Medical Calamities

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lavacarancher

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A man comes running into the ER and yells "my wife is going to have a baby in the cab". The resident on duty grabs his bag and rushes out to the cab and lifts a lady's dress and began taking off her underwear. He then realizes there are three cabs parked and he was in the wrong one! :shock:

Once I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later I heard her reporting to family members that he had died of a "massive internal fart".

One I can relate to .....

During a patients two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist he informed me that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one," I asked. "The patch", he replied. "The nurse told me to put a new one on every six hours and I'm running out of places to put them". I had him quickly undress and much to my chagrin he had over fifty patches on his body. The instructions now read "remove the old patch before applying a new one".

A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a mohawk, sporting several tattoos and wearing strange clothes, entered. It was quickly determined that she had acute appendicitis. When she was completely disrobed on the OR table the staff noticed she had dyed her pubic hair bright green and above it was a tattoo that read "keep off the grass". When the procedure was complete the Dr. wrote a note on her dressing ...."Sorry, I had to mow the lawn".

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB I was always quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I developed a habit of whistling softly. A middle aged lady on whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing. This embarrassed me further and I looked up from my work and said "I'm sorry, was I tickling you"? She replied, with tears of laughter running down her cheeks, "No, doctor but the song you were whistling was "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener .....".

Last one, I promise...

While acquainting my self with a new, elderly patient I asked, "Have you ever been sick"? She asks, "Well, what do you mean". "Well, have you ever been bedridden"? She reply's "Oh yes, hundreds of times when my husband was alive but you can't put that in your report?.
 

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