Parents of teenagers....advice please.

[Alice]

It's like the little prick is shoving his behavior down your throat and making you like it. Imagine the power he feels. He knows good and well that your daughter will come to his defense.

But ya' know what, sometimes I think it's ok to stand your ground with your teenager. My daughter put me thru hades, but she was always, always, always clear on one thing...I did not tolerate disrespect. I cannot count the times I told some of her smart a$$ friends to watch their mouths, and surprisingly, she didn't give me a bad time for it. AND, at least she knew where I stood on it...and today she is the same with her kids, and her kids friends...and with the kids in her classroom.

Alice

Geez, Alice, I sure hope I'm on your good side. If not, please tell me how I can get there. ;-)

Van, my daughter is 36 years old. She is the mother of 4 and a 3rd grade school teacher. She's done well, and I thank God every day for it.

But when I read stuff like this kid manipulating good people thru their daughter, those years I spent with her as a teenager comes back like yesterday.

I tried the old just let it go...it'll run it's course...and I got it stuck in my ear. When I finally said, "Enough! This is how I feel, and I will not compromise my values just to keep you from getting upset, and getting your way" that's when things started to even out just a little bit.

And, the prescription for Prozac that the doc gave me helped immeasurably! 8)

Alice

 

[Wisteria Farms]

It's like the little prick is shoving his behavior down your throat and making you like it. Imagine the power he feels. He knows good and well that your daughter will come to his defense.

But ya' know what, sometimes I think it's ok to stand your ground with your teenager. My daughter put me thru hades, but she was always, always, always clear on one thing...I did not tolerate disrespect. I cannot count the times I told some of her smart a$$ friends to watch their mouths, and surprisingly, she didn't give me a bad time for it. AND, at least she knew where I stood on it...and today she is the same with her kids, and her kids friends...and with the kids in her classroom.

Alice

Geez, Alice, I sure hope I'm on your good side. If not, please tell me how I can get there. ;-)

Van, my daughter is 36 years old. She is the mother of 4 and a 3rd grade school teacher. She's done well, and I thank God every day for it.

But when I read stuff like this kid manipulating good people thru their daughter, those years I spent with her as a teenager comes back like yesterday.

I tried the old just let it go...it'll run it's course...and I got it stuck in my ear. When I finally said, "Enough! This is how I feel, and I will not compromise my values just to keep you from getting upset, and getting your way" that's when things started to even out just a little bit.

And, the prescription for Prozac that the doc gave me helped immeasurably! 8)

Alice

Love ya Alice.... you're my kind of support...thanks.

 

[Alice]

It's like the little prick is shoving his behavior down your throat and making you like it. Imagine the power he feels. He knows good and well that your daughter will come to his defense.

But ya' know what, sometimes I think it's ok to stand your ground with your teenager. My daughter put me thru hades, but she was always, always, always clear on one thing...I did not tolerate disrespect. I cannot count the times I told some of her smart a$$ friends to watch their mouths, and surprisingly, she didn't give me a bad time for it. AND, at least she knew where I stood on it...and today she is the same with her kids, and her kids friends...and with the kids in her classroom.

Alice

Geez, Alice, I sure hope I'm on your good side. If not, please tell me how I can get there. ;-)

Van, my daughter is 36 years old. She is the mother of 4 and a 3rd grade school teacher. She's done well, and I thank God every day for it.

But when I read stuff like this kid manipulating good people thru their daughter, those years I spent with her as a teenager comes back like yesterday.

I tried the old just let it go...it'll run it's course...and I got it stuck in my ear. When I finally said, "Enough! This is how I feel, and I will not compromise my values just to keep you from getting upset, and getting your way" that's when things started to even out just a little bit.

And, the prescription for Prozac that the doc gave me helped immeasurably! 8)

Alice

Love ya Alice.... you're my kind of support...thanks.

Hey, I'm with ya'!

Alice

 

[farm princess]

Maybe if you try to "like" him and give her the ok for this and that then she will end up not liking him as much as she thinks. Almost every teenager will hate whatever the parent likes. Think about it that way!!

;-)

 

[Lammie]

I'd rip him a good one. I would warn him about it first and then I'd do it. If he's hanging at your place all the time, then you get to treat him like one of your's.

Know is parents?

 

[Wisteria Farms]

I'd rip him a good one. I would warn him about it first and then I'd do it. If he's hanging at your place all the time, then you get to treat him like one of your's.

Know is parents?

I've met them... Lord knows I'm not the perfect parent but I think they're truly clueless. They don't do a heck of a lot with the kids (which is why I think he likes being here). They don't push them to be involved in ANYTHING. His mom stood in my kitchen and said what a good soccer player he was. A while later I asked him "When did you play soccer?"... this was like 2nd/3rd grade!!! He was going to go out for wrestling but found out he had to cut his long hair so he didn't do it. Joke was on him... he was charged with assault for beating up this kid that was bothering him and had to cut his hair ANYWAY to go to court! Mind you... WE DON'T LIVE THIS WAY so this all just blows my mind.

 

[Alice]

Charged with assault? :shock:

Big red flag!!!!!

Alice

 

[cattleluvr18]

ok. please tell me your not bugging her about this. unless your really tight with your daughter, the last thing she wants right now is her mommy bugging her. NO OFFENSE!!

hopefully time away from this low life loser and time around better guys will make her realize that hes just some idiot that she got caught up in. leave her alone and let time take its toll.

(but do your best to keep him the he!! away from her!!)

 

[rockridgecattle]

Wisteria, I wish I had something positve to tell you. But I don't. I didn't date in high school and I have no kids.

Could you suggest she take a break from him to explore her options?
What if, after she has been treated so poorly you ask,
"if her dad treated you like that how would she feel?
Or
If she had a friend who dated a guy who said these things to her what would she say to her friend?
how about a trip to a women's shelter and a talk to some of these women who have been through this
Could her dad talk to her about this, about the disrespecting of women?
If you go to church and believe in the God, read the bible, what about a young girls bible study on relationships, or talk about what God says on how men and women are to treat each other or..
pastor or youth pastor help in talking to her about this?

I dunno, just the ramblings of someone who knows nothing of this.
Good luck, stay calm and gain strength from Him

 

[dun]

Having a daughter that was pretty mcuh similar when she was younger, all I can say is to love her and give her support. As screwed up as she may get in the short term, in the long term things will most likely work out. At 16 her mother tried to write her off as a lost cause. She ended up being a better person for all of the stuff she went through. Her example of having succeeded in life has allowed her to help other people turn their lives around. If your daughter gets into drugs, mine didn;t fortunately, step in even if you have to lock her up in a convent. Most everything else included teen age unwed pregnancy can be overcome, drugs can't.

 

[angie2]

Most everything else included teen age unwed pregnancy can be overcome, drugs can't.

I see that every single day as a correctional officer.....
Is very sad.

 

[novatech]

When my kids would bring friends over sometimes they would get out of line. Weather it be a lack of respect by what they said or how they said it or simply did not clean up after them selves, I would correct them as I would my own children. Sometimes it embarrassed my kids and I was latter severely chastised but I can tell you that each and every one of them learned to show respect. At least in front of me.
Some of the boys my girls brought home absolutely made me ill to think they would choose someone like this. But I allowed them to make their own choices. Some have made good choices some have made bad. They must live with it.
I was one of those boys that most parents would not want their kids to go out with. I always remembered that when judging the boy the girls brought home. I always treated them with respect but also demanded it in return. When that boy does something that annoys you tell him about it. It may be that he does not realize what he is doing or how disrespectful it is. I can assure you that he will pay more attention to you than even his own parents.
As for drugs, do any kind of investigation you can on any of the people they associate with. In today's world never assume they are not using, that includes your own. Never assume teenagers are telling you the truth, that includes your own.
Being the parent of a teen may be just a test to get into heaven. ;-)

 

[Limomike]

haha.. nova, I think you may be right there. If thats the case then I have been plenty tested with my 19yr old son, and 16 yr old daughter. Every single day...

 

[Lammie]

I hear ya, Nova. My kids know that if they have kids over, then they are subject to the same treatment that I would give them. It's only fair. When my sons go to someone else's house, I expect the same. Last year, my older son's best friend came over. He hadn't gone to school and he hadn't been working, so I asked him just how long he planned on mooching off his mother. Steven bout crawled into a hole, but I meant it. A strapping, smart young man like that should have a job. Lord knows that there's jobs everywhere here to be had in the gas industry, and you could practically retire from it, as exploration here will be going on for another thirty years, I hear.

I think that the best thing to do is to start taking your daughter places, not including him, like vacations and stuff. Let her see some nice young men. Let her meet some. Like I said, she'll go off to college some day and she'll meet all kinds of young men. Right now, she's in a rut. My older son dated a girl like that for two years. Didn't have a car. Didn't work. My son was taking her back and forth to school every day. In return, she never went to prom with him or Homecoming. But at least my son had the good sense to ask other girls, which always made her fighting mad!

He has a GF in Amarillo now and she seems to be hard working and sensible. I have talked to her a couple of times on the phone. I didn't meet the other GF for about a year.

Guess Steven was ashamed~!

 

[turn1]

I would not tolerate the disrespect of my daughter. I do not treat my wife that way as all my children know. Invite him over for a gun cleaning party.:lol: And You would have no problem going back to jail. Just kidding. I know how serious this matter is.
the disrespect issue must be resolved. If he does it now, he will do it latter. ( if it comes to that ).I will pray with you on this matter.
Billy J.

 

[Calman]

Having raised 2 daughters by myself my advise is,
Give her all the love you can, point her in the right direction,
and that's all you can do. Usally with the right upbringing she'll turn out just fine. I know in times like this we question if we're doing the right thing or not. But in the long run with a lot of love and guidance she'll be just fine.
I will say as a father none of my girls had a boyfriend that suited me. But both are married to a great guys, and have given me some great grandchildren. Just glad I don't have to raise them.

 

[backhoeboogie]

Charged with assault? :shock:

Big red flag!!!!!

Alice

Not any more. A wild pitch on the playground will land you an assault charge. It happened. Someone cuts in front of you in line and you shove them back out in the third grade and you get an assault charge. It happens. My guess is half the kids in school have assault charges these days. If not, they are just as guilty as someone who is charged.

 

[The Bachelor]

Having a daughter that was pretty mcuh similar when she was younger, all I can say is to love her and give her support. As screwed up as she may get in the short term, in the long term things will most likely work out. At 16 her mother tried to write her off as a lost cause. She ended up being a better person for all of the stuff she went through. Her example of having succeeded in life has allowed her to help other people turn their lives around. If your daughter gets into drugs, mine didn;t fortunately, step in even if you have to lock her up in a convent. Most everything else included teen age unwed pregnancy can be overcome, drugs can't.

Good advice Dun. I would also like to give another side of the coin.

I knew this dad once who refused to go to his daughters wedding. She was an RN. The guy she was marrying was a real loser. He dropped out of college, started hitchhiking around and working and bumming around. Finally he came home and was living in a camper shell when they decided to get married.

That was 25 years ago. I sure am glad my wife's dad came to our wedding..... I'm kind of thinking he was too.......

Sometimes "parent eyes" and what we see as best for our children can cloud what we remember we had as young people in love. My boys don't always make the best decisions either, but I have to hope what we gave them growing up will go along way to making their right choices.

 

[Wisteria Farms]

Thanks again everyone... this next statement is probably going to start a fire but....

I'm tired of trying to set a good example for this kid. MY KIDS know right from wrong (as for the drug issue... she's not and I'm sure). You have to understand, she likes to be home with us... she doesn't go to parties and her friends are always HERE... its not very often that she stays with one of them and I think he has a lot to do with that (someone's going to tell me I should be glad about that... but not really.) If she's staying home because she's going to get in trouble from him as in "who did you talk to, who was there".. thats NOT good.. Its controlling. This is why we pushed the hockey thing...its the one place she can RELAX and have fun...after a game she is totally "pumped" and excited.

As for pregnancy and all that... we've talked about that and she's saved herself but said she promised him on their 2 year anniversary (coming up in March) so we're taking precautions (its unrealistic to think that she won't do it-and I know that but I thank God she's talking to me about it). She went to a Catholic school through 8th grade and I think that's whats got her this far...she's come away with some pretty strong values.

As for the assault charge...yes I wasnt happy about that. BUT in his defense this kid wouldn't leave him alone about his hair. My response was "SOMEONE is always going to make fun of you for SOMETHING ... you have to have the shoulders to bear it and the self-control to ignore it" which he didn't. He got a small fine and supervision as it was a first offense. But regardless... I made it clear to my daughter that in this small town its going to be harder for him to get a job because he now has a record. NOT GOOD!!

Oh well.... I could vent on this for days and its just going to bore you all to tears so thanks so much for all your input...I'm just glad to know I'm not alone. Thanks

 

[Wisteria Farms]

Having a daughter that was pretty mcuh similar when she was younger, all I can say is to love her and give her support. As screwed up as she may get in the short term, in the long term things will most likely work out. At 16 her mother tried to write her off as a lost cause. She ended up being a better person for all of the stuff she went through. Her example of having succeeded in life has allowed her to help other people turn their lives around. If your daughter gets into drugs, mine didn;t fortunately, step in even if you have to lock her up in a convent. Most everything else included teen age unwed pregnancy can be overcome, drugs can't.

Good advice Dun. I would also like to give another side of the coin.

I knew this dad once who refused to go to his daughters wedding. She was an RN. The guy she was marrying was a real loser. He dropped out of college, started hitchhiking around and working and bumming around. Finally he came home and was living in a camper shell when they decided to get married.

That was 25 years ago. I sure am glad my wife's dad came to our wedding..... I'm kind of thinking he was too.......

Sometimes "parent eyes" and what we see as best for our children can cloud what we remember we had as young people in love. My boys don't always make the best decisions either, but I have to hope what we gave them growing up will go along way to making their right choices.

Bachelor...I'm glad to say, this isn't about what he has or doesn't have (we have been really blessed with our business and if I were to rule out those who don't have what we have, there wouldn't be too many to pick from). Hereto...this might be part of the problem... I've preached to her that she's learned hard work from US but that she's ultimately going to have to make it on her own at some point because mommy and daddy will NOT support her. I know SHE can make it but have a feeling she would be supporting HIM. This is really more about the way he treats her...