warpaint
Well-known member
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Poohead's.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said,"Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
11. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
13. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
14. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.
16. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my
plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
17. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
18. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
19. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.
20. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
21. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
22. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said,"Thyroid problem?"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by
standing up really fast.
6. A sign In a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
7. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no
trade-in value.
11. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
13. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
14. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.
16. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my
plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains."
17. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
18. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
19. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
relative.
20. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
21. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
22. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
