need advice fast please

[rockridgecattle]

okay i will say it off the bat. I am a terd.

I am deciding weather or not to go to my mother's "celebration of life" on Saturday. Not a memoral not a funeral.
She did not want me in her life these past years and i am invited to this celebration if her family agrees to let me come. I am one of 4 not invited unless the family okays it.
I am right now of the opinion why spend $600 to go to this thing. I get sketchy information at best, and got a face book invite to this thing from my brothers.
If i go i must adhere to her directives, however i do not know what they are except to stress or politics to the family and any mention of God is forbiden...i presume.
My step dad wonders if my brothers would feel abandoned if i do not go. However, I have not heard from them in over a week. When i asked about the details, the questions get ignored. I did ask about finances for this thing since my brothers are dead broke, and all i got was thinking on a potluck to cut costs down. Asked about the other stuff and told i was insensitive and aggressive.
I asked my husband if he would go if he were in my place but he says he does not know,since he never grew up like i did.
I keep checking west jets fares.
What would you do?

RR

 

[HerefordSire]

I wouldn't go.

 

[larryshoat]

I think if you feel that after this is over your relationship with other family members is improved, I would say go . If on the other hand you feel that things will somehow be worse then don't go.

Larry

 

[peg4x4]

Now that is a tough one--I grew up in "Mayberry" so I have no experence with evil kin...You've got to be able to live with yourself. Sit down,think it thro. If I don't go,how will I feel-If I do go,how will I feel-
If you do go,understand there will be no "welcome back into the family,we're sooooo sorry we did you like that"
If it would help settle anything,I'd say go----but it really sounds like it'd kick over a whole bucket of wiggley wormes... As I don't know the story----Well,I think you need to stay with those who love and care for you--Take care in all you do--

 

[1982vett]

Rockridge, I don't know. What I gather from all of this, do what make you happy and feel you need to do. It sounds like that is all you can expect anyway. Best wishes either way.

 

[I luv herfrds]

RR I'm not too sure of what to tell you.
I asked my hubby his thoughts and he said he wouldn't go. I agree with him. Why stress yourself out more to go to this.

 

[LazyARanch]

RR, would you regret it if you didn't go??

If you're looking to make peace with your mother, I think it's much too late. Now you need to find the
peace within yourself FOR yourself.

I would not go myself.... I think it would be stressful beyond reason to have to be "invited if the family agrees". No purpose to be served there, it would be uncomfortable and I think the regrets would be that you DID go. Do let your brothers know that you are thinking of them, and they will always be family.

You can't make folks learn some grace when they have none.

I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you find healing for your heart, and with the family you have in Manitoba.

Hugs,
Vickie

 

[Howdyjabo]

If you are mentally settled and have nothing to resolve- send a big fancy cake and a card wishing her well on her special day. And all your love(you can love someone without liking them).

 

[newrancher]

If the family has to vote on it, send a card. Keep the $599.56 in your pocket.

 

[dun]

Forget it and have a pleasent day or 2 wihout contending with that sort of BS

 

[Lammie]

I do have turd relatives. And I can be somewhat turdlike myself.

Having lost my mother recently, I'd say go. Talk to your brothers and express interest in going if they want you there. I think, though, that if you did not go you would regret it later. You only have one shot at this, so rather than waking up one day and feel lousy about it, go ahead and go. She's your mother, regardless of your relationship with her. It's family.

 

[Jogeephus]

Take two days off and celebrate life at your farm and hope the mailman gets you card there on time.

 

[GMN]

okay i will say it off the bat. I am a terd.

I am deciding weather or not to go to my mother's "celebration of life" on Saturday. Not a memoral not a funeral.
She did not want me in her life these past years and i am invited to this celebration if her family agrees to let me come. I am one of 4 not invited unless the family okays it.
I am right now of the opinion why spend $600 to go to this thing. I get sketchy information at best, and got a face book invite to this thing from my brothers.
If i go i must adhere to her directives, however i do not know what they are except to stress or politics to the family and any mention of God is forbiden...i presume.
My step dad wonders if my brothers would feel abandoned if i do not go. However, I have not heard from them in over a week. When i asked about the details, the questions get ignored. I did ask about finances for this thing since my brothers are dead broke, and all i got was thinking on a potluck to cut costs down. Asked about the other stuff and told i was insensitive and aggressive.
I asked my husband if he would go if he were in my place but he says he does not know,since he never grew up like i did.
I keep checking west jets fares.
What would you do?

RR

They invited you on facebook, I think says it all. Send a card and remember the better times with your Mom, as she was before all the hurt and anger.

GMN

 

[S&WSigma40VEShooter]

I wouldn't go.

Me either.

 

[Calman]

If it came to a vote for me to visit my family they would just have to do without me.
If she did not want you in her life why would she want to have a celebration of her life with you there?

And a facebook invitation instead of a personal one,that just sounds like they didn't want to invite you but felt they had too.

I believe I'd take a couple of days of and enjoy the family at home where you are loved and wanted.

Just my thoughts Cal

 

[dun]

They're only family by accident of birth. Your friends are the ones you choose.

 

[S&WSigma40VEShooter]

They're only family by accident of birth. Your friends are the ones you choose.

Yeah there are alot of people around here that have family by accidental births.

 

[alisonb]

RR-I believe your answer lies within the reason why your mother has not wanted to see you these past years. It could have been due to a frivolous argument and ego's were involved or it could go way deeper.
Life is too short to have regrets. The question is will you regret not going?

 

[grannysoo]

A facebook invitation deserves a facebook rejection. When all of you get older, then perhaps everyone will want to get along.

 

[Jim62]

Send a nice card, and then have a glass of wine to celebrate YOUR life.

I spent most of my life trying to do what everyone else thought was the right thing to do. Usually didn't work out too well. Now I do what I think is the right thing to do. And everybody else can just take it or leave it.