Need Advice

[ffamom]

My son went to see his best friend that is 16 that moved away about 2 years ago. They try to see each other on the long holidays and each summer.

During this visit my son found his 16 year old friend basically living on his own. His dad (functional alcoholic that does still have a job) and his mom had separated. This wouldn't be a problem other than both of them left and left my son's friend alone in the house. The only piece of furniture left was the boy's bed. There was no food to be found in the house. After one day, my son knew it was a bad situation and came home. His friend tries to stay at other peoples house as long as they will have him.

I couldn't find the parents' number so I called the boy's uncle. They tracked down the dad that confirmed everything my son said. The father stated that he thought that the mother was taking care of him. The mother is a manic drepressed woman that just up and leaves for months at a time. He also stated he doesn't think he can take care of him until he gets his drinking under control. However, he told them that he would allow his son to come live with us.

As angry as I am with the parents, this kid is a good kid and deserves a chance to finish high school without having to steal food to eat. Currently, he is working before and after school to cover his expenses, but is barely surviving in high school. I don't know why his father or mother aren't financial supplementing him, but when he asked for help at school they told him that if they reported his parent's he would become a foster kid. Something he doesn't want any part of.

We are thinking about allowing him to live with us. He basically does every summer anyway.

Does anyone have advice or a strong con as to why I shouldn't let him move in?

I

 

[TexasBred]

I can only tell you what WE did. We had a very very similar situation with a young man. In short, we took him in, sent him to college, he graduated in 5 years and is now a music and youth director in a baptist church, married and has two beautiful sons. I don't think we really did anything. It was all him. Maybe we were just lucky with our situation. It sounds like you already have a really good relationship with the young man. Someone has to step up. Best Wishes.

 

[Bluestem]

Sounds like a good kid who could use a break.

 

[GMN]

Sounds like a good opportunity to change someone's life forever,in a good way, and maybe yours too.

GMN

 

[hillsdown]

If you are in a financial position to take him in then I would seriously consider doing it ;but keep in mind the child has serious baggage and will have problems .I suggest therapy as well for him in this case..

If you do decide to become his permanent caregiver ,then bless you and your family. You are truly giving empathetic people.. :heart:

 

[GMN]

One more thing. This is a very sad situation for this boy, I had a friend in similar straits when I was this age too, her parents were both losers, my folks took her in for several months, and it was great, it was like having a sister the same age, the fun we had, plus it taught me alot about how some kids had to live different lives.

She later went back to school got her Bachelors in Social work, and was a social worker for many years, now owns her own business. We are still best buds.

My advice to you, is help this boy anyway you can, no child should have to live alone, fend for himself, and made to feel like they don't matter. Those parents should be locked up with the key thrown away!

GMN

 

[angie1]

I was that kid.
He will never forget what you have done for him if you choose to do this.

For me my only issue was I had been taking care of my self by then for awhile, and was terribly independent. I was not a bad kid and was a hard worker, but I had a hard time living in an environment that had structure and rules all of the sudden. I was respectful and grateful, but there was some bend and compromise. Advise: bend and compromise, respect where he is and how he got there. This does not mean he is allowed to disregard rules of respect and courtesy on your house (Let us know where you are. Let us know when you will be home. Behave as if it is a reflection on our family.), but remember he has been his own keeper for awhile and there will be some tension as he adjusts.

 

[Lammie]

My sons have had friends that I would take in in a heartbeat if I had to do it. It might be better if he stays with family, (uncles, aunts, grandparents?) at some point but for now this seems like an emergency situation. Just be prepared for his mother to show up to claim him at some point. Poor kid. Bless you for doing this. It is the right thing to do under these circumstances. It isn't his fault.

 

[peg4x4]

Step up..You may regret it if you do. You'll always regret it if you don't

 

[john250]

From your post I sense you are strongly considering taking the boy into your home. Bless you if you decide to do the "rescue". Are you thinking of a few meals, or a years long commitment?
If the father would give you "guardianship" over the boy, you could make decisions about medical care should any injury occur. Remember, "injury" and "16 yr old boy" are synonomous.
I hate to bring a legal issue into a decision of the heart, but remember this soon after you sign on.

 

[bigbull338]

do what you feel you have an can do in the boys case.no boy should be alone an have fend for himself.but know that he will have baggage an issues.i dont think yall can turn your back on him.

 

[Jogeephus]

I'd provide him a home not a place to stay. I would treat him as a son and not as a guest. I don't think you would be sorry.

 

[larryshoat]

5: And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Matthew Chapter 18 verse 5, these are the words of the Lord . Matthew Chapter 18 makes good reading regarding children .

Larry

 

[ffamom]

Thank you for your responses. I can't sleep until I know he is safe and not hungry. When he as younger, 2nd grade, he would ride his bike to our house (2 miles away) in the middle of the night when his parents would physically fight.

Hopefully he will be here before we know it.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Ok this last post tells me that this young man considers you a safe place and people he can count on when he needs someone.

 

[CKC1586]

You are doing the right thing. BUT be sure you get some type of guardianship or at least get one of those parents to give you in writing (notarized) authority to act in their behalf in case of an emergency with their son. You will not be able to get him medical attention (if/when he needs it) without that.
Hope you get him home soon.

 

[grannysoo]

Lots of risk, but lots of rewards. Been there, done that.

You have an opportunity to help someone that can change your and their lives forever. They may change for better, they change for worse. You really won't know until after it's all done.

Provided you go into it with the right attitude and stay that way, it will work. But... keep in mind that this child is going to have his share of problems and quirks that just might drive you nuts. It will take a lot of bending and flexing on your part. If you can't do that, then don't start something you can't finish.

Much has been said about medical power of attorney. That is important too. However, keep in mind that when you have this power, you will be signing for any medical treatment. You will also be responsible for the bills that go along with it.........

 

[Wisteria Farms]

It sounds like this is a totally different situation but just BE CAREFUL in everything you do. We had a "situation" with a girl that has some issues (my daughter's friend)....she was BEGGING for attention (not uncommon) only she was making inappropriate remarks to my husband. It made us both very uncomfortable so I told her if she didn't stop she would not be welcome here. She stopped. But then she started saying her father was an alcoholic and she couldn't take it anymore...she'd call saying she'd been kicked out of her house AGAIN and could she come stay...we'd let her stay for a night (mind you during all this we're FREAKED OUT trying to be sure that my husband is NEVER alone with her because she is MESSED UP!!) Well, my daughter kept asking if she could move in and I kept saying "no"...through all this I'm feeling like a total heel for not helping this child...but as I tried to explain to my daughter, some kids you feel like are victims of circumstance (like your son's friend) but others CREATE problems and I just felt like I didn't have it in me to go down that road. So, as some has said, be truthful with yourself as to if you can REALLY do this. I wish there was something I could do for him..he sounds like he really needs the help.

 

[Alice]

FFAmom,

You've known him since at least the second grade...so you KNOW him. Do what is best for you, your family, and then for him. His background is dicey, so don't be surprised if he twists off from time to time. And, then again, because his background is dicey, he might walk the straight and narrow because he WANTS and NEEDS to walk the straight and narrow.

Remember this...should haves and would haves are heck to deal with later in life. Personally, I'd give it a go so I wouldn't have to suffer the should haves and would haves and hope they wouldn't come back to bite me in the butt...but that's just me. Whatever you decide, I'm behind you 100%.

Alice

 

[curtis]

5: And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. Matthew Chapter 18 verse 5, these are the words of the Lord . Matthew Chapter 18 makes good reading regarding children .

Larry

:clap: :clap: :clap: Well said Mr. Larry.
I wouldn't have any choice, i would have to move the kid in.