Beef08
Well-known member
i
Prayers and Opinions needed
- Thread starter Beef08
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Help Support CattleToday:
hang in there- you are in a tough stage of life and its even more complicated for you.
This WILL pass. Don't just pray to God for change and wait -- turn it over to him and get on with your life .
If you get overwhelmed go talk to someone.
Going to college IS a good idea- it will just make you more prepared for anything else you want to do in life. Take business/accounting courses if you can. that will help with both your ideas of real estate and farming.
Also it might help to go to college and live on campus- give you a little distance/freedom without having to go it all on your own.
This WILL pass. Don't just pray to God for change and wait -- turn it over to him and get on with your life .
If you get overwhelmed go talk to someone.
Going to college IS a good idea- it will just make you more prepared for anything else you want to do in life. Take business/accounting courses if you can. that will help with both your ideas of real estate and farming.
Also it might help to go to college and live on campus- give you a little distance/freedom without having to go it all on your own.
Angus Cowman
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I agree with what was posted prev .
I always told my kids to get a education that is the one thing I regret not doing went to school for awhile and just didn't finish out of my own stupidity and hard headedness
I beleive college is a place to find out about your self as a person and don't let it overwhelm you like I & others on this board have told young people before just because you get a degree in one thing doesn't mean you have to do that for the rest of your life
As for the div and infidelity and the remarraige your mother didn't cheat on you she cheated on your father,No it wasn't the way to go about things but it is done and you need to get over it if needed talk to her about it also I would bet there were problems you didn't and still don't know about between your mom and dad other than this and before it happened
I know because I was in your dad shoes and I know I was partially to blame for it happeneing to me
No matter what she did she is still your mom and I bet she feels terrible for the way things happened and turned out
If things get to unbearable talk to a counselor or therapist they can help
Hope everything works out and good luck in whatever you decide to do in your life
I always told my kids to get a education that is the one thing I regret not doing went to school for awhile and just didn't finish out of my own stupidity and hard headedness
I beleive college is a place to find out about your self as a person and don't let it overwhelm you like I & others on this board have told young people before just because you get a degree in one thing doesn't mean you have to do that for the rest of your life
As for the div and infidelity and the remarraige your mother didn't cheat on you she cheated on your father,No it wasn't the way to go about things but it is done and you need to get over it if needed talk to her about it also I would bet there were problems you didn't and still don't know about between your mom and dad other than this and before it happened
I know because I was in your dad shoes and I know I was partially to blame for it happeneing to me
No matter what she did she is still your mom and I bet she feels terrible for the way things happened and turned out
If things get to unbearable talk to a counselor or therapist they can help
Hope everything works out and good luck in whatever you decide to do in your life
rockridgecattle
Well-known member
I will pray for you.
I agree with the above advice. I also agree stay in school. Use it as your focus away from your family. Take this time for you. You are at a stage in your life where you need to find out who you are.
Give it all to God. He will work out His perfect will in His time. Let him work on you and your hurt and pain. I heard a message today on forgiveness even if the offender does not applogize. Ask God to help you forgive your parents for the pain you feel.
If you need to talk a counsellor do it.
God bless you
RR
I agree with the above advice. I also agree stay in school. Use it as your focus away from your family. Take this time for you. You are at a stage in your life where you need to find out who you are.
Give it all to God. He will work out His perfect will in His time. Let him work on you and your hurt and pain. I heard a message today on forgiveness even if the offender does not applogize. Ask God to help you forgive your parents for the pain you feel.
If you need to talk a counsellor do it.
God bless you
RR
Bez+
Well-known member
Good advice above
1. Stay in school - now more than ever you need to shape your life - it will open doors for you that you might close if you do not have that education - doors you have yet to even imagine might be there for you. You want to farm? Excellent - not yet. You will do this after you have an education - NOT before. Besides - it also makes you more attractive to those who control the hiring of the other options you mentioned. Far, far more attractive - so please - stay in school and get your degree - even if it is in basket weaving! (Although I would prefer it to be in a medical, science or math based program!!)
2. Keep the lines of communications open between you and BOTH your parents - make an effort to contact your entire family - if only by telephone - as often as you can.
3. YOU did NOTHING wrong - so remember this when you get down in the dumps
4. Do not worry about what you want to do today - go to school - that means leaving home anyways - so do it - and do it with your head held high. Do it with the spirit of adventure - new places, experiences, people and things - all waiting for YOU.
5. DO NOT - please DO NOT - use this as an excuse to to relax your own morality - as many have and will continue to do.
6. Every day - look in the mirror and realize that the person looking back is special, and that person will have to over come obstracles - this is only one of many you will experience in your life - LEARN from it - you will become all the wiser. Wisdom is to be valued - learn at every opportunity.
7. Keep yourself safe - I do not know all of your circumstances - we may not have the entire story - remember - keep yourself safe
8. The world is not all within 30 miles of your home. You cannot predict what happiness you might find in a place more than 1000 miles from your home. So NEVER limit your options. Never!! If you think you are surrounded by friends - remember - most of them are only temporary as they will also move away with new jobs, new schools or new families as they marry. Your true, life long, best buddy might just be around the corner! Or s/he might be living in northern Germany, New Zealand or Alaska - you cannot and will not know until it happens.
I will think good thoughts for you as you walk forward in life - the weight of this will grow easier with time - so take some time for your own enjoyment.
My best
Bez+
1. Stay in school - now more than ever you need to shape your life - it will open doors for you that you might close if you do not have that education - doors you have yet to even imagine might be there for you. You want to farm? Excellent - not yet. You will do this after you have an education - NOT before. Besides - it also makes you more attractive to those who control the hiring of the other options you mentioned. Far, far more attractive - so please - stay in school and get your degree - even if it is in basket weaving! (Although I would prefer it to be in a medical, science or math based program!!)
2. Keep the lines of communications open between you and BOTH your parents - make an effort to contact your entire family - if only by telephone - as often as you can.
3. YOU did NOTHING wrong - so remember this when you get down in the dumps
4. Do not worry about what you want to do today - go to school - that means leaving home anyways - so do it - and do it with your head held high. Do it with the spirit of adventure - new places, experiences, people and things - all waiting for YOU.
5. DO NOT - please DO NOT - use this as an excuse to to relax your own morality - as many have and will continue to do.
6. Every day - look in the mirror and realize that the person looking back is special, and that person will have to over come obstracles - this is only one of many you will experience in your life - LEARN from it - you will become all the wiser. Wisdom is to be valued - learn at every opportunity.
7. Keep yourself safe - I do not know all of your circumstances - we may not have the entire story - remember - keep yourself safe
8. The world is not all within 30 miles of your home. You cannot predict what happiness you might find in a place more than 1000 miles from your home. So NEVER limit your options. Never!! If you think you are surrounded by friends - remember - most of them are only temporary as they will also move away with new jobs, new schools or new families as they marry. Your true, life long, best buddy might just be around the corner! Or s/he might be living in northern Germany, New Zealand or Alaska - you cannot and will not know until it happens.
I will think good thoughts for you as you walk forward in life - the weight of this will grow easier with time - so take some time for your own enjoyment.
My best
Bez+
Stay in school.
I know that when I married Steve, I had never met his kids and then we were all thrown together for holidays and summers and such. I know it was strange for all of us. Not fair to anyone. It took a while, but I am getting used to them and them to me. Blended families are strange.
The other thing I would say is to forgive your mom. You won't feel good until you do. It was not your fault, but she's your mother and you need her. Rebuild your relationship with her and give your dad a chance with the new wife. He's trying to rebuild his life, as well.
I know that when I married Steve, I had never met his kids and then we were all thrown together for holidays and summers and such. I know it was strange for all of us. Not fair to anyone. It took a while, but I am getting used to them and them to me. Blended families are strange.
The other thing I would say is to forgive your mom. You won't feel good until you do. It was not your fault, but she's your mother and you need her. Rebuild your relationship with her and give your dad a chance with the new wife. He's trying to rebuild his life, as well.
grannysoo
Well-known member
Excellent advice above, pay heed to all of it.
And some additional thoughts.... around 40, men and women can all do some stupid things. Call it mid-life crisis, itchy feet, whatever, it's the same thing. Some people get tired, bored, look for change, etc. and they loose all sense of responsibility and loyalty.
Don't take their situation on your shoulders. It's nothing that you do or have done, it's just the way it is sometimes. They will both probably get a better head on their shoulders in a few years and get settled down again, so in the meantime, don't burn any bridges with any of them.
You're being punished for their stupidity. It's not fair, but it's real. Stay in school, do good in life, and keep your head high. You're not the only one that has ever been in this situation.
Best of luck and our prayers to you.
And some additional thoughts.... around 40, men and women can all do some stupid things. Call it mid-life crisis, itchy feet, whatever, it's the same thing. Some people get tired, bored, look for change, etc. and they loose all sense of responsibility and loyalty.
Don't take their situation on your shoulders. It's nothing that you do or have done, it's just the way it is sometimes. They will both probably get a better head on their shoulders in a few years and get settled down again, so in the meantime, don't burn any bridges with any of them.
You're being punished for their stupidity. It's not fair, but it's real. Stay in school, do good in life, and keep your head high. You're not the only one that has ever been in this situation.
Best of luck and our prayers to you.
You know, you might be able to go to school and work at the fire department.
You should be coming up on the end of the semester. And being a freshman, you should be able to work your schedule to take classes on certain days, or even online. And, at least here, firemen live at the firehouse on their scheduled days to work, and on their days off, they work other jobs. Can't hurt to find out if the fire chief could set up a schedule for you that would work for you.
But like the others said, continuing your education is very important and should not be discontinued. And, open up lines of communication with your mom...
Take care of yourself FIRST.
Alice
You should be coming up on the end of the semester. And being a freshman, you should be able to work your schedule to take classes on certain days, or even online. And, at least here, firemen live at the firehouse on their scheduled days to work, and on their days off, they work other jobs. Can't hurt to find out if the fire chief could set up a schedule for you that would work for you.
But like the others said, continuing your education is very important and should not be discontinued. And, open up lines of communication with your mom...
Take care of yourself FIRST.
Alice
1982vett
Well-known member
I see you are 18. It is up to you to make your way thru life. Being miserable in school because your parents have problems is a cop out. It is excess baggage but you are 18. Deal with it. Take hold of your situation, what you become, and how you become it, get on with your life. And for Gods sake, you know how your parents failed your expectations. Live your life so you don not make the same mistakes or worse. Do what it takes to make yourself happy (legally) and don't count on someone else to do it for you. It is up to you.
Dropping out of school is a decision you will have to make for yourself. Before you do, look around. To take control of your life you will need to provide for yourself. The economy in parts of the country is in the can. Not exactly a good time to try to find a job with a diploma much less without one.
Your have asked, and prayers are with you. Best wishes, and remember, the wind will most likely be in your face more than at your back.
Dropping out of school is a decision you will have to make for yourself. Before you do, look around. To take control of your life you will need to provide for yourself. The economy in parts of the country is in the can. Not exactly a good time to try to find a job with a diploma much less without one.
That must be taught in Parenting 101 or comes with the birth certificate. Stop asking permission and go do it. (Again, reference its legality)Beef08":7ks4cxgz said:
Your have asked, and prayers are with you. Best wishes, and remember, the wind will most likely be in your face more than at your back.
backhoeboogie
Well-known member
When my parents divorced, I was a bit older than you. Not a lot tho. All I really wanted was for the two of them to be happy. Eventually both of them were happier. Life was better for them. Not the same for me but better for them.
When you get married you will deal with in-laws and some of them will be worse than step siblings. Think about that.
Grow from this experience and learn to broaden your horizons of dealing with individuals. The 9 year old is just a child. Try to befriend your step-mother and work on a friend to friend relationship.
There will always be things that are simply beyond your control. From the sounds of it, things were beyond your father's control too. All you can do is choose to make the best of the situations you are faced with in life. - or you can choose to make things worse. It is up to you.
When you get married you will deal with in-laws and some of them will be worse than step siblings. Think about that.
Grow from this experience and learn to broaden your horizons of dealing with individuals. The 9 year old is just a child. Try to befriend your step-mother and work on a friend to friend relationship.
There will always be things that are simply beyond your control. From the sounds of it, things were beyond your father's control too. All you can do is choose to make the best of the situations you are faced with in life. - or you can choose to make things worse. It is up to you.
xbred
Well-known member
this can be a defining time in your life..a time to grow and be a better person...be the strong one in this situation..sacrifice..stay in school...everyone around you will notice, those in the family and those outside the family....always do the right thing (i promise you will know what it is) it will not be the easy thing...you will emerge from this a super strong person...stay in school...stay in school...stay in school...you will become the one the entire family leans on..don't fight and bicker with those who have choosen the easy road...keep you eyes far out in front...when you make a mistake don't be afraid to make it right and get back on the right road...i'm praying for you...
bigbull338
Well-known member
you are in a very tough spot.but im going to give you some hard advice.you an your bro arnt to blame for your mom an dads split or your moms affair.saddly those things happen.never blame yourself for whats happened.your mom an dad love you an your bro.an yes it does affect an mess your life up.but you need to hang tough an stay in school.an get to know your mom an dad again.ive seen what the hate an anger of divorce can do.because my bro an his wife splitt after 23yrs of marrage.well the kids hated their momma just like you.the girls would not talk to or see their mom less they had to.the boys stayed with their dad.an they finally got to where they would go stay with her.but that wasnt easy for them.so i know what your feeling an thinking.
I luv herfrds
Well-known member
I agree with alot that has already been said.
Now remember this,"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Now if your family is tearing you down, then don't talk to them except for every other week and when they start the negative comments make an excuse and get off of the phone. They will be dense and never figure it out.
Get out of the house. No sense straining your relationship with your dad because you don't like his new wife.
Definately keep in contact with your brother, never let that go.
Finish your schooling first.
Hang in there, it is a tough time for you, but you are strong and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward.
Now remember this,"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Now if your family is tearing you down, then don't talk to them except for every other week and when they start the negative comments make an excuse and get off of the phone. They will be dense and never figure it out.
Get out of the house. No sense straining your relationship with your dad because you don't like his new wife.
Definately keep in contact with your brother, never let that go.
Finish your schooling first.
Hang in there, it is a tough time for you, but you are strong and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue moving forward.
OP
OP
Beef08
Well-known member
Thank you all for your advice and prayers. It means alot that so many would respond and give advice.
Bez+
Well-known member
Beef08":1eb1xgse said:
Your are quite welcome - remember we were all young like you once - all of us with our whole lives ahead of us.
Many of us were given this advice and most of us ignored it. There are very, very few people who can look you in the eye and tell you they are happy they ignored that advice.
Now, you have to TAKE this advice. If you do not, you will come to regret it - trust me - no - trust us - we all know what we are talking about.
Go and make your mistakes as well - and LEARN from them.
So suck it up and get on with it.
Oh, please - make sure you truly look in that mirror once in a while.
Big hug - now get on with it!
Bez+
HerefordSire
Well-known member
You may want to find support somewhere. Someone you can confide in. It could be someone you respect, friend, pastor, counselor, etc. This person you select should be available around the clock and frequently in the initial meetings.
GMN
Well-known member
Do you have a Grandparent or Aunt or Uncle you could stay with for awhile, that is 100% neutral? I think sometime away could give you the perspective you need to deal with this difficult situation. I speak from experience, step families can be pretty much impossible, I think it was poor judgement on your Dads part not to introduce you to his new wife and her daughter beforehand. Sounds like you have all been thru the wringer, these things take time to work out, and its OK to be angry about it, just don't be angry forever.
GMN
GMN
OP
OP
Beef08
Well-known member
yea my dads parents. they live about a half a mile away and i am up there bout as much as i am home. i have always helped paw paw with the farm so i stay busy up there
GMN
Well-known member
Beef08":3328ip26 said:
That is great, I am glad to hear that. With their guidance you are sure to get through this difficult time.
GMN
