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need to vent some family steam

larryshoat

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Now that's impressive and it made me laugh :lol2: :tiphat: .

Larry
 

Lammie

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Hey, I vent here all the time. I was in a funk all day yesterday because of the whole thing with my parents house and useless siblings. I had an estate sale over the weekend and neither one of them could be bothered to show up to help me. I could not even leave to get something to eat. But boy howdy, tell them there's stuff in that house they can have and they will be all over like flies on poop.

I said yesterday on the Alzheimer's boards that I was not going to tell them when Dad died, when his time comes. They never visit him anyway, like they never visited Mother, even when she was dying, so why bother after he's gone? They just came to the funeral and made a big show of it. I mean it. I'm going to see if they read it in the paper or something. I'm done with them. I can't beleive how ungrateful and greedy they are.

So vent away. You are not alone.
 

rockridgecattle

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Lammie":z12q97r9 said:
Hey, I vent here all the time. I was in a funk all day yesterday because of the whole thing with my parents house and useless siblings. I had an estate sale over the weekend and neither one of them could be bothered to show up to help me. I could not even leave to get something to eat. But boy howdy, tell them there's stuff in that house they can have and they will be all over like flies on poop.

I said yesterday on the Alzheimer's boards that I was not going to tell them when Dad died, when his time comes. They never visit him anyway, like they never visited Mother, even when she was dying, so why bother after he's gone? They just came to the funeral and made a big show of it. I mean it. I'm going to see if they read it in the paper or something. I'm done with them. I can't beleive how ungrateful and greedy they are.

So vent away. You are not alone.


Lammie, speaking as someone who is on the outs with her mother, and whose mother is dying, tell them when he passes. I know these words you speak are because you are hurt, but in the end they are family and they need to know. They need closure as well. I know they have done dumb things, hurtful things to both your parents and you. That does not excuse them. But not telling them is really bad, and I know you are not that kind of person. If you tell them, it leaves the ball in their court, and relieves you of the guilt and burden, and the anger you will feel when and after you have buried your parents. They will be accountable for their actions one day by someone...if not, really, it will come back to bite them in the butt...real good
Death seems to put things into perspective when it happens.
On a note, this was not my vent, my mother's relationship. It is a choice she has made. I have tried, and continue to try but not much i can do...
Siblings was my rant, the one sided of the relationship, how i live so far, and make a effort to see them, call them, and they have no $ to come to see me andd our farm, and can go and do things and spend like it is going out of style and yet have no money to come here. Petty in the grand scheme of things and i was really tired.
 

Lammie

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Thanks. I know I won't do those things, but in all honesty, I just can't understand it. I just can't see why someone can ignore their parents and help out when needed. That is what family is all about, right?

Where is my family????? Dad asks about them every time I visit and I tell him those Loving Lies about who busy they are. Everyone is too busy these days. I know that. My sister is fifteen minutes away and has not been to see him since Mom passed. Why? HOw can anyone be that selfish and self absorbed?

Anyway, we go on, don't we? I'm gonna end up in counseling before this is done.
 

talldog

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Lammie":28pbo0qc said:
Hey, I vent here all the time. I was in a funk all day yesterday because of the whole thing with my parents house and useless siblings. I had an estate sale over the weekend and neither one of them could be bothered to show up to help me. I could not even leave to get something to eat. But boy howdy, tell them there's stuff in that house they can have and they will be all over like flies on poop.

I said yesterday on the Alzheimer's boards that I was not going to tell them when Dad died, when his time comes. They never visit him anyway, like they never visited Mother, even when she was dying, so why bother after he's gone? They just came to the funeral and made a big show of it. I mean it. I'm going to see if they read it in the paper or something. I'm done with them. I can't beleive how ungrateful and greedy they are.

So vent away. You are not alone.
I'll bet you one thing---When ne passes they'll be the first to ask about the money !! :???:
 

BeefmasterB

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rockridgecattle":17ywr60o said:
Lammie":17ywr60o said:
Hey, I vent here all the time. I was in a funk all day yesterday because of the whole thing with my parents house and useless siblings. I had an estate sale over the weekend and neither one of them could be bothered to show up to help me. I could not even leave to get something to eat. But boy howdy, tell them there's stuff in that house they can have and they will be all over like flies on poop.

I said yesterday on the Alzheimer's boards that I was not going to tell them when Dad died, when his time comes. They never visit him anyway, like they never visited Mother, even when she was dying, so why bother after he's gone? They just came to the funeral and made a big show of it. I mean it. I'm going to see if they read it in the paper or something. I'm done with them. I can't beleive how ungrateful and greedy they are.

So vent away. You are not alone.

Lammie, speaking as someone who is on the outs with her mother, and whose mother is dying, tell them when he passes. I know these words you speak are because you are hurt, but in the end they are family and they need to know. They need closure as well. I know they have done dumb things, hurtful things to both your parents and you. That does not excuse them. But not telling them is really bad, and I know you are not that kind of person. If you tell them, it leaves the ball in their court, and relieves you of the guilt and burden, and the anger you will feel when and after you have buried your parents. They will be accountable for their actions one day by someone...if not, really, it will come back to bite them in the butt...real good
Death seems to put things into perspective when it happens.
On a note, this was not my vent, my mother's relationship. It is a choice she has made. I have tried, and continue to try but not much i can do...
Siblings was my rant, the one sided of the relationship, how i live so far, and make a effort to see them, call them, and they have no $ to come to see me andd our farm, and can go and do things and spend like it is going out of style and yet have no money to come here. Petty in the grand scheme of things and i was really tired.

Very wise words, Rockridge!!
 

Frankie

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rockridgecattle":er2ds6gu said:
okay, I vented, i previewed and felt better. Thanks for the therapy. lol

You're welcome.

We just had our family reunion. Though we had a good turn out this year, it is sad to see it getting smaller and smaller as our older folks can't come or die.
 

GMN

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Lammie":263bita0 said:
Thanks. I know I won't do those things, but in all honesty, I just can't understand it. I just can't see why someone can ignore their parents and help out when needed. That is what family is all about, right?

Where is my family????? Dad asks about them every time I visit and I tell him those Loving Lies about who busy they are. Everyone is too busy these days. I know that. My sister is fifteen minutes away and has not been to see him since Mom passed. Why? HOw can anyone be that selfish and self absorbed?

Anyway, we go on, don't we? I'm gonna end up in counseling before this is done.

If I was you I would not make excuses for your siblings. It just makes you feel down on yourself, and I am sure your Dad knows how it is with them. i am sure it hurts him, but all you can be is accountable for yourself.

The best way to judge your siblings/relatives is in these situations, and when the person dies. I went thru a similar thing with my Grandma years ago, and the ones who never had the time to visit her or talk to her, were the ones that ran the show after she was dead, only took the vultures a week to get in her house, fix it up, paint, redo the carpeting, and sell it, before the rest of us could even bat an eye, and say hey maybe we wanted a small momento to remind us of times spent together. It irked me then and irks me to this day, how I use to think the cousins were just great people, and then they did that, made me realize just what a bunch of greedy snobs they are. All the times all she wanted was visitors, and some work done to her house, and those morons couldn't spare the time, but the minute she died, they were all over it, made me sick. Then they acted like their %$^& didn't stink, looking back all those years we had family gatherings together, the signs were always there, but I just never saw it.

GMN
 

GMN

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Siblings was my rant, the one sided of the relationship, how i live so far, and make a effort to see them, call them, and they have no $ to come to see me andd our farm, and can go and do things and spend like it is going out of style and yet have no money to come here. Petty in the grand scheme of things and i was really tired.QUOTE:

You are not alone in this. My siblings say similar things about me, they got me thinking I'm the blacksheep of the family. Always saying how I never come to visit them, they even have said I use the dairy as an excuse-Couldn't be farther from the truth. Thing is use to bother me, but like I think, is they all got professional jobs, paid vacations, paid holidays, and they could way easier come here and visit, but they CHOOSE not to. i don't hold it against them, so I can't figure why they say the things they do. Best bet is to ignore or confront.. not sure which..

GMN
 

peg4x4

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I'm lucky in family..Brother and I had no problems when parents died.
Lammie,act like the good person you are,tell the SOBs everything,keep them up to date. You will have nothing to regret that way.
howeber,make sure you don't turn your back on 'em
 

Lammie

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I called my sister and left a message, because she won't answer her phone, (I guess she's "sick" again), and told her that Dad's next care planning meeting is July 2 and that this was the time to renew my faith in her. I told her when it was, it only takes about fifteen minutes of her oh so precious time, and that if she could not bother to either be there to to call me with a valid excuse for not being there, (and valid is up to me), then she can just go get whatever else she wants from the dam house and not bother to have anything to do with either Dad or with me and not to bother coming to his funeral when he passes to make a big show, like they did at Mom's funeral. I'm done.

On the day everyone showed up to get what they wanted out of the house, you bet she was there, along with her retired husband, who could have easily been at the estate sale and didn't bother. She was crying because she could not stay and help me clean up, but, and get this, she was there before I showed up and left a list of the stuff she wanted. She had time to write the list but not to pick up a dam broom.

I don't hate her. She's my sister and I love her. I've done everything else that was hard to do, the paperwork, the appointments, the meetings, the faxes, all that stuff. All she has to do is to visit her own father and she can't do that.

I told her that I guessed that now that Dad's money is gone and all his stuff she wants is at her house, that she's washed her hands of him. He doesn't have anything left to give her but his love and that's not good enough.

Dam her anyway. I dont' hate her. I just dont want to be around her anymore. She's toxic. I can't waste my mental health on her.
 

backhoeboogie

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I could make excuses on Dad's estates for the siblings that lived out of town. Those the lived close by never helped.

I got it done and had to fight some things in court. Dad's girlfriend threw his will in the fire place etc.

I paid for the funeral, paid for the burial spot, paid the lawyers, property taxes every year, a bond for his belongings once I was named Aministrator - I paid for everything. 16 years later one sibling has still not paid their part.

Looking back all I did was "get 'er done". Dad would have been proud of me. I miss him. I'd trade all I own just to have him here with me now.
 

GMN

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Lammie":1rcuchga said:
I called my sister and left a message, because she won't answer her phone, (I guess she's "sick" again), and told her that Dad's next care planning meeting is July 2 and that this was the time to renew my faith in her. I told her when it was, it only takes about fifteen minutes of her oh so precious time, and that if she could not bother to either be there to to call me with a valid excuse for not being there, (and valid is up to me), then she can just go get whatever else she wants from the dam house and not bother to have anything to do with either Dad or with me and not to bother coming to his funeral when he passes to make a big show, like they did at Mom's funeral. I'm done.

On the day everyone showed up to get what they wanted out of the house, you bet she was there, along with her retired husband, who could have easily been at the estate sale and didn't bother. She was crying because she could not stay and help me clean up, but, and get this, she was there before I showed up and left a list of the stuff she wanted. She had time to write the list but not to pick up a dam broom.

I don't hate her. She's my sister and I love her. I've done everything else that was hard to do, the paperwork, the appointments, the meetings, the faxes, all that stuff. All she has to do is to visit her own father and she can't do that.

I told her that I guessed that now that Dad's money is gone and all his stuff she wants is at her house, that she's washed her hands of him. He doesn't have anything left to give her but his love and that's not good enough.

Dam her anyway. I dont' hate her. I just dont want to be around her anymore. She's toxic. I can't waste my mental health on her.

I'm probably gonna get slammed for this, but I think its OK not to like someone, even a family member. Don't close contact, but if she upsets you this much, its not good for you either to be involved with her. maybe one day, she will understand your feelings, and be able to be that someone that you like once again. For now, it maybe the best to keep your distance, and stop making excuses for her where other family is concerned.

GMN
 

Running Arrow Bill

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Just because family and relatives are either genetically or by marriage linked does not ensure that they want to be involved with anything or even actually like (much less love) the other members.

If there is a positive relationship, enjoy and be blessed by it.

If there is a negative relationship, don't waste your time or lose sleep over it...they are not worth it...

JMHO
 

peg4x4

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just because you're kin to somebody doesn't mean you have to like them. And It's OK.
 

backhoeboogie

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Running Arrow Bill":1624i9ri said:
If there is a positive relationship, enjoy and be blessed by it.

If there is a negative relationship, don't waste your time or lose sleep over it...they are not worth it...

JMHO

You're good RAB

I hope those words sink in.
 

rockridgecattle

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i guess i am frustrated that my family has money to burn and spend and travel, and they tell me they can not come to the farm (they be city folk) cause they have no money and are too busy. They feel it is easier for me and hubby to go there cause we have no kids, just cows and bees and off farm work. Nothing important. For them it is 9-5, vacation pay, nice homes, kids, hockey, ballet, soccer, tournaments everywhere, and i farm so i have time cause i am self employeed. And summers off cause i drive school bus as well.
Kinda got a little P.O'ed at my one brother about 3 weeks ago. He was telling me he bought some beef from the store. I asked him, did you finish the beef we sold you already (at Christmas). No, we gave the rest away. I don't like meat in the freezer over 3 months old. Thankfully he gave it to one of the brothers going through a hard time and working 2 jobs trying to pay child suppport and be a part time daddy....him i have no problems with not coming cause right now he is trying to make ends meet. (we gave him some meat at Christmas). But the other two brothers...make good coin and spend $ like there is no tomorrow. Kids want for nothing.
One of the brothers felt so guilty at leaving his first child at the other brothers for a few days cause the day home daycare was not available and they both worked. He and his wife walked into Toys "r"Us and said buy anything you want...to a three year old...twice. They took her to the dentist the other time.
back to the meat thing...our meat was grass fed, no hormones, never had a calf, not even 18 months old...maybe close and well below store price. And they traded it in for store bought meat..at three months I am thankful I have meat in the freezer...lol
The they have the audacity to ask when am i coming home for a visit!
Any ways Jo, there is my rant...sleep did not help...lol
 

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