More redneck, if the shoe fits..........

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Well-known member
Dec 28, 2003
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MO Ozarks
You might be a redneck addicted to the world of computers if...

If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.
Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.
Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail money.
Ya think a hard drive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.
Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spit can.
Ya think a surge suppressor is a pill for diarrhea.
Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.
Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.
Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.
Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.
Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.
Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.
Ya play Frisbee with yer CD Rom's.
Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.
When birds fly across yer screen ya reach for yer shotgun.
Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.
Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.
Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.
Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.
Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.
Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.
Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.
Ya see the word "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.
Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.
Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.
Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.
Brand new 2004 edition of "You know you're a redneck when..."

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with
a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the
high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they
don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your
father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
"Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000.00
worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on
jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

And last, but not least...

31. Someone tells you that you've got something in your teeth,
so you take them out to see what it is.
Your a redneck if...

you empty out the bed of yur truck by driving backards real fast and slamming on the brakes.

it does work. i've tried it.

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