ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK
1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.
4. Build on high ground.
5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.
8. If you can't fight or flee -- float.
9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
10. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
11. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don't sit there and complain -- shovel.
12. Stay below deck during the storm.
13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
15. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
16. Don't miss the boat.
17. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side.
******
Did you hear Jon wound up at a "Dude Ranch" for the summer? Yep. And as usual, he was dumber than a box of rocks. The cowboys all figured this out in short order when they showed him a lasso.
"This is for catching cows", one of the cowboys said.
Jon returned, "Well, what do you guys use for bait?"
*********
In Ohio earlier this year, a season ticket holder was refused entry to a Cincinnati Red's home game for the flimsy and pathetic excuse that he was dead.
His family had brought his ashes to the match in a glass container. His son's comment was, "Now that's really something when you can't take a bottle of pop to the game with you."
********
"Sally, can you spell 'water' for me?" The teacher asked.
"H I J K L M N 0," answered Sally promptly.
Her teacher look puzzled. "That doesn't spell "water."
"Sure it does," said Sally. "My daddy's a scientist and he says water is H to O."
*******
1. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
2. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
3. Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.
4. Build on high ground.
5. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
6. Two heads are better than one.
7. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.
8. If you can't fight or flee -- float.
9. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth.
10. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
11. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don't sit there and complain -- shovel.
12. Stay below deck during the storm.
13. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
14. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.
15. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
16. Don't miss the boat.
17. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side.
******
Did you hear Jon wound up at a "Dude Ranch" for the summer? Yep. And as usual, he was dumber than a box of rocks. The cowboys all figured this out in short order when they showed him a lasso.
"This is for catching cows", one of the cowboys said.
Jon returned, "Well, what do you guys use for bait?"
*********
In Ohio earlier this year, a season ticket holder was refused entry to a Cincinnati Red's home game for the flimsy and pathetic excuse that he was dead.
His family had brought his ashes to the match in a glass container. His son's comment was, "Now that's really something when you can't take a bottle of pop to the game with you."
********
"Sally, can you spell 'water' for me?" The teacher asked.
"H I J K L M N 0," answered Sally promptly.
Her teacher look puzzled. "That doesn't spell "water."
"Sure it does," said Sally. "My daddy's a scientist and he says water is H to O."
*******
