A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse
unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blond begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.........
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
====== ======
STAY!!!!
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
*****************
Observations on Growing Older
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good..
Coming home is better!
~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"
~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
~Yo u forget names .... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... especially golf.
~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
~Remember when your mother said,
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ....
were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"... ???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~Your husband has a night out with the guys,
but he's home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P..M.
~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers..
~Now that your husband has retired ...
you'd give anything if he'd find a job!
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...
2 of which you will never wear.
~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs,
old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blond begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.........
Frank, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
====== ======
STAY!!!!
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must
remain there. I walked to the curb backward,
pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
"Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady,
gave me a strange look and said,
"Why don't you just put it in park?"
*****************
Observations on Growing Older
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them...but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good..
Coming home is better!
~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"
~When you needed the discount, you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.
~Yo u forget names .... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything .... especially golf.
~Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
~Remember when your mother said,
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!
~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ....
were unheard of, and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ...
"what?"..."when?"... ???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~Your husband has a night out with the guys,
but he's home by 9:00 P.M. Next week it will be 8:30 P..M.
~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.
~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers..
~Now that your husband has retired ...
you'd give anything if he'd find a job!
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ...
2 of which you will never wear.
~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs,
old movies,
And best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
