Medical Power of Attorney or ?

[Stocker Steve]

I have a family member who is in their mid 80s, often not making wise choices, and heavily influenced by the last person spoken too. Four of my siblings are "helping" by discussing health care options with the patient several times per week. Will filling out a Medical Power of Attorney reduce the amount of confusion, or is there a better approach?

 

[Caustic Burno]

I have a family member who is in their mid 80s, often not making wise choices, and heavily influenced by the last person spoken too. Four of my siblings are "helping" by discussing health care options with the patient several times per week. Will filling out a Medical Power of Attorney reduce the amount of confusion, or is there a better approach?

Depends on the competence of the individual you might have to go before a judge.
When dad was in the early stages of Alzheimer's I had to go before a judge to get it. This is to protect you as well as your elderly relatives.

 

[slick4591]

You might want to look into a Durable Power of Attorney.

 

[Chocolate Cow]

My late parents assigned me their Medical Power of Attorney. Are you sure you want that responsibility? What is your current relationship with this person? Are you wanting MPOA as a way to prevent the others from interfering or influencing this person? Are you ready for the phone calls at all hours of night/day regarding this person? Are you ready to assume all health care issues? Once you have this power, will other family members still be willing to help with care of this individual? Will this person accept you as his/her primary health advisor? Once you have Medical PoA, you need to be aware of finances because they go hand-in-hand. My Mother became very hostile towards the rest home staff. She refused to eat. I got calls all the time requesting I "do something with her". Other family members became enablers, encouraging her to be more disruptive, which generated more calls to me from the Home. Mom wanted her own wheel chair but I couldn't approve it because I didn't know Mom & Dad's finances. My brother was the only one allowed that information. I finally requested our family attorney designate my brother as their Medical PoA. That eliminated the phone calls but when Mom's death was near, no one called so I could be there. I did get an email later that night telling me she was gone.
I understand you are trying to be protective.

 

[Brute 23]

No good way to handle it. Just went down that road.

 

[dun]

All we have are standard wills and advance medical directives.

 

[Stocker Steve]

All we have are standard wills and advance medical directives.

Same here. Given a number of recent issues I think we need PoA. I think seperate financial and medical power of attorneys should be considered. Right now the debates and delays and scheduling conferences are reducing the quality of care. Have you ever seen seperate PoAs work well?

Great link and some good tips.

 

[Stocker Steve]

Other family members became enablers, encouraging her to be more disruptive, which generated more calls to me from the Home. Mom wanted her own wheel chair but I couldn't approve it because I didn't know Mom & Dad's finances. My brother was the only one allowed that information. I finally requested our family attorney designate my brother as their Medical PoA.

Sounds very difficult. Were your folks OK with signing the Medical PoA change?

 

[Caustic Burno]

All we have are standard wills and advance medical directives.

Same here. Given a number of recent issues I think we need PoA. I think seperate financial and medical power of attorneys should be considered. Right now the debates and delays and scheduling conferences are reducing the quality of care. Have you ever seen seperate PoAs work well?

Great link and some good tips.

Had them on mom and dad .
You better really trust someone as you are turning over your life and what you worked for to someone else.
They can take or sell everything you own with a POA.

 

[D2Cat]

"They can take or sell everything you own with a POA."

And they may end up in deep trouble. They have a fiduciary responsibility that holds them accountable for their decisions. They must act in the best interest of the party they represent.

 

[Chocolate Cow]

Sounds very difficult. Were your folks OK with signing the Medical PoA change?

I am the oldest of three children. Mom & Dad assigned the Medical Power of Attorney to me years before it was needed. Their mental and physical health seemed to deteriorate at an equal pace.

I received many calls from the nursing home asking for help with Mom. Dad wasn't a problem but Mom took up the slack. She had gotten so ugly, the Home requested a meeting of everyone connected with my parents. At that meeting were my parents, our lawyer, my brother, my sister on conference call, and all heads of every department of the nursing home-dietary, housekeeping, physical therapy, finance, etc. Everyone had a complaint or 10 about Mom. She was completely indifferent to what was going on. During that meeting, she said she wanted her own wheel chair. I asked about the possibility and the price was given at somewhere around $1500. Did they have the money? I had no idea but my brother knew. I turned to the lawyer and said, I am not allowed enough information to do my job effectively. He questioned Mom & Dad if they would consider the change and they agreed. Everyone signed a new Medical PoA and it was a done deal. I have no idea if the calls continued because from that point on, I was very effectively divorced from my family. Mom & Dad had, in one way or another, turned everything over to my brother. This was the only aspect of their life I was involved in.

It's tremendous responsibility for the designated Medical PoA person. You may be the one to 'pull the plug'. You'll have the final say-so in the final days. And, may have to defend those decisions to the rest of the family and community.

 

[Caustic Burno]

"They can take or sell everything you own with a POA."

And they may end up in deep trouble. They have a fiduciary responsibility that holds them accountable for their decisions. They must act in the best interest of the party they represent.

Who is going to file the complaint mom or dad thrown away in the home.
Many of those people never see family again.
If they are smart enough to dispose of the money and assets before the Medicaid window that is what takes care of mom and dad.

 

[D2Cat]

Maybe if the family is that screwed up the folks need a trust and let someone independent of the family make decisions as outlined in the trust. A bank trust department would do better then that!

 

[Chocolate Cow]

My parents had a Trust but they were in control of that Trust as long as they were alive. They made all decisions and would unless they were found incompetent. The family attorney who attended the health meeting was the independent Trustee. Mom passed away first and my brother assumed her Trustee position. My Dad passed away 4 months later and my son became Trustee #2. The Independent remained the same.
Open conversation within the family is the best 'medicine'. Healthy family relations avoids drama and confrontation. Important information can't be a secret.

 

[Caustic Burno]

Maybe if the family is that screwed up the folks need a trust and let someone independent of the family make decisions as outlined in the trust. A bank trust department would do better then that!

Happens way more than people think.
I was a volunteer Ombudsmen back in the late 90's.
It's very educational in a pathetic way.

 

[Stocker Steve]

Had the family meeting. Full Power of Attorney was rejected outright. Side comments were to the effect that a quick clean death was hoped for.
Medical Power of Attorney was proposed as a just in case baby step. This is being considered. Any supporting benefit statements or tips that you can share?

 

[Rafter S]

If you do go with the Medical Power of Attorney just make sure the person appointed is emotionally prepared, and emotionally strong enough, to make difficult decisions. I'm looking at a situation right now where I won't go into the details, but believe me, that matters.

And I by no means mean that as a knock against anyone that doesn't meet those guidelines.

 

[cbcr]

I guess I was lucky. My Mom had both my sister and myself assigned with the Power of Attorney. As for her medical part she had a directive of "Do not resuscitate", which was if she was not going to have any quality of life and more or less be a vegetable to let her go.

Even though my sister and i didn't always see eye to eye on lots of things, when it came to Mom's health we usually both agreed. However, Mom sometimes had different thoughts to ours which made some thing different to figure out how to deal with it, but we made it thru. She passed peacefully and we did our best to make her last few months as comfortable and happy as was possible. My sister works in a Nursing Home so for many things it was easier for her to deal with some things that it would have been for me.

Sometimes family members can have different thoughts about the care. As much as we want them to and try, we can keep them forever. But individuals and family members involved must work together and have the best interest of the individual at heart difficult as it sometimes may be.

 

[Caustic Burno]

If you do go with the Medical Power of Attorney just make sure the person appointed is emotionally prepared, and emotionally strong enough, to make difficult decisions. I'm looking at a situation right now where I won't go into the details, but believe me, that matters.

And I by no means mean that as a knock against anyone that doesn't meet those guidelines.

I am still haunted by some of the decisions I had to make with dad.
Placing a DNR on someone comes with some heavy memories to deal with.
That was 15 years ago and June 6, 2002 is a day that will haunt me till I die.

 

[dun]

If you do go with the Medical Power of Attorney just make sure the person appointed is emotionally prepared, and emotionally strong enough, to make difficult decisions. I'm looking at a situation right now where I won't go into the details, but believe me, that matters.

And I by no means mean that as a knock against anyone that doesn't meet those guidelines.

I am still haunted by some of the decisions I had to make with dad.
Placing a DNR on someone comes with some heavy memories to deal with.
That was 15 years ago and June 6, 2002 is a day that will haunt me till I die.

Not the same but similar. To this day the only regrets I have concerns my dad suffering while they wouldnt allow him to die.