20 pirate ships in the distance. The
captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."
Joke 2
On Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best friends. None of them knew about it.
On Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over and two
claimed that he was still there.
Joke 3
Two guys from Saskatchewan die and wake up in hell. The next day the
devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens
and toques warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of
snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little
bit, eh?"
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up
the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still
dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's
awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"
Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from
Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance
to warm up a little bit, eh?"
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two
guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing
and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from
Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling bacon and
drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm
weather up there in Regina so we've just got to have a cook-out when the
weather's this nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally,
he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have
been cold all their lives. So the devil decides to turn all the heat off
in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do
anything but wail, moan, and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and
heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds them
back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and
down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat
you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is up
with you two???"
The guys from Saskatchewan look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't
you know, eh?. If hell freezes over, it must mean the Roughriders have won
the Grey Cup."
ship came over the horizon. The captain says, "Cabin boy, get me my red
shirt." So, he gets his red shirt and they victoriously battle the
pirates.
Several days later, they spot another pirate ship off the port bow.
"Cabin boy," says the captain "get me my red shirt." They again battle the
pirates and are victorious.
Later when things had settled down, the cabin boy asks, "Captain, why
do you always want your red shirt just prior to battle?"
The captain responds, "Well, in case I am inflicted with a wound, I
don't want the crew to see my injury and lose spirit."
"I see," says the cabin boy who is impressed by his captain's courage
in the face of battle.
A few days later, they sight 20 pirate ships in the distance. The
captain yells out, "Cabin boy, get me my brown pants."
Joke 2
On Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best friends. None of them knew about it.
On Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he
had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over and two
claimed that he was still there.
Joke 3
Two guys from Saskatchewan die and wake up in hell. The next day the
devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens
and toques warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of
snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little
bit, eh?"
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up
the heat. The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still
dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's
awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"
Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from
Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance
to warm up a little bit, eh?"
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two
guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing
and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from
Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling bacon and
drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and
you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm
weather up there in Regina so we've just got to have a cook-out when the
weather's this nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally,
he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have
been cold all their lives. So the devil decides to turn all the heat off
in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging
everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do
anything but wail, moan, and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and
heads for the room with the two Canadians. He gets there and finds them
back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and
down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat
you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is up
with you two???"
The guys from Saskatchewan look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't
you know, eh?. If hell freezes over, it must mean the Roughriders have won
the Grey Cup."
