Single parents

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Bigfoot

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I never gave much thought to the hardships, that a single parent might face. My wife has been staying with her mother in the hospital, for about 2 weeks now. Been busy around here. I actually question how many more days I could have held out, without deciding what had to go. Activities the kids have had: church, school, dance, gymnastics, archery, beta convention, academic team, photography class, STLP (don't even know what that is), open house at school, FPS (don't know what that is either), rodeo practice, and I've left some out.

Not sure how many miles I logged, but it was a bunch. I probably worked 50-55 hours per week at my job, and took care of 150 head of livestock. The kids did great, and pulled even more load than they normally do. My mom came over a time or two during the day, and kept the laundry caught up. My dad did a little transporting the kids, if they had conflicting schedules.

BOTTOM LINE: Somebody raising children by themselves has a big job. One of the biggest jobs, that there ever was. My hats off to anybody out there making it work. Another week or two, and we'd have had to decide what was important.
 

greybeard

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My youngest was nearly 9, & the oldest of the 4 was 13 when I started my decade of single parenting. Yep, you can forget about a social life that doesn't include kids.
 

Caustic Burno

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greybeard":3nxevqi8 said:
My youngest was nearly 9, & the oldest of the 4 was 13 when I started my decade of single parenting. Yep, you can forget about a social life that doesn't include kids.

Mrs was the oldest of 4 she was 5 when her dad died in an automobile accident. That was sure enough rough a single mom back then making ends meet. They were as poor as church mice.
 

pricefarm

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Having kids is a full time job for sure. I often wonder what me and my wife did for the 8 years we where marry before having a baby.
 

True Grit Farms

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pricefarm":2481t6h4 said:
Having kids is a full time job for sure. I often wonder what me and my wife did for the 8 years we where marry before having a baby.
Had a life. My wife and I waited 8 years for the first and 6 years for the second. Just now getting a life back to travel and do things together again.
 
A

Anonymous

"decide what was important" You said a mouth full there. When I was still fishing, my wife was raising our 3 kids basically by herself. I spent 250 to 280 days per year offshore and worked on the boat almost everyday the week I'ld be home. Done that for well over 20 years. She had to decide what functions the kids were involved in. It wasn't many. No sports...unless it could be played in the yard, no gymnastics, dance, etc. Church, a few friends, and cousins to play with was about it. Most of their friends were cousins so that simplified life even more. Also chores for the kids were important . My wife home schools also but you'ld be surprised how much schooling can be done in a short period of time without bus rides, homeroom, going to the cafeteria, study hall etc. For the people that think home schoolers are "deprived", my oldest daughter is 18, and can/does work a crew of 8 to 10 men at times alone at our business and get the job done in a timely manner. She (my daughter) was just also accepted at Spring Hill College with an 80% academic scholarship. She is going for a nursing degree. Hats off to my wife. I believe parents complicate life too much. But that is just my opinion. Simple was better for us.
 

pricefarm

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True Grit Farms":2pa30j72 said:
pricefarm":2pa30j72 said:
Having kids is a full time job for sure. I often wonder what me and my wife did for the 8 years we where marry before having a baby.
Had a life. My wife and I waited 8 years for the first and 6 years for the second. Just now getting a life back to travel and do things together again.

So at what age do the kids have to be to start getting your life back?
 

True Grit Farms

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pricefarm":9ocsbamm said:
True Grit Farms":9ocsbamm said:
pricefarm":9ocsbamm said:
Having kids is a full time job for sure. I often wonder what me and my wife did for the 8 years we where marry before having a baby.
Had a life. My wife and I waited 8 years for the first and 6 years for the second. Just now getting a life back to travel and do things together again.

So at what age do the kids have to be to start getting your life back?
For us it was 18 when my daughter went off to school, cell phones are life savers. My son took over as captain on one boat at 16, and now at 25 he runs the fishing business, and farms on the side. We're truly blessed with the way things are turning out so far, and give thanks daily.
 

Craig Miller

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My wife is single up to 30 weeks a year. She keeps a calendar and every day has something planned. We.....she homeschools as well
 

ALACOWMAN

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pricefarm":an94e1y4 said:
True Grit Farms":an94e1y4 said:
pricefarm":an94e1y4 said:
Having kids is a full time job for sure. I often wonder what me and my wife did for the 8 years we where marry before having a baby.
Had a life. My wife and I waited 8 years for the first and 6 years for the second. Just now getting a life back to travel and do things together again.

So at what age do the kids have to be to start getting your life back?
Whatever their age is when you die.... :cowboy:
 

Ryder

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zirlottkim":2ydzh2km said:
My wife home schools also but you'ld be surprised how much schooling can be done in a short period of time without bus rides, homeroom, going to the cafeteria, study hall etc. For the people that think home schoolers are "deprived", my oldest daughter is 18, and can/does work a crew of 8 to 10 men at times alone at our business and get the job done in a timely manner. She (my daughter) was just also accepted at Spring Hill College with an 80% academic scholarship. She is going for a nursing degree. Hats off to my wife. I believe parents complicate life too much. But that is just my opinion. Simple was better for us.

Thanks for your comments on home schooling.
Sort of gives me a little different perspective.
 

dieselbeef

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you never get yer life back...well my wife passed away so maybe that's diff..but being a single dad is pretty dang hard..ranching/working 50hrs a week/driving 30hrs plus/school/laundry/housestuff/..um yea..notice I left out me..or a chance to meet someone or do anything
 

bball

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dieselbeef":4zo9u0nl said:
you never get yer life back...well my wife passed away so maybe that's diff..but being a single dad is pretty dang hard..ranching/working 50hrs a week/driving 30hrs plus/school/laundry/housestuff/..um yea..notice I left out me..or a chance to meet someone or do anything

You never get your life back the way that it was. You have a different life now(that you didnt ask for). And for me, the first 3 years after she passed really sucked hard. There was no time for me; learning how to be a single father to 7 children, changing careers, relocating, redefining my identity without her...it can be overwhelming. All a man can do is keep pressing forward, day by day. Before you know it, you find yourself immersed in this new, different life; that with enough time, can be as joyful as your previous life. It does take time, quite a bit actually. The hurt dulls and the healing is slow, especially in the first few years. Today, when I reflect on those 15 years together, I am humbled, honored and thankful that I was able to share those years with such an amazingly strong woman. She endured my flaws, mothered 7 of my children, challenged me to be the best man I could be, and at the end, taught me about suffering, death and loss. How to embrace it- with grace, dignity, fortitude and virtue. Early on in the grieving, I never dreamed it possible, that I would obtain such clarity. Grief is a long, painful, intense journey. It doesnt just stop when the casseroles and cards stop coming. It changes us at our very core because the level of grief one feels is directly proportional to the amount of love you felt. The greater the love, the greater the grief...and the greater the change within us. I will conclude with one of the best explanations of grief I have ever read: "When it comes to grief, the normal rules of exchange do not apply, because grief transcends value. A man would give entire nations to lift grief off his heart. And yet, you cannot buy anything with grief. Because grief is worthless." ~C. McCarthy

I wish you strength, peace and comfort.
 

dieselbeef

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thanks for that...very good...you feel my pain sir. I am sorry for your loss.

I do find looking back that I am grateful for the time we shared...no better time in my life. I only have my son. you are a strong person to take care of 7 children. that sir..is a tough job I cant even imagine

that quote about grief is spot on..but the grief going away wont change the loss..just lessen the pain
 

TexasBred

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Bigfoot":2aeud02x said:
I never gave much thought to the hardships, that a single parent might face. My wife has been staying with her mother in the hospital, for about 2 weeks now. Been busy around here. I actually question how many more days I could have held out, without deciding what had to go. Activities the kids have had: church, school, dance, gymnastics, archery, beta convention, academic team, photography class, STLP (don't even know what that is), open house at school, FPS (don't know what that is either), rodeo practice, and I've left some out.

Not sure how many miles I logged, but it was a bunch. I probably worked 50-55 hours per week at my job, and took care of 150 head of livestock. The kids did great, and pulled even more load than they normally do. My mom came over a time or two during the day, and kept the laundry caught up. My dad did a little transporting the kids, if they had conflicting schedules.

BOTTOM LINE: Somebody raising children by themselves has a big job. One of the biggest jobs, that there ever was. My hats off to anybody out there making it work. Another week or two, and we'd have had to decide what was important.

Being involved in that many outside activities makes me wonder if sometimes even the kids wonder if they're coming or going. My dad would have said he// no to about 90% of those...
 

ALACOWMAN

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Wish my dad was around to tell me that,back then.""wasn't all his fault"""Means a lot to kids to look up in the crowd, and see their parents watching them,and cheering them on...
 

TCRanch

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It takes a village to raise a child. We lost a friend Tues night in a tragic accident, leaving behind a wife and 3 beautiful daughters, the youngest only 7 months old. I have no idea how she will have the strength to manage, survive & raise those babies but the entire community is rallying with fundraisers, donations, offers to help any way we can and she does have some family that live here. I can't begin to imagine . . .
 

dieselbeef

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for 6 mos..then it becomes normal and if yer family aint in it for ya...it just gets harder...hows she gonna work? kids to school...with a 7 mo old....poor thing
 

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