Campground Cattle
Well-known member
Notices to Northerners moving to the South:
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed why
shortly.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow
chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you
already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off
trying to find it yourself.
5, Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
6. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you, either.
7. The first Southern _expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol
truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store")
is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd; it's harder to use. Remember: Y'all is
singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
8. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone
directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks
learned to drive on a John Deere and this is the proper speed and lane
position for that vehicle.
9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!,"
get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say,
or worse still, that you will ever hear.
10.Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those
who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern
license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when
the car was purchased.
11. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking,
let alone eating.
12. The wardrobe you always brought out in Sept. can wait until
Dec.
13. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store. It is just something you're supposed to do if you're Southern.
14. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house.. This is
logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the
house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
15. Be advised that in the South "He needed killin" is a valid
legal defense.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed why
shortly.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean
Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow
chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you
already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off
trying to find it yourself.
5, Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
6. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you, either.
7. The first Southern _expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol
truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store")
is 2nd, and "Y'all" is 3rd; it's harder to use. Remember: Y'all is
singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
8. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone
directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks
learned to drive on a John Deere and this is the proper speed and lane
position for that vehicle.
9. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!,"
get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say,
or worse still, that you will ever hear.
10.Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those
who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern
license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when
the car was purchased.
11. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking,
let alone eating.
12. The wardrobe you always brought out in Sept. can wait until
Dec.
13. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store. It is just something you're supposed to do if you're Southern.
14. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house.. This is
logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the
house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
15. Be advised that in the South "He needed killin" is a valid
legal defense.