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MERMAID OR WHALE

Tommy Ruyle

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Recently, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It was titled:

¨THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?¨
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern:

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, inquisitive humans). They have an active sex life, they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins, stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia . Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and have virtually no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, Not to mention, how could they have sex? Just look at them... where is IT ? Consequently, they don't have kids either. Who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish? The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media pushes the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my grandchildren, a good dinner with a man who loves me no matter what, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.

With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it attaches to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't fat or heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think ¨Oh my, just look how smart I am¨. :lol: :lol:
 

jw

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Sounds like she is a real smart a$$.
 

Lammie

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Sometimes you feel like a whale... I've had those moments. I've reached the age where I am happy with the way I look. I'm in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in.
 

grannysoo

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Lammie":2j5ohqro said:
Sometimes you feel like a whale... I've had those moments. I've reached the age where I am happy with the way I look. I'm in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in.

Reminds me of Toby singing - "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was!"
 

peg4x4

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I'm a whale-I have a full life,friends and would like to travel. Don't sing,do whistle. Wouldn't be one of those who chew each bite of tofu a hundred times. Besides,if one of your cows/horses/dogs looked like one of those "Models",you'd be in front of a judge.
 

BeefmasterB

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peg4x4":3g9pipxl said:
I'm a whale-I have a full life,friends and would like to travel. Don't sing,do whistle. Wouldn't be one of those who chew each bite of tofu a hundred times. Besides,if one of your cows/horses/dogs looked like one of those "Models",you'd be in front of a judge.

None of my mermaids look like cows/horses or dogs but those scales sure do hurt, Ouch!!!
 

peg4x4

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Be glad your mermaids aren't part boxfish..they're all prickley :D
 

lavacarancher

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Married to a mermaid 45 years ago and didn't have any trouble finding "it". She's now a whale (so am I) and sometimes I have a little trouble finding "it". No problem though, I just roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
 

Lammie

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alacattleman":20sl065m said:
peg4x4":20sl065m said:
Be glad your mermaids aren't part boxfish..they're all prickley :D
my mermaid would be a pondfed,, hard too beat a big ol' cornfed gal :p

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
lavacarancher":20sl065m said:
Married to a mermaid 45 years ago and didn't have any trouble finding "it". She's now a whale (so am I) and sometimes I have a little trouble finding "it". No problem though, I just roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

If my husband said that I don't know if I'd laugh or scale him.
 

john250

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Lammie":2ims4ozo said:
alacattleman":2ims4ozo said:
peg4x4":2ims4ozo said:
Be glad your mermaids aren't part boxfish..they're all prickley :D
my mermaid would be a pondfed,, hard too beat a big ol' cornfed gal :p

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
lavacarancher":2ims4ozo said:
Married to a mermaid 45 years ago and didn't have any trouble finding "it". She's now a whale (so am I) and sometimes I have a little trouble finding "it". No problem though, I just roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

If my husband said that I don't know if I'd laugh or scale him.

If this is a poll, I'd guess you'd scale him. And send him to the barn for a spell.
 

backhoeboogie

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THe old saying, "Beauty is skin deep but ugly runs to the bone" comes to mind while reading this thread.
 

peg4x4

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Well,there's ugly then there's ugly-Outside ugly "My face? I don't mind it,because I'm behind it. It's the folks out in front that I jar." :shock:
Inside ugly? Madoff,spammers,such come to mind.
How many inside ugly people do you know of?
 

BeefmasterB

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peg4x4":2eb6k7gw said:
Well,there's ugly then there's ugly-Outside ugly "My face? I don't mind it,because I'm behind it. It's the folks out in front that I jar." :shock:
Inside ugly? Madoff,spammers,such come to mind.
How many inside ugly people do you know of?

I would have to do a count but it wouldn't be all that many. Anyway, for some reason this all brings to mind that song "Smiling Faces Sometimes" by Norman Whitfield. Sometimes those mermaids turn out to be carp - they eat everything. :lol2:
 
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