Looking for Some Answers...

[rkm]

Victoria and Skyline, excellent posts.

 

[Calman]

There's just so much corruption out there in the world today,raising children is one of the hardest jobs in the world. When I raised my children I thought it was bad but it didn't hold a candle to the corruption available to a child's ever day life now.TV and our corrupt holoywood is one of the biggest influence out there. You have young kids on tv show's making some smart remark and then the laugh track which is telling kids it;s alright to do this.Then in about every movie ya see before it's over ya have two people having sex together.Then you have the killings, robbings,drugs and so on.And usally all this goes unsupervised by a parent.
Then you have the computer .Any child can get on the computer and bring up corruption.Don't even have to look for it. All ya gotta do is search for about anything and some kind of porno will come up.
Also let's not forget video games.They are almost all about fighting or killing.
And let's not rule out our song writers,singers and producers with songs that have words in them that even a sailor wouldn't say and are also available to our kids.
The list of corruption in todays world would make a large book.

As you can tell I see all the wrongs in the world but I just don't know the right's to fix it.
But I do believe it will have a BIG fix someday,and some of us aint gonna like the way it will be done.

Cal

 

[Caustic Burno]

I was watching this show the other night on PBS about kids and technology, and although I find the internet useful, I do believe it is not always the best thing for kids, and this show was like WOW, these kids need to get a life and get rid of their computers/cell phones, etc... I think MYSpace, and certain other sites are addicting to kids and cause them problems, did you all ever hear of cyber bullying? It blew me away, just how many kids get bullied via the internet, and sadly some actually kill themselves over it, and then the parents wonder why? I do think some parents are clueless, try to be their kids friends, when they need to be parents, set boundaries, have rules and discipline, and interact with their kids, not let them do whatever, wherever.

GMN

Parenting is a full time partcipation job to be done even half ass right . What I see today is what can I do to get them in somrthing so I don't have to deal with them. Another huge breakdown is Mom having to work outside the home. I don't think the world had a clue how important that job was.

 

[rkm]

The problem is that we now have a couple of generations with mom not at home. The family as we knew it has been destroyed. Can we have the family values that we remember ever again?

 

[dun]

The problem is that we now have a couple of generations with mom not at home. The family as we knew it has been destroyed. Can we have the family values that we remember ever again?

This is a new situation. Started during WWII and has just escolated through the years. It's all the fault of "Rosie the riveter", or maybe hitler.

 

[CKC1586]

The problem is that we now have a couple of generations with mom not at home. The family as we knew it has been destroyed. Can we have the family values that we remember ever again?

I doubt it. There are too many outside influences. Whether Mom is home or not. TV commercials alone are a nightmare. I don't particularly think it is appropriate for some of those products to be advertised on TV. I don't like my little grand daughter asking me what is Viagra, what is a tampon, why is that lady in her underwear, what is herpes, etc etc. and these are aired during the day. What they see and hear at school is out of our control, the school bus is another issue. On and on. Look at the crap they put on the news! I don't care if Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or whoever is in or out of rehab or who she is sleeping with and certainly don't think it should be on the 6:00 news. Don't they have something better to report? I wouldn't let my kids watch the Simpsons because it was so disrespectful. Look at the crap that is marketed toward kids. Have you tuned into Saturday morning cartoons?? They need to be screened before you let the little ones watch, in my opinion.
Take it easy on single Moms. There are just too many of us that were put in that situation through no fault of our own. Sometimes stuff happens. You pick yourself up dust yourself off and do the best you can. I was lucky I had my Mom and Dad for my support system (moral NOT financial so don't go there) and thank the good lord my Dad was able to be a strong male influence for my son. We had some bumps but made it through. They are productive citizens today.
So, I guess we as grand parents have a big responsibility too. Be involved in their lives and be as positive an influence as we can. Those of you that are raising your grand kids, I take my hat off to you and wish you all the luck and blessings possible.

 

[danl]

My Wife started teaching school this past year, and after I get in from work we always catch up on each others day while she's cooking Supper.

Some of the stories she tells me about what's going on in her young students lives, really throws me for a loop. Mom's in Jail, Dad's in Jail, Both are in Jail. Grandma's and Grandpa's raising these young uns' Aunts, Uncles having custody.The mental and physical abuse these kids endure, the uncertainty about not when they'll be picked up from School but IF someone will show up. It's a crying shame these kids aren't getting their just right to grow up in a normal environment, with loving, caring Parents/Parent.This is a Country School, not the inner city. What is happening? where has everything gone wrong? I went to Elementary School in the very late 60's and early 70's, and dont remember a single case of anyone being raised or living without their Mom and dad, unless there had been a Divorce involved, and that was a rarity.What are we going to do as far as having any kind of a future when we get old? Seems families are disentegrating.Guess my Wife and I are doing something right...Raising our kids straight laced and respectful, and staying together, as a Family.The way we were brought up.

Any Thoughts?

My wife has taught for 27 years and I get the same stories that you do, they have gotten much worse in the last few years.
She thinks a large percentage of her students are from druggie parents, She can't even attempt to explain some of the behaviour she sees.

She says she feels bad when she gets on to a kid for not working, then sees what kind of home life they have.
A bunch of them go home with different people every day. Kid probably has no idea who their parents are.

 

[MikeC]

The root of the problem is that too many irresponsible people are having kids in the first place.

Eugenics...........anyone?

 

[GMN]

I think we can have good values as a family, its the parents jobs to instill that into the family environment, whether both parents work out, really isn't the issue here, its how much time is spent with each other, and how much interest is spent asking your kids how school was, and listening to them, not just blowing them off because you are too busy. Its all about priorities, make them and keep them.

GMN

 

[backhoeboogie]

I keep reading with interest and I keep biting my tongue. There is so much rambling I want to do.

Everyone of you have good points, and I appreciate you for sharing the experiences.

Keep in mind that you could wind up like me, raising a grandchild. You didn't "plan" this. You had no control over it. You just have to suck it up and do what's right. I wouldn't have it any other way. You will get very attached to the little boogers. You will have much more patience (atleast I do) with the grandbabies that you had when you were younger. You won't have 50 hours a week to devote to farming part time any more and your whole life will change.

The old addage of spoiling them and sending them home won't apply. Other than that, its wonderful.

 

[Lammie]

The root of the problem is that too many irresponsible people are having kids in the first place.

Eugenics...........anyone?

Tell me you are joking...

 

[Lammie]

The problem is that we now have a couple of generations with mom not at home. The family as we knew it has been destroyed. Can we have the family values that we remember ever again?

I doubt it. There are too many outside influences. Whether Mom is home or not. TV commercials alone are a nightmare. I don't particularly think it is appropriate for some of those products to be advertised on TV. I don't like my little grand daughter asking me what is Viagra, what is a tampon, why is that lady in her underwear, what is herpes, etc etc. and these are aired during the day. What they see and hear at school is out of our control, the school bus is another issue. On and on. Look at the crap they put on the news! I don't care if Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or whoever is in or out of rehab or who she is sleeping with and certainly don't think it should be on the 6:00 news. Don't they have something better to report? I wouldn't let my kids watch the Simpsons because it was so disrespectful. Look at the crap that is marketed toward kids. Have you tuned into Saturday morning cartoons?? They need to be screened before you let the little ones watch, in my opinion.
Take it easy on single Moms. There are just too many of us that were put in that situation through no fault of our own. Sometimes stuff happens. You pick yourself up dust yourself off and do the best you can. I was lucky I had my Mom and Dad for my support system (moral NOT financial so don't go there) and thank the good lord my Dad was able to be a strong male influence for my son. We had some bumps but made it through. They are productive citizens today.
So, I guess we as grand parents have a big responsibility too. Be involved in their lives and be as positive an influence as we can. Those of you that are raising your grand kids, I take my hat off to you and wish you all the luck and blessings possible.

Thank you. I really find it so disappointing that so many of you are content on blaming the problems of the world on single moms and working mothers.

You are right. CKC, there are many many other influences than that. Cartoons are a wasteland. Television commercials hock empty calories. And we won't talk about the products that are marketed to girls. I am thankful I didn't have a daughter. Girls' clothing is designed to make them look like alluring women. And thongs for little girls? I don't think so. LIttle girls wearing make-up. Kids dating before they are even in junior high. We encourage kids to grow up too fast and we wonder why they get pregnant when they are 14.

This goes way beyond whether or not mom works. We need to stand up and take back childhood for our children and those to come. Let them be kids. Let them be innocent. Let them play. Don't force our sick, sad world take away our kids.

 

[john250]

This goes way beyond whether or not mom works. We need to stand up and take back childhood for our children and those to come. Let them be kids. Let them be innocent. Let them play. Don't force our sick, sad world take away our kids.

Well said. :clap:

 

[rkm]

BHB, most of us were talking in general. We all know that someone can do the best job of parenting and it can still backfire. Thats when as a grandpap you get to do it all again. It can be very hard, but also very rewarding.

I have been very lucky so far. But my parents, who I feel were the greatest parents in the world spent their golden years raising my brothers children.

 

[GMN]

I keep reading with interest and I keep biting my tongue. There is so much rambling I want to do.

Everyone of you have good points, and I appreciate you for sharing the experiences.

Keep in mind that you could wind up like me, raising a grandchild. You didn't "plan" this. You had no control over it. You just have to suck it up and do what's right. I wouldn't have it any other way. You will get very attached to the little boogers. You will have much more patience (atleast I do) with the grandbabies that you had when you were younger. You won't have 50 hours a week to devote to farming part time any more and your whole life will change.

The old addage of spoiling them and sending them home won't apply. Other than that, its wonderful.

Go ahead and do some rambling.....thats what we are here for.
Are you the sole provider for your grandchild or are the parents still involved in some of the raising?

GMN

 

[skyline]

My hat's off to single parents and to grandparents raising their grandkids. We know many folks in these two categories and they are some of the most responsible hard working folks I know. Frankly, I don't know how a single Mom does it. I know she has to, but physically and emotionally the demands of that situation are way beyond me. So I have nothing but respect and admiration.

With that said, the ills and perversity (is that a word?) of our society and the breakdown of the family unit are awful influences on our children. What can we do? Suck it up and be parents. Love them enough to say no when you're supposed to and yes as often as you can. And give them lots of hugs and encouragement. And talk to them and play with them. (Preaching to myself here...)

 

[backhoeboogie]

Go ahead and do some rambling.....thats what we are here for.
Are you the sole provider for your grandchild or are the parents still involved in some of the raising?

GMN

Thanks GMN. I do appreciate that. Maybe this will help someone. If nothing else, maybe they'll get a better understanding of what their other family members or friends are experiencing.

His dad was out of jail but went back. He wanted to see him. The last time he was out he stole a bunch of things from my home. Sawzall, wet tile saw, drills, screw guns - you name it. She (my daughter) went in last May. He got out about two months later. He couldn't face us. He got a job and hit the right path. Then he faltered. Now he is back in the big house. His mother has passed on before and I don't know the story. His father has little to do with him. So that takes out the grandparents on that side. Don't know if it is a good or bad thing.

My daughter is in until this September. We take him to see her each weekend and they stay bonded. It took a while for the chemicals to be purged from her. She now talks and thinks logical. Her peers in there tell her, "What are you doing here.....If I had the opportunities you had....." She is teaching math and other things to her peers such that they can attain a GED. She has been very successful at it. They now have her teaching other teachers how to teach.

In the back of my mind there are many doubts. Negative thoughts. All it takes is one dose and she is going to go right back to where she was before.

My wife and I had great difficulty when we were going through all the mess before she went in. I had enough of it long ago. My wife finally got enough of it and we got on the same page. The experience will rip the heart right out of you.

There are many families going through this same meth experience.

As a parent, my firm upbringing had me "putting the hammer down." Then suicidal stories from peers started coming in and sure as heck, I saw the signs. It is about then that you go into panic. Your child starts hating herself for the things she is doing to her family. At this point, you are rendered totally helpless. EVERYTHING is outside of your control. It is a hard thing to accept. No matter how much professional assistance you seek and no matter how many nickels you are willing to shell out, there is nothing you can logically do. It is up to them. All you can really do is refuse to be an enabler and appeal to higher powers. They become animals. No logic and no discussion will do anything. It is out of your hands. Accept it.

Your siblings, and your spouses siblings will not understand. No one will unless they have been through it. They have not seen the beast. It is like standing over a burning trash can with a water hose but you cannot put the fire out no matter how much water you apply.

Forget the material things you lose including family heirloom items stolen and sold for pennies on the dollar. Lock everything down.

You will forever second guess yourself on all the things you did raising that child. Thankfully the other ones are PERFECT. You couldn't be any happier with them, but that also goes against the beast with the suicidal thoughts and the self hatred. They have a very hard time dealing with it.

Get help if you get in this situation. Get it as quick as you can. You will think there are no way things can get worse but they do.

If my wife and I had not done so much and spent so much time with our kids, we'd probably beat ourselves to death over this. We still blame ourselves and all we really did was send an innocent child off to college.

 

[backhoeboogie]

By the way, we are not dealing with "The beast" now. We are greeted by a little grandson who runs and squeals with glee when we come in the door. Grabs us and hugs us. He is learning to shake hands. He wants to put lotion on our feet like we do his. There is a long list. Life is good.

Maybe my rambling will help someone else who is trying to deal with a beast.

 

[skyline]

BHB, thanks for sharing your story. My prayers are with you and your family and especially your daughter for the strength, courage, and conviction to stay the course. It's obvious that you have much wisdom and I know you can help others through similar circumstances.

 

[CKC1586]

bhb, you and your wife stepped up and became heros to that little guy. Bless you.