Question for the combat vets

[HOSS]

Ok…..I have a question to ask from all of the combat veterans on CT. Have you had any issues coping with the mental scars of combat? As most of ya'll know I am an Airborne combat veteran of Panama, Desert Storm and also Operation Iraqi Freedom. In the past I have never had any reason to think that I might have any issues coping. I never really had the common gripped fear episodes, flashbacks, major regrets, nightmares etc. Of course I have had memories bad and good. Things that remind me of things such as sights, sounds and smells as well. I don't really enjoy talking about it per say though I don't shy away from it unless it is in the company of my wife who does not want to relive those days at all.
I don't know if it is that I am softening as I get middle aged or what but I find myself brooding over certain incidents or events that I initiated or was part of. I guess you might say that I regret certain things or I second guess actions that I took years ago even though at the time I was very comfortable with those actions and actually elated that I lived through it. I find myself wondering how those other 20 year old enemy combatants would have turned out if they had survived. Would he be like me with a wife, kids, maybe a farm as well? I am not necessarily depressed or anxious about those events it just seems to be lately I ruminate on it more. I don't want it to turn into anything unhealthy. I have often wondered if I never really accepted those things as settled and ignored them. I am definitely not unstable, suicidal, angry, abusive or any of the things that seem to make the headlines. Maybe I am just being too introspective or maybe that is normal. I am curious mostly as to if the Nam vets on this site experienced the same thing and if this goes away. My father was a special forces operator in Nam (SOG) and he does not talk about it at all unless we are alone and he brings the subject up. He would circumvent the question if asked anyway.

 

[dun]

I don;t know about emotional scars, but when they had the traveling VietNam Wall here I got the shakes so bad trying to walk up to it that I never got to it.

 

[TN Cattle Man]

Hoss, I am going to assume by reading your post that we are pretty close in age... yes, I am a combat Veteran as well and like yourself, don't feel the need to flaunt that fact. I too seem to "Think" about things more today than when I was younger and actually living through it.

I am very fortunate that I have remained very close friends with some of my fellow soldiers (Brothers) and find that talking to someone who understands what we did makes it a lot easier than talking to someone who has no idea what we went through.

A lot of talk lately as you know centers around PTSD... I'm sure that it is a real disorder, just not yet convinced that anyone really understands it completely. A lot of it depends on how one copes with anything in life.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever just want to talk about things.

NSDQ!

Brian

 

[greybeard]

Ok…..I have a question to ask from all of the combat veterans on CT. Have you had any issues coping with the mental scars of combat? As most of ya'll know I am an Airborne combat veteran of Panama, Desert Storm and also Operation Iraqi Freedom. In the past I have never had any reason to think that I might have any issues coping. I never really had the common gripped fear episodes, flashbacks, major regrets, nightmares etc. Of course I have had memories bad and good. Things that remind me of things such as sights, sounds and smells as well. I don't really enjoy talking about it per say though I don't shy away from it unless it is in the company of my wife who does not want to relive those days at all.
I don't know if it is that I am softening as I get middle aged or what but I find myself brooding over certain incidents or events that I initiated or was part of. I guess you might say that I regret certain things or I second guess actions that I took years ago even though at the time I was very comfortable with those actions and actually elated that I lived through it. I find myself wondering how those other 20 year old enemy combatants would have turned out if they had survived. Would he be like me with a wife, kids, maybe a farm as well? I am not necessarily depressed or anxious about those events it just seems to be lately I ruminate on it more. I don't want it to turn into anything unhealthy. I have often wondered if I never really accepted those things as settled and ignored them. I am definitely not unstable, suicidal, angry, abusive or any of the things that seem to make the headlines. Maybe I am just being too introspective or maybe that is normal. I am curious mostly as to if the Nam vets on this site experienced the same thing and if this goes away. My father was a special forces operator in Nam (SOG) and he does not talk about it at all unless we are alone and he brings the subject up. He would circumvent the question if asked anyway.

Nothing bothered me at all afterwards for a long time, rarely even thought about my tour in SE Asia for a couple of decades, then I went thru a "phase" of some kind about 20 years ago and lots of memories I thought were gone came running back to roost. Some nightmares, some unpleasantries, some regrets and anger, then, all of a sudden, for the first time, I wanted to talk about it. Perhaps because by then, my kids were grown and I had met my current wife and for the first time felt comfortable around someone and she would listen and was truly interested.
Now, it's pretty much gone away again, but then too, at my present age--- lots of my other memory has gone away too.

Now--Just what was it we were talking about?

 

[Hook]

What you combat veterans go through, have gone through and will go through, you'll have my lifelong gratitude for.

 

[skyhightree1]

I am no combat vet but I can understand the memories and nightmares from a Leo view. I have one memory that makes me sick to my stomach and makes me teary eyed.

Edit certain smells can also be a face slap

 

[Workinonit Farm]

What you combat veterans go through, have gone through and will go through, you'll have my lifelong gratitude for.

:nod: :nod:

Same here. :tiphat:

 

[cow pollinater]

I've started to reply a couple of times but don't feel good about it... I'm not a vet so I can't really speak into your life much. It pains me to hear about the non-physical lasting effects of war.
That being said, my wife has PTSD from her exceptionally abusive childhood. When we dated I never saw any sign that there was anything other than a wonderful person with a healthy past. It took a few years of us being married for the demons to start coming out of the closet.
In short, what I have learned in helping my wife along the path to being genuinely at peace with a past that can't be changed is that the brain will shut out all emotion that isn't conducive to survival in high stress situations. Since emotions are part of the experience it HAS to deal with them but it files them away and brings them out in bits and pieces when we are not in fight or flight mode so that we can make peace with the emotional parts a little at a time so that it's not so overwhelming. For my wife, being married to me gave her enough stability that her brain was able to start coping with past memories that she had filed away without even realizing it... Really tough on me, but healthy for her. :nod:
I'm hoping that such is the case here. Maybe your brain knows that you're on steady enough ground that it can deal with some stuff it's been hiding from you. That's a good healthy thing. :nod:

 

[Workinonit Farm]

CP, good post.

 

[3waycross]

Hoss I am not a veteran but I know a little about regrets and getting stuff stuck rolling around in your mind. I don't know if this helps but every time I start thinking like that I just tell myself that I can't change it and even if I could, and even if I did I would not be right here right now. That's usually enough to let me walk away.

I think we all make the mistake of thinking that if we could just go back and change that one thing that things would be different and yes they most likely would, but the question is would they be better.

Don't know if that helps but I hope it does and I want you and all the veterans on here to know how much I respect you and appreciate your service. :tiphat:

 

[john250]

I hope there's someone to talk to becide us cowpeople. VA got anything? I'm not a vet, so I don't really think I relate But hey, if cows are therapy, maybe that's all you need.

 

[Red Bull Breeder]

Hoss I thank you for all you have done for our country. I hope you find someone to help you with this. I don't think I would trust the VA right now. You and many like you done what you had to do.

 

[boondocks]

To Hoss, and our other veterans, you have my thanks, and my constant thoughts. What a soldier, often just a youngster, is asked to do...and often made to do...

The past few years, as a new generation of vets has returned home, I have set myself the task of trying to struggle with these questions, as I think we as citizens do not have the right to gloss over what is done in our names, but must honestly face up to the ambiguities, and often, horrors, of war---to listen to their stories when they are ready to talk, to move heaven and EARTH to get them the help they need, and to support their families, who are often traumatized as well...

There is a lot of writing being done by vets, and I hope it in some way helps them to come to terms with things.

One of the best things I have read is this moving story---http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/09/09/the-return-9

my best to all...

 

[ousoonerfan22]

My SIL did two tours in Iraq and took some shrapnel from a roadside bomb....he's goes into a shell for a week or two when that date rolls around each year. He doesn't like fireworks and try's to find a quiet place on July 4th. My stepdaughter said he has some nightmares and you have to be carefull waking him up. He's a clean cut hard working young man and I find it disturbing when he applies for some decent jobs and doesn't seem to get at least a good look.

 

[HOSS]

Thanks for all of the support. I guess I was just going through one of those reflective spells. I called one of my old Army buddies last night who lives out in KC. I haven't talked to him in several years. We chatted for a couple of hours. It was fun to talk about some of the times we had together. He is experiencing the same thing that I am and talking about those events helped us both. I feel much better today. He is coming over this way next month so we are trying to get together with another buddy from NC and have a small reunion of sorts. It is interesting that all three of us were wounded in combat at the same time or within a few minutes apart. Fortunately nothing life threatening for either of us but Guy was shot in the butt cheek so he will take the brunt of the jokes I am sure :lol2:

 

[Workinonit Farm]

HOSS (I got it right this time ;-) ) I think its great that you'll be getting together with these guys. I think they'll benefit from it as well.

I know my cousin Michael likes it when he's able to meet up with some of his old buddies. There's a shared history of sorts.

 

[slick4591]

I want to throw my thanks out to you guys/gals that served in our military. This may sound a little crazy, but I've always felt as if I should have served when Nam was happening. I was a few years to young at the time but I saw some of the older neighborhood guys go in and a couple didn't make it back. I love talking to vets about their experiences and even had the pleasure of working with some of those guys. They always tell me I didn't miss a dam thing by not being there.

 

[dun]

A very good friend of mine, no deceased, and I had similar experiences furing vietnam. We never discussed it verbally, but would sit sometimes for hours in each others company and never say a word. We were both past the diving undersomething and yelling "incoming" stage and the fighting when woke up. Just sitting together without talking was our way of dealing with the healing from our experiences/dituations. I sure miss him! I've never talked about it to anyone and never will. Maybe part of it was the being spit on when I came back that had someting to do with it.

 

[Workinonit Farm]

Maybe part of it was the being spit on when I came back that had someting to do with it.

Maybe so. A customer we have, right now, went through that as well when he came back.

Shameful behavior, in my opinion.

 

[dun]

Maybe part of it was the being spit on when I came back that had someting to do with it.

Maybe so. A customer we have, right now, went through that as well when he came back.

Shameful behavior, in my opinion.

That could be a good share of the reason I go out of my way to thank and shake the hands of military folks I run into.