Miss Mattie.

[Warren Allison]

Scott called me this morning. He had gotten a call from Zeke, saying he couldn't get his "Momma" up. We think she was his great-grandmother, actually. Scott went over there, and she had been in the arms of Jesus for a while, Scott said she was already cold. Thinking back, when I talked to her sitting under her oak tree yesterday, she seemed tired or depressed. I figured it was the heat and humidity. I should have stayed a while longer and gotten her to go to ER or Urgent Care or something, I guess.

Finest woman I ever knew, She never had a dime to her name, but she enriched the lives of everyone who got to know her. All she ever did...was give. Mostly her time and her love....she never had anything else as far as material possessions. . Zeke said he never heard a word out of her once they went to bed. She passed in her sleep. She told me again yesterday, that I was one of her "chillen" and so was Scott, and she was so glad me and Scott would be there for Zeke, if something ever happened to her., Makes me wonder if she knew....

 

[TCRanch]

She knew. And no "should have's". Would she have wanted that? Sorry for your loss, and especially Zeke, but you have certainly been blessed.

 

[gman4691]

Sorry to hear about that. Zeke's probably going to need someone close…he may not fully understand it all.

 

[greybeard]

My grandmother once told me "Mourn a birth and rejoice in a death".
I was fairly young and didn't really understand what she mean, but I do now.
I am sorry for your loss, and can't really say here what I'd like to because of the 'keep religion out of other threads' thing but Our Maker calls his children home when he feels they've struggled and suffered enough in this old world. Your Miss Mattie has left here and gone to a place where there is no hardship.

Fear no more the heat o' the sun,
Nor the furious winter's rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

Fear no more the frown o' the great;
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke;
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning flash,
Nor the all-dreaded thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finish'd joy and moan:
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have;
And renowned be thy grave!

Cymbeline (Act IV: scene ii)

 

[Warren Allison]

My grandmother once told me "Mourn a birth and rejoice in a death".
I was fairly young and didn't really understand what she mean, but I do now.
I am sorry for your loss, and can't really say here what I'd like to because of the 'keep religion out of other threads' thing but Our Maker calls his children home when he feels they've struggled and suffered enough in this old world. Your Miss Mattie has left here and gone to a place where there is no hardship.

I like that poem! Yeah, even when you know someone was saved you still gonna miss them. But I remember a preacher saying one time: " If God gave you the power to bring them back here alive, but you could see them now there in Heaven, you wouldn't do it, You'd leave them there." Scott and I both are feeling some regret and guilt. We were talking last night...we have made an obscene amount of money off that Corr operation, and not even counting what we make on our "regular" jobs/businesses. We could have and should have, built her a nice, comfortable, modern house to live in. We could have and should have hired a full time caretaker for her. We tied it when she got home from the hospital after that s.o,b. broke in and beat her and Zeke up, but as soon as she could get up, she ran her off. And when Zeke got ate by the hog, they sent a home health nurse over to change his dressings, keep them clean, and she tried to do stuff around the house, but Mattie ran her off too. We could have, and maybe should have, just got a court order for custody of her and did it anyway, but that would have killed her spirit, and that would be even worse. It is just a big mess.

 

[Warren Allison]

She knew. And no "should have's". Would she have wanted that? Sorry for your loss, and especially Zeke, but you have certainly been blessed.

When I left out Saturday, Zeke was gonna ride back with Clay, and they were gonna pull an all-nighter on the lake catfishing. I had just got on the interstate when Clay called and said " Well, Zeke decided not to come. He was standing there looking like he was gonna cry, lip all pooched out, looking real said". Clay asked him what was wrong, and he told Clay that he really didn't want to go fishing, that he wanted to stay there with Mattie. So, Clay told him that maybe next time, and came on home. Now, I wonder if somehow he knew, too. I know that is impossible, but you sometimes let emotions take over from reason. I am glad, though, that he wasn't up here when I got that phone call from Scott.. 2 and 1/2 hours away. Plus, no one might have found her til Zeke got home Sunday. and in that heat and humidity, that would have been a horrible thing.

 

[TexasJerseyMilker]

Miss Mattie was such a remarkable woman, overflowing with kindness and love. You had to trick her into accepting any kind of help. I always felt happy and uplifted to read the things you wrote about her. A tear is running down my face now.

 

[Warren Allison]

Sorry to hear about that. Zeke's probably going to need someone close…he may not fully understand it all.

He understands about death, etc. About like a 12 yr old would, which is about the same as an adult would. I am drawing a blank on the guy's name.... But, the Mexican that helps Scott and Bonito, his wife, stayed with him in Mattie's house last night. She had come over to change the sheets, etc., in Mattie's bed, and Zeke asked them if they wanted to spend the night, and they did. Scott said if they want to just move in and live there that it would be fine, They have a mobile home on Scott's place, and have had a daughter with 3 kids living with them for a while. They can stay in the trailer, and everyone will have more room!

The vultures have already started: Some "relatives" (but you don't know if they really are. None of them ever came to see Mattie or Zeke, except the time DFACS tried to get Mattie put in a nursing home) . They wanted then, and want now, to get Zeke because they think they can get a hold of his trust fund. Scott said with Bonito there, they won't be able to come over and try to coerce Zeke into going with them. She is 1/2 Seminole, and you'd have an easier time, and lose a lot less blood and body parts, if you tried to steal a cub from a momma grizzly! Bonito always has a fileting knife on her side, and I suspect she knows how to use it!

 

[greybeard]

I like that poem! Yeah, even when you know someone was saved you still gonna miss them. But I remember a preacher saying one time: " If God gave you the power to bring them back here alive, but you could see them now there in Heaven, you wouldn't do it, You'd leave them there." Scott and I both are feeling some regret and guilt. We were talking last night...we have made an obscene amount of money off that Corr operation, and not even counting what we make on our "regular" jobs/businesses. We could have and should have, built her a nice, comfortable, modern house to live in. We could have and should have hired a full time caretaker for her. We tied it when she got home from the hospital after that s.o,b. broke in and beat her and Zeke up, but as soon as she could get up, she ran her off. And when Zeke got ate by the hog, they sent a home health nurse over to change his dressings, keep them clean, and she tried to do stuff around the house, but Mattie ran her off too. We could have, and maybe should have, just got a court order for custody of her and did it anyway, but that would have killed her spirit, and that would be even worse. It is just a big mess.

There's so much I could say and tell you about that, and it's a VERY recent experience with a close relative, but under attorney advice, I am not able to post anything more in public. I'll just say it's not legally easy (or cheap) and SHE must to be willing to go along with it in at least a minum way.

 

[greybeard]

And DON'T knock yourself emotionally nuts with 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' . You have to look at things from her point of view. If she was happy where and how she was, then no one can ask for more.

(We often get into what 'we' want for someone..and ourselves in the process.. and forget to some extent what makes them content.)
BTDT

 

[Warren Allison]

And DON'T knock yourself emotionally nuts with 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' . You have to look at things from her point of view. If she was happy where and how she was, then no one can ask for more.

(We often get into what 'we' want for someone..and ourselves in the process.. and forget to some extent what makes them content.)
BTDT

I know what you are saying. And yeah, to have absolutely NOTHING.. and considering how hard she grew up in her 96 (we found out yesterday) years. it is incredible at how happy this poor woman was. And how deep and unshakable her faith was. It kills me , though, to think of the pain she lived with these past couple of years, after that beating. If I could , I'd drag that s.o.b. outa hell and kill him all over again every day. Mattie? Even that first day in the hospital, when she'd wake up, all she did was pray for him, and say she forgives him. Hell of a lot better person than I will ever be. Each and every time you went by there, or did anything for her, she wouldn't have it any other way, than to send you home with something she had canned, Or cooked. Or brewed or distilled!! LOL . She worried this summer, about not being able to a do lot of that like she used to....worried she wouldn't have anything to give!

We were talking yesterday, about when she asked me and Scott to stop by one day . She had a cigar box with some dollars and change in it. We had decided to feed out that Brahma/Chianina/ Corriente ugly steer for her and Zeke. BHUt, Zeke had made a pet out of it...got to where he could lead it around with kids on it and give them a ride. She asked us if we would not do that...that they didn't really eat a lot of beef anyway, because Zeke was so attached to it. I said sure...but we will just go buy one somewhere and feed it out instead. She used a lot of ground beef for her chili, soup, spaghetti and Brunswick stew, and cubes for her beef stew. She went in her room and came back with that box , and said: "There is nearly $50 in here, I want y'all to let me buy that steer, if you are bound and determined to get one. You boys are too good to us. " That broke my heart. There was no way in hell I would have took that money! Scott pulled me aside and said:" No, let her have some pride and dignity. Let her buy the steer for that $50. ( I think we paid $750..don't remember), and we will just find a way to get it back to her." It made her so happy when she handed me that box. About killed me, though, for her to do that. This was money she had gotten from the rare occasion she sold someone some of her goods, though most of it she gave away). I would get to thinking about how hard it was for that woman to do all of that cooking and canning, etc. , in those hot, humid south GA summers...and it would bother me. But, Scott's old lady said " You aren't around when she is doing that stuff. She sings gospel songs at the top of her lungs, grinning like a possum the whole time she is doing all of that!"

Mattie had pictures of angels hanging all over her house, and some little ceramic statues, etc. and every time, or lots of times, when I'd see one somewhere I would bring it to her. She'd say from time to time: " You know... all angels ain't that pretty, or look like that. I know two that look like the ugliest ole cowboys you ever seen!" Well, Scott and I don't feel like angels at all, letting her just die in her house with just Zeke there...knowing we could have done more, but didn't. To me, an angel looks like a 6' tall, 300lb, 90+ year old black lady.

 

[TCRanch]

Now, I wonder if somehow he knew, too. I know that is impossible, but you sometimes let emotions take over from reason.

Not impossible, and he knew. She may have said something, he may have noticed or felt something. I always say, "trust your gut". That applies to essentially everything that no science can quantify.

 

[gman4691]

If she was anything like my father, dying at home peacefully in her sleep was probably the best way to go. That's why Mom and I took care of him in his own house until the end - we were both there holding his hands when he passed. He would have been miserable in a nursing home or hospital. I suspect Mattie was the same way. Don't sweat the could've, would've, should've stuff…she was probably more content to die at home than she would've been anywhere else. You've got the memories to keep alive and had the rare chance to have known someone truly special - that's a rare thing these days. Celebrate the life she lived and let her unshakeable faith be an inspiration. Sometimes those who have the least appreciate life the most. Condolences, sir.

 

[farmerjan]

My heart aches for the loss in Zeke's life... and worrying about what will happen to him... I know you and Scott will do WHATEVER it takes to give him the best life but will the "authorities" let you? I hope she had some provisions made, legally, for Zeke's future... Please let us know how things are going... Tears for those left behind... she is safe and happy, in the arms of the lord she believed in...

 

[puzzled in oregon]

@Warren Allison
Guardian and Conservator


I realize Zeke's situation is different than what is referenced below and I also suspect you already have a lot knowledge on this topic.

"In reality, Georgia is the only U.S. state that lets a child choose who takes physical custody of them. Even then, the child must be 14 or older, and their choice must be approved by a judge."

"Georgia law sets the youngest age. It says children 11 and up can share their thoughts with the court. (And, remember, Georgia kids at least 14 years old can choose which parent to live with, although a judge can override the choice if necessary.)"

 

[TexasJerseyMilker]

How old is Zeke?

 

[GoWyo]

You could maybe petition for guardianship/conservatorship of Zeke if he is not capable of living on his own and managing his finances. Do it before the state comes knocking and trying to take him away.

 

[Warren Allison]

How old is Zeke?

I think he is 19 now. If not., it won't be too long til; he is.

 

[Warren Allison]

My heart aches for the loss in Zeke's life... and worrying about what will happen to him... I know you and Scott will do WHATEVER it takes to give him the best life but will the "authorities" let you? I hope she had some provisions made, legally, for Zeke's future... Please let us know how things are going... Tears for those left behind... she is safe and happy, in the arms of the lord she believed in...

Well, when she was in the hospital after getting beat up, and Zeke may have been just 17 then, some of his relatives tried to get custody, and when they found out they couldn't get a hold of the trust fund money we had, they gave up. And when that DFACS dude from Atlanta came to her house after she got home, and brought the nursing home owner, to try to get Mattie...the sheriff, a judge and a retired judge, 2 doctors, the entire congregation of her church, and TWO MCs all showed up. They didn't get her either! Since Zeke turned 18, his SSI check started to instead of Mattie. He can wash clothes, cook, reads on about a middle school level, is good at simple math...doesn't do algebra, tri, calculus etc., I was watching Forrest Gump last night, and that is about how Zeke is mentally. He is just very tender-hearted and a little too trusting of adults. But Scott and his wife are there, and carry him to town if he needs to go. And that couple that works for Scott, that is staying at Mattie's house with him , carry him places too. At least once a week, some of the members of both MCs come by to check on him, and will take him to town to get ice cream or a burger or something, so he is rarely alone where someone could try to talk him into anything. after he and Mattie got beat up like that, I tried to teach him to fight...tried to make him a little more aggressive and tougher, but he would just cry and ask me why I was being mean,.,. what did he do etc., so I gave up. One of the black MC officers is an instructor and has a dojo, and he tried to give him martial arts lessons, but Zeke would just stand there and let little kids whup him, so he gave up too. But, the boy is under the protection of TWO motorcycle clubs, so he is as safe from physical harm as any human can be. Several of the lawyers that always came to our dove shoot as well as the judge and the retired the judge, are just a phone call away..so he is ok legally. Neither me or Scott either one can touch that trust fund account...except to make deposits! One of my granddaughters, Scott's grandson, and the grandson of the retired judge (who is a lawyer) are the account trustees. We did it that way because me and Scott probably don't have too much longer to be around....certainly won't out live Zeke. He gets a small SSI check,, just a few hundred dollars a month, and he gets money from helping with the produce stand up at the truck stop...so he doesn't ever need anything out of that trust so far. Anything he and Mattie ever needed, as far as clothes, food, whatever, me or Scott aways paid for anyway. Every once in a while, when Scott's wife took Mattie and Zeke to Kroger, Walmart or something, if what they got was less than 50 dollars, we'd let her pay it, because she wanted to. She knew that 5th Avenue is my favorite candy, so she'd get some when she could,. and keep them in the fridge for me til the next time I came! I'd say: "Thanks Miss Mattie, how much were they? I want to pay you back for getting them for me." That would piss her off, and she'd get a broom or something after me, and tell me to "just git on out of here! I can buy some candy for my chillens if I want to!" It was sorta a game we played.

Man, replying to this, I just all of a sudden have started really missing her bad. And feeling even worse abut us not doing enough for her. I am gonna let this thread sit a while til maybe after supper tonight.

 

[farmerjan]

Well, when she was in the hospital after getting beat up, and Zeke may have been just 17 then, some of his relatives tried to get custody, and when they found out they couldn't get a hold of the trust fund money we had, they gave up. And when that DFACS dude from Atlanta came to her house after she got home, and brought the nursing home owner, to try to get Mattie...the sheriff, a judge and a retired judge, 2 doctors, the entire congregation of her church, and TWO MCs all showed up. They didn't get her either! Since Zeke turned 18, his SSI check started to instead of Mattie. He can wash clothes, cook, reads on about a middle school level, is good at simple math...doesn't do algebra, tri, calculus etc., I was watching Forrest Gump last night, and that is about how Zeke is mentally. He is just very tender-hearted and a little too trusting of adults. But Scott and his wife are there, and carry him to town if he needs to go. And that couple that works for Scott, that is staying at Mattie's house with him , carry him places too. At least once a week, some of the members of both MCs come by to check on him, and will take him to town to get ice cream or a burger or something, so he is rarely alone where someone could try to talk him into anything. after he and Mattie got beat up like that, I tried to teach him to fight...tried to make him a little more aggressive and tougher, but he would just cry and ask me why I was being mean,.,. what did he do etc., so I gave up. One of the black MC officers is an instructor and has a dojo, and he tried to give him martial arts lessons, but Zeke would just stand there and let little kids whup him, so he gave up too. But, the boy is under the protection of TWO motorcycle clubs, so he is as safe from physical harm as any human can be. Several of the lawyers that always came to our dove shoot as well as the judge and the retired the judge, are just a phone call away..so he is ok legally. Neither me or Scott either one can touch that trust fund account...except to make deposits! One of my granddaughters, Scott's grandson, and the grandson of the retired judge (who is a lawyer) are the account trustees. We did it that way because me and Scott probably don't have too much longer to be around....certainly won't out live Zeke. He gets a small SSI check,, just a few hundred dollars a month, and he gets money from helping with the produce stand up at the truck stop...so he doesn't ever need anything out of that trust so far. Anything he and Mattie ever needed, as far as clothes, food, whatever, me or Scott aways paid for anyway. Every once in a while, when Scott's wife took Mattie and Zeke to Kroger, Walmart or something, if what they got was less than 50 dollars, we'd let her pay it, because she wanted to. She knew that 5th Avenue is my favorite candy, so she'd get some when she could,. and keep them in the fridge for me til the next time I came! I'd say: "Thanks Miss Mattie, how much were they? I want to pay you back for getting them for me." That would piss her off, and she'd get a broom or something after me, and tell me to "just git on out of here! I can buy some candy for my chillens if I want to!" It was sorta a game we played.

Man, replying to this, I just all of a sudden have started really missing her bad. And feeling even worse abut us not doing enough for her. I am gonna let this thread sit a while til maybe after supper tonight.

You guys were there for her without taking away her dignity or self sufficiency... that is the best you could have done. Sure maybe some more little things... but they were just not that important to her. Taking care of Zeke is what was and still is important to her... to do it to the best of her ability, teach him what she could and he was capable of learning, and knowing he had others that would take up for him if necessary.
You are doing it... that is enough for her...