chrisy
Well-known member
> Dear Dogs and Cats,
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
>The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing
>a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
>claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
>aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very
>sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
>to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
>when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
>other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
>sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
>end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
>If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
>it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or
>get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must
>exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom
>for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
>butt. I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message
>on our front door:
>
>
>
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
>Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
>
> 2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the
>furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture .)
>
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
>son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not
>speak clearly.
>
> Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat
>less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
>come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
>drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having
>to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a
>gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can
>sell their children.
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
>The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing
>a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a
>claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
>aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
>Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
>because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very
>sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
>to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
>when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
>other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
>sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
>end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
>If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
>it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or
>get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must
>exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom
>for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's
>butt. I cannot stress this enough!
>
> To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message
>on our front door:
>
>
>
> Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
>Pets:
>
> 1. They live here. You don't.
>
> 2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the
>furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture .)
>
> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>
> 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
>son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not
>speak clearly.
>
> Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat
>less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
>come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
>drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having
>to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a
>gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can
>sell their children.
