Political Cows

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dcara

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DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money,
buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the
2nd one.
You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle
of vodka.
You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3
months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many
cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are
two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any
creature's private parts.
At night when no one is looking, you have sex with
both of them.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them
up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting
to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote
for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which is the best-looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of
the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
 

greenpasture78

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DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

Hmmmm.......this one sounds familiar? Isn't this George W. Bush's ultimate plan for Iraq? I thought it is something he is doing to us! You Repukelicans better wake up 'cause this is what your Repukelican Prez (or king) is doing to you and the rest of our fellow countrymen (and women)! What a shock for you!
 

D.R. Cattle

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greenpasture78":3n5gwd8u said:
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow,
which was a gift from your government.

Hmmmm.......this one sounds familiar? Isn't this George W. Bush's ultimate plan for Iraq? I thought it is something he is doing to us! You Repukelicans better wake up 'cause this is what your Repukelican Prez (or king) is doing to you and the rest of our fellow countrymen (and women)! What a shock for you!

You have two cows. You grab your gun and go kill the guys that are trying to blow up your two cows. At the same time you help your neighbor recover from hard times because you have the ability to do so. Who knows, you may need his help some day. Even if you don't, it's the decent moral thing to do.
 

eric

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You have two cows....
Someone shoots one of them....
Rather than spend the time and money to protect your farm from outside intruders, by making better fences, getting guard dogs, hiring folks to watch your fencelines.....'
You spend all your time and money chasing after who knows what or whom that you believe shot your cow....

Protect your own place from intruders before you protect your neighbors!
 

Craig-TX

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Eric you’ve got a point there. I’m all for locking the borders down air-tight, directly after we toss out every middle eastern person already here on a visa. We definitely need to seal the borders. But not at the expense of kicking tail on our enemies. Why not both?

Craig-TX
 

txag

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eric":yz3ni7i5 said:
You have two cows....
Someone shoots one of them....
Rather than spend the time and money to protect your farm from outside intruders, by making better fences, getting guard dogs, hiring folks to watch your fencelines.....'
You spend all your time and money chasing after who knows what or whom that you believe shot your cow....

Protect your own place from intruders before you protect your neighbors!

you may not even have the right or ability to shoot back if kerry gets elected.
 

dun

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txag":etxmj86r said:
eric":etxmj86r said:
You have two cows....
Someone shoots one of them....
Rather than spend the time and money to protect your farm from outside intruders, by making better fences, getting guard dogs, hiring folks to watch your fencelines.....'
You spend all your time and money chasing after who knows what or whom that you believe shot your cow....

Protect your own place from intruders before you protect your neighbors!

you may not even have the right or ability to shoot back if kerry gets elected.

Or anything to shoot back with!

dun
 

eric

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Come on now..I know you guys dont believe that! There is no way that a bajillion dollar a yr business is going to let any politician tell them what to do. Look at the tobacco industry, if anything is ripe for a shutdown, then it's that industry. But they are no closer to shutting them down than they were 10 yrs ago. Big businesses have always ran this country, and they most likely always will. Kerry will have as much luck with the gun industry as Bush is having with the porn industry. While many people dont agree with either, it is a constitutional right to have both!! Hopefully Kerry will have more sense and will not try to govern morality.
 

Michelle Pankonien

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Green pastures, you are seriously deluded, Oh I forgot, you are probably a stoned twit from the product of Parents who experimented in the 60"s and 70'S and believe whatever the leftist media has to tell you because you can't think foryourself thanks to our poor educational system, cutesty of the democratic party that is trying to dumb down our Nation so the people are more easily brain washed
 

greenpasture78

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sorry Michelle "Shelled", but I was not born in the 60's or most of the 70's I was born veryyyyy late 70's. Nice try though...

As the good word of Dun: "ENOUGH".
 

eric

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There is nothing better on here than a good Michelle / GP78 argument!!

I could listen to those two debate the issues all day long!

Like shooting fish in a barrel. I may have GP78, but Michelle evens up the sides a little bit!!
 

txag

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eric":1yyikz47 said:
Kerry will have as much luck with the gun industry as Bush is having with the porn industry. While many people dont agree with either, it is a constitutional right to have both!! Hopefully Kerry will have more sense and will not try to govern morality.

that's probably what australians thought, too.

which consititutional amendment mentions porn?

fyi: bush is not trying to shut down the porn industry. he wants smut taken off the public airwaves.
 

eric

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That would be Amendment I.....the same one which allows you to bash our future president!

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievences."

Or something along those lines..its only been 20 yrs or so since I memorized it!
 

txag

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eric":w0qg7sb4 said:
That would be Amendment I.....the same one which allows you to bash our future president!

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievences."

Or something along those lines..its only been 20 yrs or so since I memorized it!

i still see no mention of porn in there. i suppose you're referring to freedom of the press.

as i mentioned before, bush is not trying to outlaw porn, he's trying to get it off the public airwaves. personally, i think that's a good thing. i have no problem w/porn......it's not my thing, but if guys (or women) are willing to spend their money on it, so be it. i just don't think the general public should be exposed to it.
 

eric

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Not sure what you mean by general public exposed to it? You have to go to a specific channel on television to view it, most stores have it behind the counter so kids cant look at it, all magazines have a black plastic cover on the bag. On the TV issue, all cable / satellite systems are required by law to have "lockable channels" on their systems. I dont have a problem with it either, not really my thing neither, but if we start outlawing things like this, then what is next? We shouldnt be governing morality! I dont think gays should be allowed to get married, but if it makes them happy, then let them do it. We have laws in place concerning the welfare of minors, protecting the kids from the porn industry. Granted, its not working real well, but that appears to be more of a parental problem than an industry problem. I just think that grown men and women should be able to watch whatever they want to in their own bedroom.
What would happen if we got some vegetarian elected to the presidency? Because he feels meat is bad, should he be able to close down the beef industry? I know thats a radical example, but we just can't bann everything we dont like or dont believe in. Same with gambling! Not my thing, but I dont begrudge people who do enjoy it. Seems like a waste of money to me, but different strokes for different folks!
 

Texan

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Eric, bad as I hate to, I've got to admit that I agree with you on that. But don't get the wrong idea. It doesn't mean that we're going steady or that I want to sit around and watch dirty movies with you or anything. You did get the part about how bad I hate to admit it, right?
 

txag

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eric":1py1dyho said:
Not sure what you mean by general public exposed to it?

i believe you've previously mentioned stern. this is the type of thing they're trying to stop. they're not trying to stop his program, they're just trying to stop him from being on public radio. i have heard him & frankly, i think he's obnoxious & full of sh!t. my 3-yr old has a radio in her room. should i have to monitor her 24/7 to ensure she doesn't find a station w/stern (luckily down here, none of the stations carry him)? public airwaves are what's under scrutiny. not cable, satellite, magazine sales behind the counter.

i haven't heard anything about trying to stop private sale & use of porn. can you give us some specifics?

you mentioned earlier that gun control won't happen under kerry but you choose to vote against bush because you think he's trying to end the porn industry. what makes one right (especially one specifically mentioned in the consitution.....right to keep & bear arms) less important than the other?
 

greenpasture78

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The other day I was at one of those free cam porn websites (can't mention the name on here since its advertisting). While chatting with one of the girls there (its free mind you...no nudity in free section...you have to pay credits to see the nudity...I don't pay the nudity stuff..just to chat!), an young kid came on at the age of 14, as soon she heard he was 14, she banned him from the channel... Before he was banned, he claimed he would pay credits like everyone else....she didn't care and banned him anyways. I am sure she told her boss and the boss found the kid's IP address and had notified his parents.... This is an example how loose the porn industry has become..

You can type in certain porn words on any search engine and you will see links of "free" preview pictures of the girls...nude or almost nudes... Wonder how many kids has seen these same pictures as I have? Probably too many to count.
 

eric

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.
i have heard him & frankly, i think he's obnoxious & full of sh!t.
my 3-yr old has a radio in her room.


Exactly how I feel about Rush Limbaugh and most of the political blowhards! But I dont think he should be taken off the air for his show content.

Your daughter is 3 yrs old, YES you should be monitoring what she is watching / listening to!!

I have never heard Kerry specifically mention the gun industry, not saying he hasn't, but maybe he is being linked to his predecessors who didnt have much sense. I have heard Bush say he wants the FCC to crack down on what he calls "dirty language", but only on shows he doesnt like. Its O K for Oprah to talk about female body parts, but if Stern or anyone else says it, it must be nasty! I find Sterns brand of humor funny, if you dont, change the station and listen to Kidd Kraddick or whatever you guys have down there for sappy radio programming. I dont want to be left with only one radio station to choose from. [/quote]
 

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